Would "normals" Find Therapy Difficult?

[ghotiff]

For me my second abuser used a lot of emotional manipulation / grooming so to give away my feelings leaves me vulnerable to someone to manipulate me.

I like the idea that there are other ways to protect myself from this, but I don't know what they are.

While I trust my T right now, who knows what the future holds. Maybe she will change, maybe someone will access her notes etc.

 

[DogwoodTree]

For me my second abuser used a lot of emotional manipulation / grooming so to give away my feelings leaves me vulnerable to someone to manipulate me.

While I trust my T right now, who knows what the future holds. Maybe she will change, maybe someone will access her notes etc.

I feel the same way. I'm paranoid that my T will be recruited by my mom or by the courts to testify against me...that what I've told him could be used to take my kids away (although I'm a good mom and treat them very well). But I'm afraid my mom will convince everyone that I do horrible things. She started to accuse me of that kind of thing earlier this year, and I just about threw up. It still makes me sick to think about it.

I know Ts are supposed to keep confidential the things we share. I just have a really hard time believing that will actually happen. Emotional manipulation was the standard M.O. in my family...still is...got a huge dose of it today from my mom in a crazy-long phone call after telling her multiple times I didn't want to have that conversation with her (why in the world didn't I just hang up on her??). I can never be sure that something I say to a family member will stay private. Secrets are ammunition to be used against someone, and my family is still very adept at passing along secrets at opportune times to promote their own agendas. I'm having a really hard time getting past that to a place where I can trust my T.

So...I can really relate to what you're saying. I think for me...if I don't find someone to trust, I'm going to implode. The risk of trusting...I think...is better than the certainty of failure through not trusting. Plus...I know my heart is in a decently good place on all of this, that I'm truly trying to walk this out well. So, the more people who I let get to know me (my T, a couple of friends), the more likely they can vouch for me if my mom ever tries anything crazy.

 

[hodge]

I've always been really open in therapy. I mean, it takes me a few sessions to feel comfortable with the therapist, but after that, I figure if I'm not open, I'm not going to get helped. I've been very lucky that I've had good therapists, though. I've heard some horror stories, so I can't blame people for being cautious at first. My next appt. is tomorrow and I'm dreading it, because I know stuff will come up and I'll get sad and that will linger. I am also going to have to tell my therapist the trouble I'm having in doing my mindfulness and relaxation exercises. I've had so much going on, that it's really hard to do. The last thing she told me at our last session was, keep that head of yours clear! Well, not too successful at that lately. And I will be honest about it, because maybe she'll have more tips that will help me more.

Ironically, I was raised by a mother who did not allow me to have my own feelings. It took me many years of therapy to get to the point where I can acknowledge my own feelings as valid. But then, there were a lot of good therapists along the way who tried to convince me of that and that, plus a miracle, finally got me here.

 

[ghotiff]

@hodge this is my concern. Therapy is so expensive and unpleasant that I don't want to be wasting my time. Maybe I'm not ready yet.

 

[hodge]

It is expensive and very unpleasant. I went today, told her how much trouble I was having with my exercises, and she gave me more tips. And if I had a dollar for every time she's said, "Separate the past from the present," I'd be a very rich woman.

Maybe it would help to ask yourself how you would be doing if you didn't go. Would you really be any better off? Personally, I doubt it, because I'm a big proponent of therapy. I would say to talk to her about your trust issues. That is very common for us with PTSD. Hopefully she can reassure you and you can move on to the real work, not that it'll be fun. But at least you would know you are moving in the direction of healing, even when it doesn't feel like it. Good luck.

 

[StellaBlue]

Therapy has always been very uncomfortable for me. I asked my previous therapist if other clients had this much difficulty with it. He wasn't a trauma specialist and told me (and I'm paraphrasing here) that most of his clients enjoyed therapy but with the kinds of issues I had, he could understand why it was so difficult. My current therapist (who is more trauma based) assured me that this discomfort was not uncommon.

I am becoming more aware of what I truly feel and this is progress (that I at times forget as it's subtle).

I think this is really important. I have been able to identify more and more feelings - but only when they reach a "10" - it's those "mid-range" feelings, or feelings that are building up to the "10" that I am struggling with. I am trying to remember that it wasn't so very long ago that I didn't recognize any of the feelings (it was all a huge tangled ball of anxiety) and not be judgmental. But it is subtle and it is frustratingly slow.

For me, shame always feels like a trauma feeling.

And this one is huge. I have done a lot of DBT and come to the realization that shame is rarely justified...so when shame hits, there's usually something going on beyond whatever triggered it. The trick, for me, is to unpack it without unpacking everything else. What has really helped is the mindfulness piece - sitting with the feeling but taking away the story...observe, describe, name it, sit with it...no judgments, no storyline....maybe this is what your therapist means by "separating the past from the present".

 

[Deleted member 29991]

Therapy has always been very uncomfortable for me. I asked my previous therapist if other clients ha...

Just because I don't "talk about it" to a professional does not mean I don't process "it".(I do also perk my ears up when I do talk to a Pastor, or mentor type person I find helpful.)
I am all for therapy and therapists. Even for me ! LOL! Accepting help is huge for any human being in my opinion.
I am not a PTSD sufferer, just live with one.
I can process personal issues and sometimes while listening to other folks chat, an issue they are speaking to will aid me with a solution or t least direction to follow and find a real world answer.
Sometimes I call a friend and ask out loud and then LISTEN to his answer.
Usually my friends can put my issue in perspective.That gives me the peace of mind to not turn my issue into a crisis,have a skosh of patience.
Stops me from using a bulldozer when a flyswatter will do maybe.
Keeps me from straying off the road of loving and being loved.

Some folks get themselves in a hole. And they keep on digging ! I don't want to be one of those folks. To me PTSD is like that for the sufferer.(???????) Mine gets in over her head and just keeps digging. She gets hot under the collar and then grabs a can of gas and WHOOSH ! Gas on a fire ! Burn baby burn ! Disco Inferno ! LOL!

It is not funny.

In these situations where total meltdown mode is engaged , I get really quiet, listen, process, take nothing personal , (as much as I can stand), and don't play the game. There is a script apparently that must be played out, and I just wait it out.

SO............"normals" make it as difficult as they want.(I sure do at times ! LOL!) I set my goals as to love, and be loved first and foremost. All other things are then possible. With all people.
Many times I would prefer to lash out or retaliate instead of do the right thing. The older I get, the more practiced I am, the easier it gets to understand that MY actions and responses are more important to how I FEEL ,more than anything another person can do or say to me.

I am not thick skinned to deal with something that is not mine to deal with.(PTSD) I am not tough.
I take the track that I can not be pulled over for speeding and fined if YOU are the one driving.I So I can support her in driver education,share what I found to be universal truths,and be sensitive and loving enough to be an attractive alternative to living in her past,and have conversations when she is receptive,able to accept love.When her symptoms are not running wild in her head.
I listen.
And listen.
And listen.
I listen to her heart, not her head. UNLESS both are fully engaged and working in tandem! Awesomeness invariably ensues. We both can not be "needy" at the same time. We strive to not be "needy."

When I go chat with someone about problems in my life, I go to find solutions, solutions for me.
I want to be ----> educated<--- to be the most loving I can be without being emasculated by a person recovering from a horrible trauma. My belief is that I must love all people. Not just the easy ones , the handy people, or the ones with nice boobs ! LOL! I must be a man she respects,and attempts to build up.I must measure up to that, my standard, and the standard that she has become accustomed too.
Not the low standards she was unwillingly or unwittingly dished up cold and poison filled. Then and only then will a therapist have any answer except , go live by yourself and figure out who you are before dig into your problems.

I leave her problems out of my therapy,chats,and struggles, with the focus on my health,well be-ing,and understanding I must take responsibility for my heart,home, bills,hobbies,habits,responses and life to be able to add to another human beings life .

Thanks for letting me be.
I am a be-ing.
Not a do-ing.
I wrote on long after I gave my answer.
I am not inside any of you suffer's minds and hearts.
I have seen more than I ever want to of one person's struggles.
Not often is what I want in the moment, the same as what I need long term.
I have felt hurt long term,over years actually.(Divorce,raised a child alone as a single dad.)
I kept getting up.
I kept going to work,washing the clothes, dishes , cars.
Made plans,was hopeless.
Plans went on anyway.
I felt like a zombie .
But somewhere in the darkest hour there was hope.
I always had hope, a glimmer,I kept getting up and moving about,seeking,listening.
Talking.
And "it" got better.
I am "it".

Then I met HER.
And it got different ! LOL!

Apparently many or all PTSD suffers have no hope or ever feel content the pain is so overwhelming? What the hell is the difference I want to scream at times? It baffles me. So I take my medicine,"take care of yourself first, and then help others." Even when she thinks I am selfish for paying my bills instead of giving her family my time and money and talents. She used to want me to fix them.
They are not broken. It is her pickle to get out of the jar , as well as her families pickle to get out of their own jars.

 

[joeylittle]

Just because I don't "talk about it" to a professional does not mean I don't process "it".

In trauma therapy, "process" is a specific term having to do with working through and dismantling traumatic memory. You're referring to process as in 'understand', which is a different meaning.

I am not a PTSD sufferer, just live with one.

Right. So there's a lot this thread is talking about, re: therapy for PTSD, that you can't really relate to.

Some folks get themselves in a hole. And they keep on digging ! I don't want to be one of those folks. To me PTSD is like that for the sufferer.(???????)

Sounds like you are saying a PTSD sufferer got themselves into the hole they are in. No, not really.

to be the most loving I can be without being emasculated by a person recovering from a horrible trauma.

I don't understand why there's a boundary line between 'loving' and 'emasculated'...I guess what you are saying is, there's a point (for you) at which loving someone and/or supporting them takes away your masculinity.

Not just the easy ones , the handy people, or the ones with nice boobs ! LOL!

Not funny, just tasteless.

Apparently many or all PTSD suffers have no hope or ever feel content the pain is so overwhelming? What the hell is the difference I want to scream at times? It baffles me

Well, the difference - in a nutshell - is damage that occurs to the brain. Brain damage is the difference. This is like saying that you sprained your knee once, so when you met someone who has just gotten out of knee replacement surgery and they aren't immediately up out of their wheelchair and working it out, you want to scream, "why??". Do you understand? Well, anyway, I hope you do.

You've been a single dad. I would not walk into your life and tell you that raising a child as a single parent isn't different from being a single person and owning a cat. Actually, I own two cats. I would not tell you that my experience raising my cats had anything whatsoever to do with your experience raising your child.

And I understand, the OP specifically asked about how non-PTSD sufferers might deal with expressing their feelings. It is interesting to read your window into that. Personally, I just don't appreciate the point you are driving to, which I read as being that PTSD sufferers make things somehow more complicated than it needs to be...I think we'd all agree that being a supporter is not easy. Being a sufferer isn't, either.

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm not 'normal' but I am thankful for the help I've received especially because I couldn't talk about it. I know that it has caused (required) other's effort to be helped, but I never had help before. No one cared to, even on the rarest occasion I asked, so I learned not to. I think anyone can learn not to ask, 'normal people' too, so therefore how could they talk about it or find it easy to?

I am rushing, but I don't quite understand @Humphrey .. I do think 'we' ('sufferers') can easily dig a deeper hole- at least I kept falling deeper until only death seemed the best for me & everyone else. However, I wouldn't want anyone to feel it so bad to help as regret it. I spoke to my friend/ Priest today, & I think he felt badly to say he helped because it's what he does, but the fact remains to ask is the only way usually to get any help, & it doesn't make it less important or appreciated. (Though I've hated to be a burden.) . And it's hard on the helper, I do understand..I'm sorry if you have had a bad experience @Humphrey .

 

[Deleted member 29991]

In trauma therapy, "process" is a specific term having to do with working through and dismantling tra...

I am a tasteless man at times ! AGREE !
(And honestly I do appreciate a good set of knockers.)
I also fart, am apt to cuss when I whack my thumb with a hammer,I kill animals and eat them too !
I speak up and leave nothing left to mind reading.
Spitting is so satisfying when I get weird stuff in my mouth too ! (Paints, fuel,splattered rabbit crap when I clean the rabbit cages out.)
I have guns !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY ! Billary won't like me ! I should hide in my house and cower in the corner , as all around me is destroyed !
I like sex !
The little wifey likes it too!
We giggle like school girls smoking in the girl's powder room at prom !
We attend church,go snow tubing in winter, and camping in summer.
We travel cross country with three kids on a budget !
WE WILL LIVE A LIFE WORTH LIVING IN SPITE OF PTSD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh ! We may be pirates too sometimes.

She has good boobs ,as well as a wonderful mind quite capable of much more than she has even scratched the surface of !!!!!!!!!!
(Some dolt at the sports store told us a certain piece of equipment was unavailable we were searching for so the store doesn't sell it anymore, it is dangerous! ) We both cracked up at his shock we would do something DANGEROUS. (Roll my eyes.) She will take risks as long as I am with her, behind her, or dragging her along at times ! I will keep her company if she wants me to while she watches a Jennifer Aniston movie. If she asks me if I wanna watch a chick flick,I say no. The truth. If she ask me to hang with her as she watches one, I say sure, I would love to. She knows how to be an adult and tell me what she wants. I try and accommodate her.

She has made wonderful progress and both are grateful for the help we receive,as individuals and together. We are loved. What more does a guy or gal need?

Maybe a 2010 GMC 4 door pick up truck.Dark blue, or emerald green.4x4 would be good.
Primary purpose to love, and be loved.
Then all good things are possible.

I do not understand many things and and or was attempting to direct readers to my misunderstandings. I am not a scholar nor PHD mental health professional.(Piled Higher and Deeper.) I have only been aware of the little woman being diagnosed with this horrific affliction for a few short months. I have been baffled for 17 years what the hell she is attempting to accomplish with her comings and goings on ! LOL!

You see, I am enough alone, I don't NEED a mate. I don't NEED a person , one single and only one person or I die , the planet cracks in two and spins off it's axis and we all go into oblivion never to live up to our human potential type dependence on another human. She is free of me. Her choice.The door swings both ways. I know, Jennifer Aniston would never make it in the movies if it were up to me ! I am not much into fantasy and movies. Hell I don't even watch TV.

As far as diss-assembly of memories , processing is processing and a concept.

Thinking errors are rife amongst PSTD sufferers it would appear to me.(From first hand observation, and lots of reading, and listening to what others actually say.Not what I want to have them say to fit my preconceived notions.)

Don't be mistaken that a "normie" lives a life wearing a toga being feed grapes and revels in every memory that pops into our little heads.When I , as most folks experience pain, we get a wee bit myopic.Focusing on self mostly. I can not afford that luxury , and be on the road to my own recovery.(I have found most mature men understand they need healing too from something in life. Not just the diagnosed crippling afflictions in the media.It keeps them out of many situations that could quickly escalate if allowed.) I must ,everyday , take apart my actions to see what memory is correct,record it correctly , as per reality, as it fits into the collective reality of my neighbors,relatives,extended street hood, city ,state, and US of A ! This way I can determine if I have actually harmed someone and need to amend something inside myself to avoid these problems.

Not my pretend FaceBook life many folks mistake for reality. I do not have an active Face Book account thank you. Seems the intertubes get in the way of people getting human touch,risking friendships and the pains they may bring.

Beats me. My choice to outside and chat the people across the street up.

Right. So there's a lot this thread is talking about, re: therapy for PTSD, that you can't really relate to.

I was responding to a specific question.

I believe I relate quite well to that topic.

I do believe I relate in a most awesome fashion to my personal set of circumstances. Maybe you are the one having trouble relating to your own situation you have found yourself in. Whatever the cause.

Sounds like you are saying a PTSD sufferer got themselves into the hole they are in. No, not really.

I was not clear on that at all was I?

When the little wifey is in the midst of an episode of being a a full blown self defeating behavior sufferer,what ever the reason and original cause of her affliction she tends to pour gasoline on the fire instead of putting the fire out. I at no time would believe a true victim of a trauma of any sort was the cause of a bomb dropping on their head,a semi running over the whole family, or a tornado blowing away the entire region they live in.

MAny times what I see is the wife has a flat tire and melts down into full blown hopeless symptoms and her solution sometimes is to burn the car, garage,and house down because she can't get to the market to get a pound of hamburger on sale.It is hopeless and she hates hamburger. And the car, garage,house AND the tire. So obviously not going to work,the gym,cleaning house,working in the flower garden, or any other productive activity will help. Only total immobilization. Seems unhealthy to me. Apparently I am on to something or this board would not exist now would it ? It was baffling to me for years. Now not so much.

I walk away and let her "be".

(She has never attempted to burn anything down , it is a good analogy of how inappropriate some solutions to problems she has appear to other folks that might first try to take a little more healthy approach to things.)

I don't understand why there's a boundary line between 'loving' and 'emasculated'...I guess what you are saying is, there's a point (for you) at which loving someone and/or supporting them takes away your masculinity.

Yes there is. Some of the activities she at one time ask me to be a part of I have ZERO interest in.
Like sitting on her mother's couch for 10 years while the rest of the (her)family of origins,recall better times that never actually happened for example, ,just so I can comfort or make her feel secure because I am not out having a good time at my own hobby or relatives homes or interests. Insecurity seems to be an issue with this affliction as well. CO-dependency is not something I want to be a part of.
If I were or today am asked to be present for a specific purpose or particular activity, I MAY CHOOSE to accept an invitation.Or I may decline. An invitation implies a yes or no response and involves risk.

PTSD sufferer's to a degree are not risk takers as far as MY limited experiences indicate. Please fell free to straighten me out on that.

You've been a single dad. I would not walk into your life and tell you that raising a child as a single parent isn't different from being a single person and owning a cat. Actually, I own two cats. I would not tell you that my experience raising my cats had anything whatsoever to do with your experience raising your child.

And I understand, the OP specifically asked about how non-PTSD sufferers might deal with expressing their feelings. It is interesting to read your window into that. Personally, I just don't appreciate the point you are driving to, which I read as being that PTSD sufferers make things somehow more complicated than it needs to be...I think we'd all agree that being a supporter is not easy. Being a sufferer isn't, either.

Wisdom comes through NOT having to have first hand experience with something and having EMAPTHY for those other human beings that have stuck their tongue in a light socket and then believe them from the get go that is something I don't want to experience. For example I totally believe from my adventures with this topic that PTSD sufferers are low on empathy fluid. It is universally known in any circle you choose to run in that if a human is disconnected from their feelings , those individuals are incapable of having empathy. Period. Read the book. What book? Any book written on the topic of PTSD that includes an action plan to recovery. If the book does not cover this empathy topic it may be more a magic potion type book than a book of substance to use.

I also am not implying that all PTSD suffers display the same symptoms.

Enough of this crap. I am going out to blow some stuff up,eat some raw meat.
Snuggle under the stars and watch some fireworks.
When we get home, ................
who knows what could happen?

So for all you I offended, WHY ARE YOU STILL READING? Move along. You don't know what it's like to be uptight,middle class, and white !

 

[Deleted member 29991]

I'm not 'normal' but I am thankful for the help I've received especially because I couldn't talk about it...

You've been a single dad. I would not walk into your life and tell you that raising a child as a single parent isn't different from being a single person and owning a cat. Actually, I own two cats. I would not tell you that my experience raising my cats had anything whatsoever to do with your experience raising your child.

And I understand, the OP specifically asked about how non-PTSD sufferers might deal with expressing their feelings. It is interesting to read your window into that. Personally, I just don't appreciate the point you are driving to, which I read as being that PTSD sufferers make things somehow more complicated than it needs to be...I think we'd all agree that being a supporter is not easy. Being a sufferer isn't, either.

I'm not 'normal' but I am thankful for the help I've received especially because I couldn't talk about it...

We all will lump along together or I will get banned from the board !

Not sure what I was driving at.
I am attempting not to lump all sufferer's into one nice tidy package.I see it varies greatly to degree, and symptom and experience as well as pre-PTSD upbring, substance abuse and all.

Now it could be just a female thing that tends to complicate things and I am tossing PTSD under the bus and I well deserved the wife's ire ! LOL!
Tongue in cheek ................

 

[joeylittle]

I also am not implying that all PTSD suffers display the same symptoms.

Except that we all lack empathy, don't take risks, and become immobilized when we get overloaded. :O_o:

Hey, I shoot guns, clean meat, jump horses, and have a great set of knockers. I also have PTSD. Many different sufferers, many different symptoms. You know your wife, and what her symptoms are - that's the most important thing. If you want to know more about PTSD, you've come to the right place - the articles and the people here are fantastic. We believe in people speaking their minds, you won't get banned for your opinions.