Parts That Want Us Dead

[Pixielicious]

Dissociation Identity Disorder. It used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder.

Ah ok, thanks, I do now know what it is, mpd, I didn't know they changed the name.... :)

 

[PTSDsirv]

Thanks. I would be very interested in what the name of the book is. Do you mind sharing?

A brand new book with a lot of good information on treating DID is "Treating Trauma - Related Dissociation" by Steele, Boon and Van Der Hart. It is published by Norton Books and has only been available for a couple of weeks. The authors are considered world wide experts on DID. It is nearly 500 pages. The one drawback is that it is written for therapists so it may be too much information for some.

 

[BlueOrange]

Ooh, new book from Van Der Hart! I loved Fractured Self.

 

[Tinyflame]

I don't have DID but is there such a thing as part of yourself giving up (on yourself)? Or part dead already, sort of? Thanks.

 

[shimmerz]

I am not DID either. I think it most likely is possible that a part of oneself can give up on ourselves. And I think as far as the part dead thing goes - I feel that way many times since this newest PTSD flairup.

The part that I thought of when I typed out this post (the ditch diver/roaster/throw us off a cliff part), I think, is attempting to escape. And that is her only job. And she is not old enough or savvy enough to understand that she doesn't have to die in order to escape.

That being said, I have still not been able to escape from the tenuous situation that I find myself in and I think it would only take a tiny push to have this part take over again.

If only I could give her a better plan to work with. I think she is very black white (without the white). Escape by way of death is all she actually knows.

 

[shimmerz]

has only been available for a couple of weeks.

Hmmm, Amazon says it isn't being released until the end of November.

 

[BlueOrange]

Hmmm, Amazon says it isn't being released until the end of November.

Same with the publisher.

 

[BlueOrange]

I don't have DID but is there such a thing as part of yourself giving up (on yourself)? Or part dead alr...

Definitely - I've had parts that have been very severely depressed. I suspect that some people who present as bipolar are people with a manic part and a depressive part.

And the depressive part is definitely someone that I feel ashamed of and dissociate from. I tend to deny that it exists, and neglect its needs. (Diagnosed DID.)

 

[Friday]

Mostly redacted for clarity's sake. Not deleted since there are comments, but sometimes the way my head works just doesn't translate very well.

Spoiler: NVM

If only I could give her a better plan to work with. I think she is very black white (without the white). Escape by way of death is all she actually knows.

Take this with a large grain of salt... The things that are most important to me? I teach myself how to do, regardless of what headspace I'm in. Whether it's physical, mental, emotional. If it's important to me? I want access to it at all times? I keep teaching myself, and practicing, under every condition I can engineer. Something of a universal toolkit. So I don't have to be in a certain mood, or particular headspace, to be able to deploy it.

They key point, for me, is that just training one skill set never really works. Whether I'm learning to shoot under all conditions, or learning to have a better escape plan no matter what headspace I'm in. I actually have to train that skill... Under all conditions. Shooting that means hot/ cold/ exhausted/ excited/ dark/ moving/ still/ windy/ buggy/ loud/ quiet/ injured/ sick/ sexed up/ furious/ happy/ alone/ distracted/ etc. I'm training my body to function the same way under different circumstances. When I'm training my mind? Same deal. I can't just pick the one headspace I am seriously f*cked up with to be able to deploy a skill that is at complete odds with everything else in that headspace. Instead, I have to pick a skill/ behavior/ thought-process/ etc., and train myself to be able to use it in every headspace.

And, it just makes the most sense, not to start with the hardest (in this case) but in the areas that are already naturally inclined to it, and may durn well already use different versions of it*. Start practicing and building up the competence -no matter where my head is at- and gradually work my way up to the harder areas. Just like when I'm training my body? I don't go from perfect conditions (healthy/ rested/ clear-line-of-sight/ no wind/ etc.) to worst conditions (sick/ injured/ exhausted/ havin run for miles/ on a pitching deck/ in a storm) and think I'm gonna have a snowflake's chance in hell of success. It's too big an ask. All I'm doing there is setting myself up for failure, unless I just get lucky. However, once I've trained myself to be able to shoot reasonably well under most conditions? It becomes 2nd nature to adapt to the exact same training protocol I've been using for months. Okay. We know this. We've been doing this. It might not be our preferred method, but I can accept that it's a method worth learning -best case- and having learned by example -worst case- does no harm. Just because I *can* shoot under these conditions / have access to other escape plans? Doesn't mean I have to. So it's not a threat.

*I also may back-fill. When I come across an option I use when I'm here in my head, that I like? I may add that variant to the toolkit. Usually do, in fact. Because it makes it a more complete / more solid / better overall universal-skill.

 

[sun seeker]

That being said, I have still not been able to escape from the tenuous situation that I find myself in and I think it would only take a tiny push to have this part take over again.

Just for clarity, what is the tenuous situation? Inside or outside of you? I mean, are there outside circumstances putting you in danger, or is the danger in not knowing how to cope with the circumstances?

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm not sure I can fully appreciate @Friday 's response :notworthy: , because I'm not sure how one trains one's head, in that train the response but where's the genesis?

@BlueOrange , is it possible it's not depression? For example I can think of anxiety, or shame. Or the big push here where the vast majority think assisted death is an understandable preferable choice for say, someone with cancer or paralyzed.

 

[BlueOrange]

@BlueOrange , is it possible it's not Depression? For example I can think of Anxiety, or Shame.

Oh yes, absolutely. This morning, I was thinking in very limited terms about the question "Is it possible for a part to be depressed?" and my answer was "Yes."

When it comes to motivations for self-destruction, anxiety and shame are also very strong candidates. If a person has an incurable and painful physical condition, then the desire to die can be perceived as rational. In dissociation, there are other possibilities as well (including a kind of 'homicidal intent' towards another part).

Thinking about @Friday 's response, my thinking is to perhaps treat different parts/identities as 'members of a squad' and try to make sure that they all receive training in the habits that they need to learn. This probably involves working with a therapist to come up with a kind of 'training plan'.