You Are Not Better Than Anyone Else...

[helena]

Even as I wrote that title it felt almost controversial because the majority of us are brought up to compete with each other, to outshine the other person in the race.

But more and more I am wondering that if we were to accept that we are not actually better than anyone else then, maybe, there would be no more bullying, no more accusing others of being stupid, or weak... no more religious wars/crusades and, finally, no more judgement.

The truth is that we are all the same... none of us truly knows why we have been given the lives that we have. Who are we to judge someone else? Some of us may think we know better than another but that is just another illusion of the ego. (sorry Cragger, the E word again!)

Must be in one of my philosophical moods again but can't risk discussing this with my work colleagues so came here to share with my fellow thinkers...

Helena

 

[NarcSis]

I have this arguement with my hubby sometimes because I am of the opinion that people need to keep it real. So, do I really want to stick my neck out there and risk getting it chopped off?

WTH, who cares!

I endeavour to treat everyone I meet with the same respect, dignity and care that I expect others to treat me with. If I am cruel to someone, I should never be surprised when they spit at me or say something cruel in return. It is when there is miscommunication that I am surprised, indignant and defensive.

I also realize that I need to feel value. To do this, I will devalue others. In order for others to feel value - they will devalue someone else. In this way, I am truly no different from anyone else.

I recognize that each of us has our own specialty and in that specialty, we have excellence. I am not the specialist in your field, I am the specialist in my field, thus we can truly never be judged against one another.

Does this prevent me from judging those in my field? No. I am human, it is the only way I know to feel good about me.

Hubby argues IQ, but IQ can change. His IQ today may not be what it was evaluated at when he was 15, it may be more, it may be less. IQ also neglects common sense and 'worldly' knowledge.

I am who I am. I can only accept it and hope to navigate my way through life without causing too much disturbance.

NOTE: Don't ever get your child's IQ evaluated to assess where he/she stands against others!!! It creates long term problems. I don't know mine, I never have, I don't care to. I do not need it to make me feel better about me.

 

[helena]

Thanks - actually it was the issue of IQ that started me thinking about this.

I have been dealing with a bullying/harassment issue and it would appear that the root cause is that other team members do not regard this individual as being on the same intellectual level as themselves.

There is no merit in their opinon, none at all. The person has the same qualifications as they do but is just very shy, nervous... a bit awkward, I guess. In short, the person does not 'fit in' as easily as the others do.

I guess the issue of judgement has been on my mind a lot in light of some of the posts here and how some sufferers see to feel constantly judged because they have a health condition.

Sorry if I used this forum as a personal venting space - I know this is primarily a place of healing for sufferers and not carers but it was annoying me and I had no where else to go with it.

 

[anni]

Helena,

It's actually a valid point for this forum, I think. PTSD robs us of self esteem, which is a glaring and bald understatement. This makes us terribly vulnerable to the ever-present, ever-vigalent power mongers out there who need their power fix by being able to feel superior to someone else. Most people would spit in their eye. A lot of us with PTSD are awfully ready to hear all about how wonderful someone else is at the expense of our own self worth. We're healing but not strong and not ready to always fend off being re-victimized, re: bullied.

That's all this dam I'm-better-than-you-are crap is. It's bullying. That type of person has so many variations by way of severity that your team member making someone feel bad about their IQ is just a watered down abuser.

Of course this has enraged you! You're a carer and bullying people isn't taking care of them! :)

Thanks for caring,

Anni

 

[onebravegirl]

Maybe your Guy should Try an EQ test. Emotional Equivalence. There is debate as to the fact that the it is the EQ test that more actually ascertain a persons success in life. It has to do with how you relate to others, how you see yourself compared to others. Are you open minded and reasonable, or more independent and egocentric ? How well can you read other peoples facial expressions, that sorta thing.

There are plenty of them on line for free. I have taken both tests and scored well but I will tell you, I feel more proud about being assessed as an empathetic and loyal personality than my IQ score.

Kinda not surprising that it was a man who would boast about the value of IQ, most are afraid of an EQ test! And of course not all men are like this-thank goodness.

PS. I was my therapist who suggested that I take an EQ test. She mentioned that PTSD survivors often do extremely well.
It has been my experience that those who like to brag about their IQs generally end up hugging their test scores at night..alone.
:rofl:
O

 

[Nicky31]

:thumbs-up Good thread. As others have said the self esteem and lack of it, really doesn't help.

My voluntary work demands that I remain non-judgmental at all times. It is actually really refreshing to accept people for who they are. I know such a view could be difficult on the forum where there is so much pain, destruction, devastation, but ultimately we are all human.

x

 

[AnnieLloyd]

I agree, where one individual may have an IQ that is off the chart, that same individual may not have one lick of common sense, but think they are superior to say your average person with an average IQ that is a very well-rounded individual. I have found through experience that just because you have all the knowledge in the world, it doesn't necessarily mean you are a good, or happy person. We are not put on this Earth to be judgemental of eachother, no matter what our status may or may not be.

 

[iwanttoLIVE]

This is a MAJOR sore spot with me.:mad:
I was bullied as a child and it had nothing to do with me because nobody knew me! They had heard their parents gossiping about my "loose" mother and looked at my greasy hair and dirty fingernails and decided that I was worthless white trash. It was just dirt and all I needed/wanted was someone to SEE ME. I am ashamed and sickened by anyone that would hurt/ostracize/reject a human being over something as irrelevant as IQ. I am just as ashamed and sickened by any person that would stand by and do nothing while others treat another soul in such a manner. There is NO substitute for compassion and love. The world has made intelligence the deciding factor in where you land on the ladder of importance. I think its a joke :doh: Thing is, I am very educated (and have a decent IQ) but it has never done me a damn bit of good because of my illness. What REALLY matters? How important & how many "friends" you have or whether you have strength of character, humility, kindness, and love for fellow human beings?

 

[anni]

Bullies and abusers seem to share the same motivations of power and control. Looked at like this, and the pervasivness of this whole 'I'm better than you for whatever reason so you must be slime' is a little scary!

It's NOT just a trite sentiment to say that what counts is character, compassion and kindness-not IQ, money, looks or postion. It might sound like a hokey greeting card, but 'it' just IS the truth. As PTSD sufferers I think we're more inclined than the general population to accept other's negative input about ourselves. Also, however, as PTSD sufferers I think our sense of kindness and compassion has been heightened. Basically, we can see this crap for what it is, lovely people for who they are, and act on what we know to be 'the right thing'.

That can't be a bad thing. :)

Anni

 

[TLight]

I like that term, "watered down abusers."

I've known a lot of these people, of course my father and brothers are the main ones who have done damage.

Bosses, customers...........oh, so many customers. I don't know what it is with people? Because they are paying someone many people see it as opening day to abuse and belittle the people attempting to serve them. It is just one of the most appalling things about human nature that I see happening all the time.

It triggers me when people do this to me, hence if I had to go back into customer service, I don't think I'd make it to long.

I hope that there is a 'special' place in the after life for people like these. There are certainly a ton of them and there seem to be more and more everyday. People who feel it's their right to belittle others so they can feel more powerful. It hurts my heart...........and to tell you the truth, I absolutely HATE people like this. I know hate is a strong word, but it is how I feel.

 

[midi]

I worked with both rapists and victims in the same room, day in and day out, for nearly a year. My view that I was better than a gang rapist had to go out the door or I would have gone completely insane.

 

[NarcSis]

Good Thread!

Helena,

Don't worry about using the forum as a personal venting space - is this not what we do on here??? If I get it out and I get at least some feedback, then I know I am not alone in my 'suffering' on the issue.

Getting back to the issue - I find that power struggles are commonplace in a group setting, especially if someone is assigned to a group that was already in existance.

The best leader would 'be the bigger man' and take this individual aside to get to know them, identify their strengths and learn to enable that person to function effectively in the group - if only life were full of these people huh? Most groups simply do not like what is "not them" and they will rebel against individualism by bullying in the hope that the 'outsider' will leave.

It sounds like this person may need an advocate on the inside. I can imagine how this person must feel - its like me in just about any situation with my managers, if they bother to acknowledge my presence, (this burns my butt, because I am a quiet person, but being ignored is just not acceptable.) I am usually acknowledged with an attitude of some imagined intellectual superiority...this usually leads me to an intellectual slap - something they somehow never see coming. (Did I mention that I am also pretty passive agressive?? :)

People can't be judged on face value. Nor can they be judged on intelligence alone, there are too many facets to the human personality to pigeon-hole someone. Of course, everyone knows what they say about Assuming things.....hopefully this comes back to bite someone for a lesson learned the hard way.