How Long It Took You The Believe That Your Flashbacks Are Real?

[PTSDfree]

I didn't realize that what my mom did was wrong or that my gaslighted memories/flashbacks were real until after she died. She always confused me because she would say that I was a piece of shit and/or say that I was abusing her and/or that I was lying about her actions by begging the police for help (who never did anything btw).

 

[sun seeker]

Don't know if this is any consolation, but tonight I remembered yet another part of an early childhood trauma... and really wished I hadn't. I mean, it explains a lot, and if I work with it maybe it will help me feel better. But it was devastating, overwhelming, like "My God, what DIDN'T happen to me?!" So, the focus does change after a while, at least.

 

[Hope1969]

Don't know if this is any consolation, but tonight I remembered yet another part of an early childho...

i am so sory that you had such an experience. sending you good thoughts and a hug if you will accept :hug:

 

[katz]

The question is for those of you who didn't remember the abuse but started to have sudden flashbacks o...

I started writing them down. Then as the years went on, I finally started to believe that no one could create these kind of terrible stories just by dreaming.
I finally heard a friend tell my mom that "these are not things she could have made up".

 

[One step at a time]

For a long time, they were just raw emotions without memory attached. But I wasn't super good at identifying emotions, and so it just felt like these times when my brain would suddenly erupt into chaos. I worried it was a sign of insanity.
After a few years, after someone finally got close enough to me to realize I had memory gaps and told me there was probably something behind that (abuse), I was able to start connecting what I experienced on a daily basis with what I felt when I tried to talk about the past. In both cases, I was feeling emotions! And they were related to things that I remembered!
I did do some fact-checking about what I remembered. Mostly by reading through archives on my old email account, and a little bit by talking with people that knew me before.

 

[Hope1969]

I started writing them down. Then as the years went on, I finally started to believe that no one could cre...

I write sometimes. But not all of them. I forget them few minutes after I experience them.

 

[katz]

It took me years of patience and therapy to finally believe myself. I also decided to find myself some evidence. I carefully started looking for just one thing about each "incident". Some thing that I could keep and look at or remember when ever I doubted myself. Which is still many, many times. I still have to look at these pieces of evidence I have, even after all these years, just to say "it did happen" to myself.

 

[Hope1969]

I still have to look at these pieces of evidence I have, even after all these years, just to say "it did happen" to myself.

It's sad

I don't have evidence and I think that I will never have real evidence. But I am starting to have flashbacks in which suddenly one item looks familiar. I remembered his watch ( looked in the old pictures and found the watch ). The last flashback I had few days ago , one of the things that happened seemed familiar. Most of the flashbacks are just kind of movies that are happening right now. But they are not familiar. The last one was familiar. I became painfully sad for 2 days. Didn't work. Didn't care about my job. Huge sadness. I knew it's true. It did happen.

And now - I am far from the experience and I started to doubt myself again.

 

[katz]

It's sad

I don't have evidence and I think that I will never have real evidence. But I am starting to...

I've also been amazed how many of my memories are attached to smells. I know that it is normal to do this. I guess that I just find it an interesting thing. When ever a smell or some thing triggers me, I quickly look around and take notice of what triggered it. Some times it vanishes too fast for me to figure it out.