Sexual Assault Dear Man Who Decided To Make Sexual Comments About Me

[Whyteferret]

it's funny but we were just discussing this in our men's class at sunday school this morning. We were tal...

@RussH
Please speak up when you see it. Men have to call our men on the behavior. Hopefully that will stop the stupid

 

[Alistair]

As a woman who has survived sexual abuse in both my childhood and teen years, I thought I would wri...

As a male I will say that your reaction to a simple, yet might I say, insensitive comment is the tell.

Until you can not be triggered by such things, you will not be getting well.

Knowing the feminist buzz-words roots you in the triggers.

Mental health means not being triggered.

 

[Alistair]

it's funny but we were just discussing this in our men's class at sunday school this morning. We were tal...

A man communicating this way is a fool at best.

 

[Kintsugi]

Really good point, @Whyteferret. I ended this letter the way I did because the dismissal of women (especially upset/angry/hysterical women) is still really pervasive. Men calling out men is extremely important. I'm a big fan of asserting that sexism and gender-based violence is not a women's issue; it's an everyone issue, and men may have the most influence in changing that issue. :)

 

[Whyteferret]

As a male I will say that your reaction to a simple, yet might I say, insensitive comment is the tell....

@Alistair
No one is a sex object. And no one has the "right" to say crap like that. That crap is how women are seen as sex objects, not human beings.

Your attitude is part of the problem. Nice way to blame the victims
But.. Wait. We're just supposed to "not be triggered" by a sexist comment. Or else we're just rooted in our trauma.

I don't know many women, sexual assault survivors or not, who really enjoy being seen as a sex object and harassed on the streets.

I suppose I'm just rooted in my triggers because your comment just pissed me off and I called you out on your crap.

 

[RussH]

Please speak up when you see it

I do.

 

[Kintsugi]

I don't know many women, sexual assault survivors or not, who really enjoy being seen as a sex object and harassed on the streets.

Of course we love it! #nowomanever

http://www.look.co.uk/fashion/nowomanever

PS: next time I'm in school, I'll ask that professors teaching social theory refrain from anything related to gender studies, because it's bad for my PTSD. :hilarious: My T is gonna love this.

 

[RussH]

As a male I will say that your reaction to a simple, yet might I say, insensitive comment is the tell.

Until you can not be triggered by such things, you will not be getting well.

I don't completely agree with this statement. I think a woman who is without any mental health issues, hears a guy talk about her like she is some kind of meat, fish in this case, would be justified in getting furious at him.
it is not a simple statement. It is a demeaning, dehumanizing statement that rightfully should be addressed in a calm but intense manner making it extremely clear to the man that his statement puts him at the same level as pig excrement.

 

[Kintsugi]

I realized, as I thought about this letter, that I was just addressing this one specific incident. Not the incidents where I was followed to my car, the ones where I was grabbed or touched inappropriately, the ones where I was explicitly propositioned, etc. etc. etc.

I think the vast majority of people reading here understand the ubiquity of instances like these, that women in general cannot go outside without worrying something like this will happen daily (because it has happened consistently in the past), but for those who see this interaction in a vacuum, instead of as a global and systemic issue, have some statistics! :woot:

http://www.stopstreetharassment.org/resources/statistics/statistics-academic-studies/

ETA: Have a resource, too. I love the idea behind this app
http://www.bustle.com/articles/1099...map-street-harassment-because-the-shame-is-on

 

[Deleted member 29920]

I wish I could have some of that

Just to any other men who think that is a simple statement -

It's not.

It's degrading, sexist, misogynistic and causes women and girls all over the world, just going about their daily business, to feel threatened, scared and objectified.

It's simply unacceptable.

 

[Alistair]

@Alistair
No one is a sex object. And no one has the "right" to say crap like...

Difficult situation, but fact remains. It's not what happens, it's how one reacts.

No blame intended.

 

[Ronin]

No @Alistair.

This backpedaling you're displaying right now won't work.
It's very much what happens.

How one reacts is up to the person, and you're no one to police it. In ANY fashion.