So I Managed To Allow My Husband

[Gs172003]

To be intimate with me yesterday and was Soooo detached and no flashbacks or anything that I remember but did cry some after. I've been pretty pissed since but trying not to let that get to me. That's not the issue. I'm used to that. Here's the issue. He won't leave me the hell alone now. He won't stop being all lovey dovey and I can't handle it but I'm TRYING to be nice and not tell him to leave me the crap alone and stop touching me but he just keeps on and on.

Uuuuugggghhhhh

It's really pissing me off.


Sorry

 

[Gs172003]

I'm now hanging out in the bathroom at this point just to get away from him.

 

[rightkindofme]

It sounds like maybe some time in couples therapy might be useful. Maybe if you had help describing your touch aversion stuff he might understand better?

 

[Gs172003]

It sounds like maybe some time in couples therapy might be useful. Maybe if you had help describi...

I don't know how to tell him. Right now I just need to get out of here

 

[Gs172003]

Y'all I need help calming down I'm freaking out

 

[Fadeaway]

Is his love language touch? If it is, than he probably believes that is the way to show appreciation. One thing that might help is to tell him your skin is hyper sensitive right now, and being touched can be painful. You are open to a massage later on though when it goes away.That literally does happen to me even when I crave being touched, but it gets the message across.

 

[Fadeaway]

Deep breaths. Focus on it. Inhale for 3 seconds, hold for a count of 1 then exhale as slow as you can 4 counts or more.

I am working on the breathing right now for my panic so we can do it together. You can have a spiky bubble like mine. It is like a one way mirror I can see out but people can't see in. It is wrapped in barbed wire and vines with thorns. I is a very nice safe place. because I can float away to anywhere in it.

 

[Gs172003]

Is his love language touch? If it is, than he probably believes that is the way to show appreciation....

I hate being loved on. I don't know why and he's very lovey dovey. I'm having a real. Real hard time with it. I'm hoping to sneak past him and leave without him knowing I'm leaving. I'm trying to not start panicking I'm breathing through an attack right now doing that whole senses thing but it's not working just going in there is freaking me out

 

[Gs172003]

He's going to want more I don't want to do more

 

[illusionist]

Totally understand this......can you find a reason to get out on your own, so you can collect your thoughts and have a bit of space?

Feel for you.

 

[Gs172003]

Totally understand this......can you find a reason to get out on your own, so you can collect your...

I'm going to the gym

 

[Powder]

I've so been there, @Zoogal

Even when one of my school children stands behind me and I suddenly notice, I have felt "violated" by being triggered. Worse for you since you feel you 'allowed it.'

However, you did not allow yourself to be 'triggered.' That is PTSD's fault, not yours. You are not to blame.

You should not feel guilt or shame for this; not your fault.

You got triggered and are having emotional flashbacks or flashbacks are trying to surface? Something in that realm, it seems.

Do you have flashback management and ground steps that you do to self-care?

I learned by basing mine on: http://pete-walker.com/pdf/13StepsManageFlashbacks.pdf


I do:

1. ice cold water
2. go for a brisk walk if I can (usually can't)
3. I also go to private place, like bathroom, and squat down and hug my body tightly (this sometimes tricks my brain into feeling safe and like the violation is 'over'

3. I repeat in my mind "I'm just having a flashback" "this isn't really happening" I am safe here. I can choose how I feel today! I am free. I am an adult, now.

4. what really pulls me out is deciding to do something to help my kids out anyway, and this tends to counteract the "I am a wounded child" feeling and puts me back in the driver's seat


@Zoogal

You're a good person who bad things happened to. You are free now, safe now, and loved. Love yourself and take whatever you need for yourself today. Today is your day. I believe in you.

I wish I could offer you a magic potion that would erase your PTSD right now. For both of us. I wish we were never hurt. It's okay to accept that we were hurt and that it's still affecting our lives now in big ways.