Supporter Worried Dad

[scout86]

Welcome! I have to echo all the "what a great dad" comments. Ok, maybe you think now that you could have done better. We can all say that most of the time, I guess. We learn, we grow, we do better. I'm sure they both know you care about them NOW.

She has been told by counsellors that it is just something she has to learn to live with.

That strikes me as kind on an odd way to put it. She doesn't actually HAVE to learn to live with it. "Learning to live with it" might be the best option, but it's not the only one. And I can't see it as "just" anything. It's a big deal. But there is a lot she can do to make things better.

 

[Peter H]

Thank you NicG and Scout86. My daughter's home now and just read through the thread. Apparently I got something wrong in my first post that I have to correct. Her early counsellors told her "that there was nothing she could do about it. It was either something she would get over or she would have it for the rest of her life." Apologies for my wording. I confess I find these subtleties confusing and I guess I have a lot to learn.

 

[ghotiff]

Hi peter h daughter. I hope you consider joining us here.

As a first step, you could take a look around and look at posts that resonate with you. For example there are a number on sleep and on stomach problems (eg IBS). That look around, will I expect, make you feel more comfortable with this site as you will notice how supportive and helpful this community is.

No rush, take things at your own pace and maybe we will chat in the future sometime.

Welcome :)

 

[user27357]

there is no doubt, stress and anxiety are hard on the gut. My personal hell is a damaged gut and PTSD that combine to cause what I am reluctant to admit is IBS. I might be able to handle the injuries without the stress, I might be able to handle the stress without the injuries, and if I could make flying monkeys come out of my a.......you get the picture. No one wants to cop to a gut that runs their life but sometimes mine runs mine.

Can't find anything wrong? Let me plug a book for a friend.....

"They can't find anything wrong!" By David D. Clarke MD.

He was my gastroenterologist before he was my daughters college professor and he had me pegged for PTSD before my psyche did.

Hope it is in print or you can find something. Best of luck to you.

 

[sun seeker]

First, I am really sorry about what happened to your daughter and how she is suffering now.

Second, I wanted to respond to this because it touches my heart in a very personal way to see a parent being so proactive in finding support for their child, and I want to commend you for that caring. It may feel like you don't know what to do to help, but just the fact that you are doing something is bigger than you might think.

I have struggled with the symptoms of complex PTSD for a long time, and part of what makes it so complex is that for the most part my family saw my suffering and very blatantly didn't care or do anything to help, over a long period of time. Of course, they were also at least part of the cause of the problem, so that makes some sense. But as an adult when I look back at what caused the most harm, it wasn't the primary trauma so much as all the times I went to family members and asked for help only to have them turn away and ignore my pain. That neglect is what I feel hurt me the most. So the fact that you are there for your daughter and trying to help, whether or not you know what kind of help she needs, is huge. It brings tears to my eyes in fact. How different my life would have been if there had been just one significant person who would have put their arms around me and told me they saw my pain and would do whatever they could to help. I would be a different person today. So thank you, and thank you to all the other parents on the forum who are doing what they can to be there for their children. It means more than you may realize.

By the way, your daughter's counselor is wrong. They give people degrees for "wisdom" like that?!

 

[Peter H]

Thank you Ghotiff. She's gone down town for a couple of hours but before she left she indicated that she will probably join this site and conversations.

Thank you for the book recommendation, Enough. I found it easily on Amazon and it should arrive here in a couple of weeks. I already feel confident that it's going to be helpful. IBS has been discounted by her doctors though.

Sun seeker, I see you are a new member and already doing your bit to encourage others. Thank you for your kind thoughts and I hope you have caring people in your life these days.

They give people degrees for "wisdom" like that?!

I don't think so, but we mortals are heavily out of pocket when we get to hear these pearls.

 

[NicG]

"that there was nothing she could do about it. It was either something she would get over or she would have it for the rest of her life."

This is different wording, but still wrong. Trauma doesn't just "go away" of it's own accord... nor does it HAVE to stick around the way it currently is. It takes work but you can vastly reduce its impact on your life and health.

What kind of counsellors has she seen, if you don't mind me asking? It's just that, I live in south Sydney, and my experience of counsellors (and some of my friends experiences) show a pretty broad range of training and skill sets. Someone who has studied a year or two at TAFE, while adequate for handling some issues, probably isn't trained well enough to deal with trauma appropriately, and the response she's gotten suggests that the people she's seen either haven't been trained properly, or just aren't doing their job. Maybe you could look around for some psychologists specifically trained in trauma, and maybe has a higher degree or two? The psych I see has quite a few trauma patients and she would NEVER tell any of them that kind of thing. She always keeps me hoping and believing there's more peace and healing in my future, and I've come a long way with her.

 

[Deleted member 27340]

She'd absolutely benefit from the forum, I think. I have, and just like her I've got a overall full life and is seemingly happy to others (I get very good grades, have social life both in and outside school and do both art, music and literature at a at least well above average level), but anxiety and other stuff is a struggle. I've also got tummy problems, and have been tested for pretty much everything.

Is her tummy problems in any way affected by what she eats? I find it getting worse if I eat no matter what it is I feed myself with, and did for a while eat only every other day. That way the metabolism and your body will get some rest and a break overall, as it is not actually intended to digest food every single day of our lives. I had to quit doing it because my dad meant that it made me sick and tired, despite my experience being the opposite.

I wish you both best luck!

 

[Deleted member 20280]

Welcome Lexi.

:hug:s if you accept them

Laurie

 

[Justmehere]

Hi Lexi!

I've has gastritis - it is tough. Mine comes and goes. Sounds like you have a pretty rough go of it. And E Coli too? Dang. I'm so sorry you have been so sick.

I saw a lot of mental health professionals who basically said nothing could really be done about my most troubling trauma related symptoms. In time, I finally found a trauma specialist and things began to change. I hope that in time your trauma therapist is able to help you too. How has it been to work with them so far? Some are good, some are not so good.

Glad you are here - and way to go for beating the alcohol addiction! That's pretty amazing!

 

[Deleted member 27340]

I hope the above explains my stomach problems. Interesting to see a Norwegian here, I have an Uncle, Aunt and three cousins living in Stavanger.

I do to. Really hoping you'll figure out what's wrong so that you can make it better! Oh, cool. I've got some family in Stavanger too, and often have a stop there while travelling west. Ever been to Norway?

 

[Justmehere]

Lexi - yeah, I have to take a medication every day, and I am supposed to avoid all wheat (not just gluten) and beef - but I actually still both sometimes. :( Every now and then I try to go off the meds and it all comes back. Have you had to do endoscopies? (A camera down into the stomach.) I have had a couple, and once they made me do it awake! That was awful. I just re-read the earlier posts - and I'm sorry to mix up things a bit about addiction. Still, it sounds like you are thinking it all through wisely.

Yeah, I am getting results with my therapist. It's taken almost a year. It's common for things to sometimes get worse at first before they get better - and that happened for me. It was tough for me for the first few months, and then I really started to see some improvements. Then my therapist wants to go deeper, and it gets worse for a little while again. It's a tough process, but it's been worth it. I used to have a lot of flashbacks, and now it's pretty rare.