Suicidal After Seeing Animal Abuse

[Anicca173]

I witnessed animal abuse when I was growing up. My mom would slam my dog around and choke her, I thought she would kill my best friend. Twice I've gone on facebook and seen graphic pictures of tortured animals. They were both click bait articles that my family liked, and both times I had horrible flashbacks. I hurt myself both times. I zone out and when i come back im bleeding. Last time I had to contact an emergency hotline because I was very suicidal and was scared I'd zone out and do something stupid. I couldnt sleep without taking a ton of benedryl because I see horrible things everytime I close my eyes. I can't stop hearing dogs in pain and seeing them being tortured in my head. All I saw was one glance at a picture on facebook and I have the worst break down I've ever had. Has anyone else had a problem like this? I'm really scared I'll hurt myself. I'm still living with my mom that hurt my dogs, so my options for help are very limited

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug:

I'd unsubscribe from the people who posted those links.

Are you under the age of 18?

 

[Anicca173]

:hug:

I'd unsubscribe from the people who posted those links.

Are you under the age of 18?[/QU...

I did, and no I'm 18 I'm just financially dependent on my abusers

 

[Friday]

Has anyone else had a problem like this?

Suicidal after being triggered? Yup.

Did it to my own dang self a few times in the past few weeks. One of these days I'll either stop dragging out repair manuals after hearing helicopters in the sky (gee, what a great idea, self. Take an already trigger and give it a nice big dose of OMFG), or I'll go about it in a rational manner / actually working on reducing the trigger instead of just punching myself in the gut. SMH. It's not crazy that I want to drag out my manuals, but I'm not in a place to be able to handle that, right now, so I need to stop until I am. Recognize that the impulse to do it is not in my best interest, right now. Yes, I'm all Zwing! suddenly super focus interested in XYZ, but that does not mean I have to engage it.

Other times I have absolutely no involvement in being triggered, except that I happen to be there.

In either case? I need to back myself down. Ground myself out in the here & now. It's just a trigger. That was then. Not now.

 

[EveHarrington]

I'd start working on an exit plan so you can take the right steps which will enable you to leave that home.

:hug:

 

[Anicca173]

I'd start working on an exit plan so you can take the right steps which will enable you to leave...

Right now my plan is to wait until I graduate high school and leave for college and don't come back. I need to figure out how to earn money until then without an in person job

 

[EveHarrington]

Is there a local crisis line you can call for support? :hug:

 

[Anicca173]

Is there a local crisis line you can call for support? :hug:

Yeah I message an anonymous one when my flashbacks are bad so my mom doesn't find out. I'm seeing a therapist that helps me too

 

[Stickler]

Yeah I message an anonymous one when my flashbacks are bad so my mom doesn't find out. I'm seeing a therapist that helps me too

Good!
I am glad to hear that you are getting good, solid help. We can't get through this stuff on our own.