General " You're Not Helping..."

[May1321]

It's just one way of fine tuning ourselves... learning from one another how to handle such things in the future. Vent away, Angus. We'll catch ya!! :)

 

[Angus McGee]

Thanks, guys. When she had her relapse a few months ago, I was just as ignorant about PTSD as just about anyone. For the longest time, I thought it was something I did to make her so "mad" at me, and if I did or said the right thing, she would "snap out of it" and return to normal. When that didn't happen, I went through a stage of "maybe our marriage is over" which was very painful for me.

Then, I found this site. You all have truly been a Godsend in a lot of different ways. I get to vent, I realize that I'm not the only one going through this, and, I've learned a ton about the truth about PTSD, and it's symptoms.

I've learned that her relapse had nothing to do with me. There is nothing I did to cause it, there is very little I could have done to prevent it, and all I can do to bring her back is to continue to love her, pray for her, and give her the space she needs to heal. I understand there's a chance that she may never come home, but I'm not going to focus on that. I know what I need to do, and a big part of that is due to all of you.

A big thanks to all.
:)

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Angus, to be honest, I've actually had people say to me, or as regards me, "(you)/ this can't be for real"- as in you really 'mean' what you say, or believe what you do, or feel what you do, or are honest, etc. Whether that be re: symptoms, or decisions based on protecting a 'carer'- or 'whatever'- just 'myself'.

Later however the same people have said, "others I wouldn't believe but you I do".
So..
I don't get it either, but maybe it's why your cop friend has to see for himself.

I guess every human being has to go by their own heart/ mind/ experiences.

((((Angus))))

 

[Angus McGee]

I think you're right, Junebug. Although I'm not sure what it's going to take to convince my cop friend. I'm sure that if/when my wife starts going to that church again with me & the kids that many people won't look at her the same way they did before.

It's my hope that some day we will be able to share our story (testimony) in front of the church. Maybe then, those people who think she wanted to leave because she's seeing someone else, or wants out of the marriage, etc. will finally get a clue & see this terrible disorder for what it is.

 

[ISupportHer]

Angus, you said that maybe the people in church won't look at your wife the same. Maybe not but maybe that can be good. Although,for my wife, the PTSD has been for a few years, the depression, including hospitalizations, extend further. IIt has gotten to the point where much of that secrecy has gone. If she is in the hospital, her name is in the email prayer chain list, and even in the prayer list in the Sunday bulletin. No explanation, but those who know us, like the entire choir, of which she is a member, know what it is. They come to me and offer a kind word and when my wife returns, she is welcomed with open arms.

Are there some people who don't "get it"? Of course, but I think it is so much better now. I absolutely hear that others do not have the same experience with church and that is OK. Everyone is different. Different denominations see things differently. That's OK too.

So my message is that I hope this happens for you wife too, as well as you. That you have the support of any community you belong to, including church.

ISH

 

[amethist]

Just a thought Angus.

Lets hope your cop friend, or his wife, never goes through a trauma bad enough to cause either of them to be diagnosed with PTSD. Then they wont have to suffer from inconsiderate comments like this, from people who just don't/can't get it.

Amethist

 

[Angus McGee]

Thanks, ISH..

Right on the money, Amethist. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

 

[BigBear]

steps down form the soap box

Oh No! Stand on that soap box all day long. Those who know better had better use what they know. They are the ones that I really get adjetated about drawing and quartering...

Bear