Childhood Gang Rape

[Friday]

Beautiful bloomy. Nature's child. Too strong too wither and die from the pain. Too noble to be beaten down by it. Too just to accept it - for yourself or any other victim.

^^^^
This.

 

[Suzetig]

@Bloomy thanks for posting, I'm sorry you've had these experiences and hope you can find som measure of healing. I'm going to move your thread to the childhood forum - you may find members who have similar experiences who can continue to support you in this.

 

[Bloomy]

I was thinkin about that yesterday after writing this - that words written sometimes can seem unsuffcient.
But then again I thought how can I dismiss all good intentions and support from you guys. And I tried to take it in that you give me support.
And I think Ive also posted about his issue before.
Very blurry head today. Barely hanging in there from to much of the ugly lately. I made the diary, but I see I seem to be a mess. Feel shameful for that.

Not pushing like on any of your comments all though I do like your comments. Just somehow feels wrong according to the subject.

Im a real mess right now it seems.

Sincerely appreciate do.

 

[katz]

There is a case here in Noway right now about a girl 18 years old that got drugged and gang raped by thr...

My ((( hugs ))) to you--if you take them.
I was also gang r** I was in lower grade school. The memories are terrible for me as well. Lot of nightmares. I hope you manage to find peace.

 

[katz]

Oh, no, Bloomy. Don't worry about that. We are all here for you. That's the idea of a chat room like this. So, we can all be there for the support we need now or didn't receive when we needed it the most.
((( hugs )) to you if you take them.

Keep remembering that you survived. Tell yourself that you made it. Your going to be ok. Give yourself credit for making it to the here and now. I know that sometimes I forget to do this. I even wrote myself a note to always remember it. I look at it every morning.

I dont care about the abortion. I care about that I was all alone in that hospital. I was scared shitles...[/QUOTE

 

[Bloomy]

@katz
It seems this is flashbacks that comes up when there is writing in the news and such things or other reminders. It seems in every day life I live ok enough with it. I means as ok as one can after such trauma I reckon that specially due to the character of the rape Ill never really get over it.
It sincerely disturbed the wiew I had on the world as safe place atleast outside my home when three white middle class boys from well situated homes could plan on such a evil event and then pull it through in such a way as they did. My belif in humanity has been severly distorted. And when I read in newspaper that similar events happens it cracks my sense of reality.

Also that they didnt give a shit about me in hospital. A young girl barely 15 years old. I cant belive they could think such bad things about me. A child as I was. Not even bothering about talking to me. Asking me what happend. As a human being. Left with no dignity what so ever and treated worse then an outcast. Just assuming the worst about a 15 year old like that. Crazy bitches.

I understand your pain as well Katz since we been through the same. They claim we women in western society have equal rights. Yeah right wer have. Equal rights not to be safe, to have jurdidical rights when something happens, to be called whores and treated as such in all to many cases.

Take well care.

 

[Friday]

My belif in humanity has been severly distorted. And when I read in newspaper that similar events happens it cracks my sense of reality.

You might try making your own news. Newspapers, Television, etc. all have editors that decide what we should be reading about. A long time ago I decided to become my own editor.

Meaning that I search out what I want to stay informed about.

I love the sense of awe & wonder, the innovation & energy found in science, in general, and then I cherry pick which areas of science to stay caught up in. Some of my -better known- regular contributors to the FridayTimes? National Geographic, Popular Mechanics, Popular Science, Smithsonian. Plus I've got a bunch of highly technical, very focus interest.

I love the arts. For similar reasons. Breathtaking beauty, passion, excitement. I'm subscribed to several museums, some more focus interest in certain genres, and a few individuals that I just really dig their work.

I love many things. I'm interested in many things. And in this age of information? Everyone publishes. :D So I'm able to create my own window into the outside world, and then point my telescope (or microscope) exactly where I want to. :sneaky:

But choosing what I wish to be informed about? Means I can also close the blinds, focus on me & mine (and that's okay!). And I can also point my telescope in another direction.

Some of those things I love or am interested in? I can't handle when I'm doing badly. I usually follow Embassy Press Releases. World politics. And a few other areas that, nope! Just cannot handle when I'm doing badly.

Information is only as good as what it's being used for. If it's f*cking me up? It's not being put to good use. So I'll take a break from those areas.

What excites you, Bloomy? What enervates you? Sets your mind afire with possibilites and joy and wonder? Because, guaranteed, there are people doing those things in the world. And someone is taking pictures and writing about them! :D

 

[Ronin]

^ This. & This is the internet, can be huugely helpful in making things and connecting with people.

You're already damned good & outspoken & clearly articulating, Bloomy, just by having the courage to post on this site. You can use it in any other space, however wished, too.

 

[Ronin]

But then again I thought how can I dismiss all good intentions and support from you guys.

If you don't use it now, it will be waiting there for later. :sneaky: So all in a good time, no pressure.

 

[Deleted member 35737]

Soo sad about it.

 

[Bloomy]

@Friday Im working on changing my mindset :-) Im working on getting back to me. The curious adventours girl I used to be that wanted to learn more about nearly everything.
Ive also considered that reading the news is not so good for me. Do its dificult to avoid at times since news also are spread to places like facebook.

Thanks for inspiring comment and Ill be chewing more on it by re reading and digesting.

@Cashew really :geek: Yeah - as Ive said to Friday I need slow digesting cauze there are so many things on my plate I cant eat the whole elephant without choking on it :rolleyes: Piece by piece I hope Ill be able to swallow down :happy:

About the clear artcualetion I need also to learn that this is how other might see me whilst I myself see only a blurry mess :ninja:

 

[GMW]

Hi Bloomy

I understand where you're coming from with the self-loathing. My mum found out that I'd been raped as a 5yr old when I was 8. I didn't have the words to describe it properly so maybe I made it sound like consensual sex or something. Anyway my abuser was a man in his 40s (I think). She told me I was making stuff up, that the lies I'd told were dangerous and disgusting and that if they were true, I had committed adultery and God finds that unforgivable.

That stayed with me. I was being abused by a female too, so I believed all my life I was an adulteress little slut who was probably a lesbian too. Let's not forget the fact that I believed I was a liar as well.

Fast forward to when I'm 24. I ended up in an abusive relationship with a married man who raped me. 7 years later (I'm 32 now) and I am only just beginning to learn that it was not adultery, I am not to blame and he was a manipulative, lying, bastard.

I think perhaps you know from the fact that you are so angry (rightly so) that actually, you are NOT to blame. You are NOT a slut. Your anger is your emotions catching up with that realisation that you didn't deserve, ask for or want any of it. You are deserving of respect and love. You were deserving of support and belief and help.

You deserved more. You have every right to be angry. I would encourage you to sit with the anger. Allow it to remind you that you DESERVED someone to be angry on your behalf, let it help wash away some of the self-loathing and put the blame back where it belongs.

We are all here to listen. Anger is a valid, powerful, validating emotion. There is no shame in it.