Wish Me Luck!

[Jawn]

Sounds good Iam. I'm glad it went well for you today and you like the EMDR T too.

Jawn

 

[Iam]

Question About Therapuetic Relationships

I have a question. Can anyone explain what the therapuetic value is in a therapeutic relationship is? I ask because my T has been bringing up this up every week for the last month. Yesterday he said something to the effect that "therapy is not just talking about issues, and learning new coping and communiction skills. It is also about the therapuetic relationship. That the relationship in itself is part of therapy." Hmmmm......:think:

I mean I understand that we have to trust our T and that for someone with trust issues that's a big step. I imagine that the relationship itself teaches communication skills. I think he is talking about more than that, but I just can't put my finger on it. He has mentioned that EMDR is not some magical formula and should only be one facet of my therapy. I think he may be concerned that I will stop seeing him now that I am going to this EMDR pyschologist and that is NOT what I am planning.

It's funny cause when I think of the word "relationship" I think of a two way street. Therapy is a professional relationship. I pay him to listen to me spill my guts and guide me to some resolution. I pay him to be nonjudgemental and act like he cares. Who knows what he REALLY thinks of me and whether or not he would like or care about me if we met under different circumstances. What he gets out of it is income, what I get out of it is help. So HOW is the "therapeutic relationship" part of therapy?

Of course I could just ask him what he means, which I will next week. Just curious what you all think about it.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Iam,

Your comment intrigued me and I Googled "therapeutic relationship" and there are several articles on it. It is primarily the successful bonding between the client and the clinician that enable the client to benefit from the therapy. The are several stages and actions involved, but each article agreed the relationship portion was the critical piece for successful therapy.

ITL

 

[AdamAnt]

Best wishes on this new endeavor Iam! Having the right therapist is so important, and with EMDR it seems doubly-so.

I don't know what to think of your T's comments. Could it be that he recognizes how important it will be for you to have that correct relationship with the EMDR T in order to get proper results? Obviously it's raised a flag for you so yep, you better ask for your own peace of mind!

 

[Iam]

ITL.....I Googled the same thing after posting this LOL. Most seem to talk about Rogerian pyschodynamics. My T is definitely very intuitive and goes on his "gut" frequently. He has stated everything I read in the articles I found on this. I completely agree with the concept. Boy I can say that I am going to have a very tough time when my therapy is done with him. We discussed long ago how we will discontinue therapy as that is a very important of aspect of the therapy itself. Closure is always hard and he said it will be a mourning process, for himself as well. I find that interesting. I at this point feel very dependant on him, but we agree that the whole idea of therapy is to develop that attachment and then move to independence from there. Attachment scares the hell out of me. Sometimes I feel like therapy is like, for lack of a more descriptive way of putting it, emotional masturbation. Though I know that it isn't true.....I need to do this in order to move on to a more productive and fulilling life.

Adam....That may be the case, but my gut tells me that he doesn't want me to forego the relationship he and I have built in lieu of going to the EMDR specialist. I believe he feels that both are important to me and that our therapy together is not yet completed. We discussed my wanting to be more compassionate and empathetic with others yesterday. He said that is the 4th piece of therapy and that I need to learn to love, accept and care for myself first before I can be able to do that in a healthy way. So....guess there is still more work he and I need to do LOL ;o)

 

[anni]

It's interesting to have one's T speak of the inevitable end of the relationship. Mine hasn't-or he may have and I've convieniently forgotten.I'm not sure it's a prospect I'd deal terribly well with, since seem to be at that point where the bolts rattle loose and require a good mechanic's monkey wrench periodically to tune up the whole machine.

Should I be impressed that you do tend to ask these things immediately instead of driving yourself crazy with supposition first? I actually am, which means that's what I do- the supposition thing. :) I am actually interested in staying tuned to know what you T's reply will be, although he sounds terribly effective for you so would imagine it will be something positive.

 

[Iam]

will let you know Anni. BTW, I asked Dale about how we'd know we were done with therapy and what the termination process would be long before I formed an attachment to him. It was a much easier question to ask then. He has informed me that he plans to pratice into his 80's (he's 73 now) and that he has a handful of patients that have been with him for years or come back to check in a few times a year. Nice to know that he will be available for a long time should I need him ;o)
Yes he is extrememly effective for me. Although I must say that he does it in such a frustratingly subtle way! I've been seeing him for a year and 2 weeks now (yeah...I keep track). Some time ago, maybe 6 months, maybe longer, I asked him if he thought I had been abused. He looked at me trying to hide his shock and said "You know, I am really trying to bite my tongue"...LOL! Once I acknowledged and admittted it he started using the term "abuse" quite frequently. He has also told me that I tend to minimize my traumas....imagine that! I guess he wants me to find and accept the truth myself, but damn sometimes I wish he'd just Tell me instead of making me figure it out for myself!

Wow was that a rabbit trail! Sorry. I will ask him Tuesday why he keeps bringing up that the therapeutic relationship is so important. I think he is still concerned that I may view EMDR as a "magical solution" as he put it, instead of just one component in my therapy. He was the one who recommended I try it afterall, which is the whole reason I found this psych who specializes in it. There is some insecurity there though as to the heirarchy of the mental health professionals being psychiatrist, pyschologist and LCSW of which he is the latter. I suspected the insecurity when he was worried about what his notes looked like that he was sending her. I was really quite impressed that he admitted to it when I asked. Though he did mention that after practicing a few years it really doesn't matter as they all end up doing the same thing. Not quite so in my book as each therapist uses the techniques they are most comfortable with.

Ahhh soo....I have no intention of stopping seeing Dale and jsut going to Ann....why on earth would I forfiet a relationship that has brought me so far? It is nice to know however that he isn't just passing me off to someone else cause he can't handle my rollercoaster ;o)

 

[seedling]

Iam - I can totally relate to your rabbit trail. I believe my T does the same thing. I wish he would just tell me sometimes too!

He only has to ride your roller coaster once a week :)

Good luck.

 

[Iam]

LUCKY HIM Seedling! Ha!

 

[anni]

Ha! They are so SNEAKY! In a good way- I'm sure mine would prefer the word 'subtle'. I do think I would have been paniced to know at the ouset that there WAS an inevitable end, you know? Of course there is- but at the time I think it would have not enabled me to form any kind of an attachment- OH it must be tough to be a T and have to figure out which way their patients are going to go! I also haven't a clue as to why I'll absolutely do something 'for' him I'd just never in a million or so years get around to on my owmn-it IS the respect aspect but why?They DO that, and it's absolutly genuine. I'd been interested in pursing psyche ( along with the entire high school class of 1976, I think ) at some point, but the single aspect I could not get past was being able to commit to healing someone I personally did not care for, or thought was unpleasant, an abuser, etc. It's SUCH a point of respect for me, that they can and do genuinely do that. Funny, though, it's been quite a few years and I'm still sort of waiting for the poor man to find something or other to dislike in myself. :)

There are so many threads- I just added to one somewhere- on dreadful T's. It's kind of a delight to hear about yours, seriously!

 

[Iam]

One of the things I love about my T is when he gets tickled about something. For instance, I told him that I am joining an old testament Bible class. He asked me to repeat myself cause I don't think he believed his ears LOL. Then he stated "I thought that's what you said" and grinned from ear to ear with this major twinkle in his eye. He is so real in his emotions. Isn't afraid to say "Hey, that's really good" when he himslef comes up with something he likes. Nor is he afraid to apologize if he feels he offended me or misunderstood me. He does a good job of modeling feeling good about ones self. Maybe someday I will get there too. Sure would be nice ;o)

 

[anni]

I hate to keep this thread rolling if it's getting 'old' Iams, but you do keep bringing up REALLY good points! The modeling- wow. How often to you see, or encounter someone and think 'I wish I could BE like that- so kind or so positive, or so capable/honest/determined? I don't know-am not a professional but it sunk in a bit ago that one can actually DO that, to a point, I think. It's feeling free and unencumbered, and being able to make that leap that's tough. probably the single most useful piece of information my T ever gave me was that most of this dreck we carry around ( apart from the physiological damage done to the brain) can find it's roots in self-worth, whatever one calls it-self hate, loathing, low self esteem, etc. So yes, possibly even imagining one could present to this shattered ego the model of someone we respect as much as our T's seems ridiculous. They disagree, of course so scary there! :) At least I LIKE the way I look in my T's eyes, the person I attempt to model, and it's a genuine wish to believe all that image someday.