Too Attached? To Therapist

[loui50]

Hi everyone. I'm new here and have a question about Therapy. I'm curious if anyone has ever felt too attached to their therapist and if my relationship with mine is healthy. I always thought I was supposed to remain detached from my therapist as a person. But I just can't. I mean, she knows everything going on in my brain!! Is it healthy to feel like they truely care about you as a person? Aren't they supposed to care? I guess I'm confused and I'm not comfortable asking her. I read another thread that a person felt to detached from her therapist. I didn't want to hijack her thread but everything people are saying make me think I'm not crazy for caring, LOL..

I had a therapist for 7 years that I was very attached to and i only quit seeing her because I moved. One thing that we always did at the end of my session was she gave me a hug. I know this will sound weird but it was like i poured my heart out to her in therapy and the hug symbolized sealing my feeling back up until next time and I was able to leave feeling okay. Was that even okay? We never talked about what the hug meant to me. It was just something we were both comfortable with.

I have been seeing my new therapist for about 4 months and I'm going through an insurance change. I Dont want to quit seeing her because I trust her and I like her. I'm considering continuing to see her and self paying even though there are obviously other therapists that will take my new insurance.

 

[rosey]

Think it what you outline is very common. i have had three therapists and felt very attached to each of them in different ways. The first was very mutual we were both very open about the level off attachment we felt towards each other and it was hard leaving her after a few years because i needed more specialist help. I very recently went back to her but only for a few weeks when it became obvious to me that the boundaries were too blurred she worried about me making it difficult for me to fully open up as i did not want to give her reason to worry. Also she has shared a lot with me and i found it hard not to ask her about her life. very hard and painful leaving her but was the right thing to do. I think you just have to be honest about the attachment nothing wrong with a hug as long as it is mutual just manage your exit from therapy well when the time comes. i think if you have found a good therapist that you are safe and comfortable with then you have done well.

 

[loui50]

Think it what you outline is very common. i have had three therapists and felt very attached to each of t...

Yes. The therapist I saw for 7 years became like family to me. She shared about her life as well and we were both okay with it. I don't have that kind of relationship with my current therapist that I've been seeing for about 4 months. I do fell like I need some way to end my sessions though. And I'm scared to talk to her about it. She always ends with summarizing what we have talked about, setting additional appointments and if I need it, telling me ways to self calm/positive self talk. I guess I don't really know what I need. I just leave feeling so exposed sometimes.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Is it healthy to feel like they truely care about you as a person? Aren't they supposed to care?

Yes, and yes they should.

My therapist speaks to me like a friend, to me a bit more blunt then most cause he knows i get what he means and he speaks about more then he would normally. Like his family and stuff. Yesterday's session he told me that he hasnt heard of a story as "horrific" as mine but that I function much better than a lot of his past patients.

Im honored that he feels comfortable enough with me to talk about his family and stuff. And its helped me and get me to see what a "normal" family looks like.

My therapist is the only person on this planet I fully trust.

A good theraputic relationship is one of prossionalism but of care, consideration, and trust both ways, if that makes sense. My opinion and obviously you can have a good theraputic enviroment without that and needed more for the patient, im just saying that, personally, id sniff out "i dont care" and id have already ended that therapy and found another.

 

[Panda Bear]

All the things you're describing sound normal and I've had a similar, healthy relationship with my long term T.

 

[Snowflake]

Hi @loui50

About 20 years ago I had a therapist that was amazing. She hugged me at the end of the sessions and always said I was like a daughter she never had. Unfortunately she retired after a year unexpectedly and moved many many many many miles away . I saw another for 10 years but it wasn't the same-she didn't hug and we didn't get into the trauma just the present day stuff. For two years I have seen a trauma psychologist. She is my age but I feel like a small child when I am with her and I crave her attention and boy do I crave a hug. But she doesn't give them.
I got the nerve to ask her a few months ago and she said if she gave me a hug she thinks I would be too devastated when she didn't. She just doesn't hug-the closest thing is touching my shoulder as i leave her office. I can't express how much this hurts me-my inner child. I share my pain with her, my trauma, my life, my dreams, my hopes and my fears. Why can't she just hug me??? I have two choices-leave or stay. At this time I am staying-I have no energy, patience, strength, time to look for someone else-for a hug???? So I keep going hoping one day she will give me one.

I think it's normal to become attached to our therapists. I believe there are many posts here about that. And each therapist is different-with different boundaries. Think about what you and your inner child needs and if it's a hug then ask. Hang in there-your not alone.

 

[loui50]

Hi @loui50

About 20 years ago I had a therapist that was amazing. She hugged me...

Maybe I'll muster up the courage to ask for a hug next session. But i don't know. My inner child is afraid she will say no.

 

[Snowflake]

Maybe I'll muster up the courage to ask for a hug next session. But i don't know. My inner child is af...

Mine did too-I wrote it in a journal writing-which I let her usually read-it felt safer. I still covered my face when she talked about it-very scary for me

 

[Panda Bear]

@loui50

You won't know until you ask and whats the worst that can happen? T might say no, and you'll have an answer. It'll stop eating at you.

Don't get me wrong, I totally anguisehd over this same subject a few months ago. It was painful and scary at the same time!! I gathered the courage and just asked if T hugged his clients. With out a doubt, he does and he would hug me in heart beat if I asked.

 

[loui50]

@loui50

You won't know until you ask and whats the worst that can happen? T mig...

In my head the worst that can happen is that she will say no and want to stop seeing me because I've overstepped a boundry. I'm terrified. Yeah, I have issues with abandonment too on top of PTSD.

 

[Snowflake]

In my head the worst that can happen is that she will say no and want to stop seeing me because I've ove...

Yep the fear of punishment, abandonment....it's horrible isn't it? I don't even look at my therapist because I am afraid of "an evil look."

 

[Weemie]

it's all about humans relating with humans. it's natural for a compassionate therapist to feel the pull of speaking to another human being sitting in front of them. my therapist has said this to me many times, that she feels extremely sad for what happened, and has used the words, "the hell you've been through." which to me is an emotional statement.

and we talk about it a lot mostly because it's impossible for me not to bring up those kinds of dynamics in a session. i have a clear-cut purpose for being there: i am in trauma therapy to deal with my trauma, to have another person come in and help me examine, deconstruct and reconstruct its impact on my life. therapists aren't computers and i don't expect they act like one.

i am attached to my therapist because she is extremely competent and respects my boundaries. i have had many, many therapists and social workers in my youth who i felt nothing for--they were pandering to me, catering to my "whims" as something they believed i would be better served without. condescension has no place in therapy.