Sex As A Coping Tool?

[Ukoli]

@bafof
it's horrible isn't it. Sex is such a place of hurt for so many of us. I feel like casual sex probably works ok for thd young and beautiful - even then it's not that it works so much as maybe a temporary feeling of being loved or at least wanted.
Casual sex feels like everything horrible about the world all mushed up together - desirability based on looks, no emotional connection, fast food intimacy. McDonald's connection.
Or the opposite - rejection, awakening emotional insecurities in one if the other. Empty, crazy making, slut shaming, stalker awakening.
Maybe an emotional bandaid for one person, might rip the bandaid off another person.
I've done it. Most people I know have done it. Everyone ends up regretting it.
Older and wiser now

 

[Fibuj]

Casual sex feels like everything horrible about the world all mushed up together - desirability based on looks, no emotional connection, fast food intimacy.

Ha ha. Yes. I don't go there.

I feel like casual sex probably works ok for thd young and beautiful - even then it's not that it works so much as maybe a temporary feeling of being loved or at least wanted.

For the guys at least. I'm honestly baffled as to why a young, good looking girl would put out with no strings. Just seems brainless to me.

Sex is such a place of hurt for so many of us.

Yeah, it is, and it's so hush-hush that you never really get a chance to vent about it, so it just builds. Even my last therapist wouldn't let me talk about it--it was too triggering for her!

 

[Juru]

^^^^^^^^Bafof^^^^^^^^^

 

[Mafal]

Tough one for me...I have a contradictory relationship to sex: on one hand it makes me feel more secure, like my world won't fall apart/my relationship is ok, and I'm so eager for the closeness/connection/comfort that can be found there... but on the other I can get racing heart and brain-check-out, which in turn makes me feel sad/guilty/isolated....and I should add this is all in a monogamous, long-term and loving context...well, so anyway, I have some sex issues, working on that...:(

 

[Zumupac]

For the guys at least. I'm honestly baffled as to why a young, good looking girl would put out with no strings. Just seems brainless to me

Kind of like playing a sport if you're not going to be in the olympics? Or working if you're not being paid? Or owning more than one set of clothes?

Sports (and sex) aren't fun for everyone. But they're fun for some.
Volunteering (and sex) aren't fulfilling to everyone. Some people need a contract.
Fashion (and sex) seem pointless to some people. For others fashion is artistry, or practicability.

It's as brainless to put out with no strings, as it is brainless to hold out for strings. It's not. In either case. It's the exact same thing; personal preference.

 

[Piket]

thats true - although a lot riskier than voluntary work or sport for both participants if there is no emotional attachment.
I don't see sex as pointless but I don't see it in the same vein as artistry or fashion.
But I guess it depends on your history. I learned the hard way what a powerful force sex can be - for good or for bad.
The bad was pretty $&@! awful. Don't want that again if it can be avoided!!

 

[Oman]

The bad was pretty $&@! awful. Don't want that again if it can be avoided!!

Yeah, and women who go the no strings route tend to attract the bad stuff like a magnet. So why would they do it when there's so much crap to wade through for three to five minutes of...what exactly?

 

[Utef]

Sex? (-:

 

[Kucip]

Sex? (-:

Call me old fashioned, but I don't believe that three-five min. of poking by a stranger is any woman's idea of sex.

 

[Laninun]

thats true - although a lot riskier than voluntary work or sport for both participants if there is no emotional attachment.

I suppose that depends on your idea of risk. Most sports require signing an 'Injury, Maiming, & Death' waiver... As all 3 are common occurrences. And volunteering with inner city youth, volunteer firefighting, domestic violence shelters, etc. aren't exactly the same a volunteering at a university library, or home for indignant cats, but they're all volunteering.

All parallels break down eventually. The point mainly being; Reasonable people can & do differ :)

Whether people have casual sex, or sex only inside of committed relationships, or anything in between? Each decision can be made reasonably, rationally, and fully following the dictates of one's own conscience. Rather than there being a serious lack of conscience, on either side of the line. Neither a slut to be giving it away for free, nor a whore to be demanding strings attached as payment in kind. Instead, 2 rational women, making decisions for themselves and their own lives, as they best see fit. Just with opposite preferences.

 

[Tejihop]

I don't believe that three-five min. of poking by a stranger is any woman's idea of sex.

Eh, speak for yourself. personally, I can enjoy that.

 

[Civelo]

It's not about women being sluts or whores - I don't buy into those words or the double standards that sit alongside them.
The risks of casual sex far outweigh any of the examples mentioned in sport and volunteering - esp for women - pregnancy and infertility being two of the biggies
but I agree - vive Le difference. If it's what you want to do and you don't get hurt by it, it's your own body!
I'm older now and most people I know have tried the casual sex thing - to be honest, I don't know anyone who doesn't regret it. Men included.
That's the honest truth