I was told by my therapist I have PTSD about 4 months ago. It came about from a fairly complex situation based around stalking. I am yet to come across anyone else who is able to relate. I don't see myself as a victim but the events undoubtedly had a severe effect on me.
It started when my girlfriend began having some unwanted contact from a old friend of hers, someone who is not mentally stable and has been arrested for assault. It was obvious he was infatuated by her and would send hundreds of page long texts in a single night for weeks and then nothing for months. Last summer it became more than texts about love and delusions. Once he started talking assault, rape and kidnapping I stepped in more and we changed her number. I became the buffer between him and my girlfriend. I was told by a private investigator to collect all messages he sent and posted on social media. I would spend between 1 and 5 hours going through pages and pages of his perverted delusions and threats towards myself and professions of love to my girlfriend. He claimed they must be together no matter what, that he would never stop, he would kill me to get to her and so on.
Needles to say I was upset. I felt fear and anxiety every day. I was the single person in charge of being with her at all times, moving her from house to house to keep away from having any pattern. I developed the most intense sense of rage toward this person. I cannot explain my hatred and the things I want to do to him.
I struggle to this day with the thoughts I have rolling around in my head and suffer from flashbacks, nightmares daily. I wakeup sweating looking for my gun in the bed sheet (there is no gun in the bed) because I am sure he is in the room about to attack her. I see his face in strangers on the street and become enraged and ready to attack them, just to realize its not him. I check cars I don't recognize on my street at night.
Frankly I feel insane. I am filled with rage every day. I am mentally exhausted and struggle with self harm and alcohol.
I am only comforted by the fact that my girlfriend was shielded from the things he said and has no serious effects as of yet.
If anyone can relate I would truly appreciate it.
It started when my girlfriend began having some unwanted contact from a old friend of hers, someone who is not mentally stable and has been arrested for assault. It was obvious he was infatuated by her and would send hundreds of page long texts in a single night for weeks and then nothing for months. Last summer it became more than texts about love and delusions. Once he started talking assault, rape and kidnapping I stepped in more and we changed her number. I became the buffer between him and my girlfriend. I was told by a private investigator to collect all messages he sent and posted on social media. I would spend between 1 and 5 hours going through pages and pages of his perverted delusions and threats towards myself and professions of love to my girlfriend. He claimed they must be together no matter what, that he would never stop, he would kill me to get to her and so on.
Needles to say I was upset. I felt fear and anxiety every day. I was the single person in charge of being with her at all times, moving her from house to house to keep away from having any pattern. I developed the most intense sense of rage toward this person. I cannot explain my hatred and the things I want to do to him.
I struggle to this day with the thoughts I have rolling around in my head and suffer from flashbacks, nightmares daily. I wakeup sweating looking for my gun in the bed sheet (there is no gun in the bed) because I am sure he is in the room about to attack her. I see his face in strangers on the street and become enraged and ready to attack them, just to realize its not him. I check cars I don't recognize on my street at night.
Frankly I feel insane. I am filled with rage every day. I am mentally exhausted and struggle with self harm and alcohol.
I am only comforted by the fact that my girlfriend was shielded from the things he said and has no serious effects as of yet.
If anyone can relate I would truly appreciate it.