Relationship Keep Trying Or Give Up?

[Justmehere]

I'd take this as a great opportunity to walk away.

 

[rosey]

YET!!!!

 

[mamachick]

When a guy tells another female that he is dating but its not serious, and it clearly is to you-RUN
If other women think he is not married and he is-to you-You probably should be suspicious
Of course everyone talks to the opposite sex, thats a given, but when they are hidden, don't share their status freely, and clearly, using it as a weapon for you, there is a problem.

When you say he is not seeking a replacement yet, I think of it as the next romantic victim.

 

[aut555]

I gotta agree with the posts. Why are you tolerating these dalliances? Do you yourself think that this is as good as it will get for you? That there will never be another guy, so putting up with the occasional breakups and occasional emotional chat flings are all you are worthy of? Sorry, l don't mean you are not worth it, l feel you are worth more than this, but you are in this "eyes wide open"; but are your eyes shutting out all the signs. If someone is good enough, he will jump and you will be waiting for him? Is that how you really want to be viewed? But on the other hand, you truly know what is going on, we are just bystanders in this.

 

[Thizette]

I have access to his account and I have read the conversation

So, I don't think it's healthy for people to go in and read their partner's messages//email, etc, even if the partner gave you access to the account. My partner could easily pick up my phone and go through it, but he doesn't, because privacy matters. Similarly, I have the code to his phone because he's asked me to open it and do things before, but I don't ever use it to check up on him. You need trust in a relationship and you need privacy.

That being said, dump his sorry ass. PTSD isn't an excuse for violating the boundaries you've set up in the relationship.

 

[Gs172003]

So, I don't think it's healthy for people to go in and read their partner's messages//email, etc, even...

People with nothing to hide hide nothing.

I used to think like you. Until I was burned by being too trusting. That ended that.

 

[Thizette]

People with nothing to hide hide nothing.

It's not about hiding, it's about sneaking. I experienced extreme violations of privacy as a child and still dislike people reading over my shoulder or looking at my stuff. It's extremely triggering for me. Once, my partner asked me something about an email I was reading, something specific that he would only know if he was reading it over my shoulder. I was incredibly upset by it and told him that I was not ok with that. He respected it.

The thing is, if he asked me, I would have shown him. The problem is that he didn't ask me.

I am sometimes tempted to read over his shoulder, but I don't. If I'm that curious, I ask him, and he'll tell me about it or show me. Our communication is strong enough that no one needs to snoop.

Consider this: in this forum, we have privacy rules for a reason. I'm involved in other groups with strict privacy rules as well. One of the groups, a women's group, some of its members are people he knows, and they are talking about deeply personal things in that group, and if he logged in as me, it wouldn't just be a violation of my privacy, it would be a violation of theirs. I might choose to tell him about discussions I had in those forums or I might not. It's not his business, though. When I discuss those things with him, it's for my benefit, not his.

I've been burned before, too. I've trusted and lost. I still don't believe that snooping is ok unless there is compelling reason to fear for someone's life or safety.

 

[Gs172003]

It's not about hiding, it's about sneaking. I experienced extreme violations of privacy as a child and...

If he logged in as you that would be a violation. If he felt like he had an inkling something wasnt right and logged on and read some posts/ private messages, that's another.

I used to pride myself on how trusting I was. Until I was given a reason not to be. Now I will check things at random. " trust but verify ".

 

[mamachick]

I experienced extreme violations of privacy as a child and still dislike people reading over my shoulder or looking at my stuff. It's extremely triggering for me.

I understand this all too well. I had no privacy growing up, and my letters were read and phone calls monitored among other snooping on me. That is a horrible feeling. I have never looked in my partners things or snooped. I know many women who do and sometimes it is their issues with trust. However, in other cases such as missy's, I agree with how she is handling it.

I think once a person has broken that trust, and it has an impact on the safety of the family, then the person who broke the trust must accept that in order to regain that trust, it is open for random checks. It must be part of the repair process and for as long as it takes.

Hugs missy, if its ok. I am hoping things go well.

 

[mamachick]

Sorry, I lost train of thought during last post and forgot to include this. We each have our own line that we draw in the sand of what would change us to need to snoop, and I don't think there is a right answer. What is "safety" or "well being" is reflected in our own values and what we can personally take without it destroying us. Better to take measures now than to be blind sided and not protected.

I always prided myself on not being that way as well because I respected and wanted that privacy from and for others in my family. Ideally, that is what I want. Reality- some have done things I could have never imagined. I think we must do what we feel is best and only we can measure our own self and that is hard enough to decide what is right.

 

[Gs172003]

I understand this all too well. I had no privacy growing up, and my letters were read and phone calls mon...

Thank you

 

[Thizette]

it is open for random checks

I still think those things need to be announced. If someone has violated your trust and you ask to see something and they don't care enough about regaining your trust to show it to you, well, that's everything you need to know right there, isn't it?