Relationship It's Over, A Big Thank You X

[Newtoptsd]

Oh, I thought he was in rehab for a substance abuse problem. Glad to hear that he doesn't...

Nooooo no substance abuse he is very much on the straight and narrow in that sense.

I think if you're codependent then being with someone who suffers from PTSD is definitely not for you, they can't support you because they have too much going on themselves. It sounds like you're also a very strong female character which weirdly frightens him but I think he also likes it - strange. It's easy to say that we wish we had met them before but I really don't wish I had met my vet before because I love every inch of him now even the PTSD inch ... may seem strange to you but my SO is the man i love because of whats he's been through, he manages his triggers fairly well at the moment and I know he cares through the little things he does and says to me.

Your man refuses to get help which is where the problem stems from, you can't force anyone to get help either. I haven't had to talk my vet into any therapy he does it all himself. I don't talk to him about what his therapist says, that's not something he is comfortable talking about and I have never asked him. It might seem strange to some people but basically when it comes to him and his PTSD I let him manage everything himself, I don't ask questions, I don't probe and I don't try and give him solutions ... he needs to figure out heeling by himself. I hope what I do bring to his life is just a bit of happiness day to day, I always send him some funny videos or tell him stories that he might find funny. I'll give him a phone call to discuss what we've just watched on TV etc. He is in fact very capable of holding his own in life aside from the cooking ... I wouldn't actually want him to cook for me put it that way. His mum does clean his flat and he's not entirely domesticated but I can live with that, he's got bigger issues to concentrate on.

It sounds to me like your guy may have quite a lot more going on than just PTSD. I can't speak for the other stuff but I do know that PTSD is not something to be mocked or laughed at, it's so severe and so many people commit suicide because of it. I think you should probably step back and just let him figure stuff out ... but then again you have said that before :-P

 

[Deleted member 38137]

Nooooo no substance abuse he is very much on the straight and narrow in that sense.

I think if you'...

Oh, he's got several things going on. Beginning with the PTSD and then you add in the fact his wife left him and took the kids away and he's not allowed to see them plus he has financial hardships. There's a whole gamut of problems. But then again, you'd think he would be happy to have someone around that has a job, makes money and can contribute to the household. Nope. He picks a fight and throws me out. Happy F'n New Year!!! Lol

Suicide is something that I worry about with him. He's attempted it but couldn't pull the trigger. That was when things were going really bad though. With us, it's just a break up because he doesn't want to be in a relationship. I'm sure he can handle this. It's his own doing anyways. At least I know he's still alive as of last night because he was logged into my Netflix account at his house and he's been watching movies. Stalking your ex through your Netflix account...who would have thought? Lol

On a positive note, he hasn't gone back on the dating site that we met on so maybe he is realizing that he's not exactly dating material at this point in time. Who knows though? He probably will before the week is out.

My break up buddy at work was pretty impressed that I haven't responded to him. He figured I would. He said that he needs to wonder where I'm at and if he's doing the right thing to make him appreciate me. I don't know what the answer is really.

So have you seen your Vet lately??? Does he seem okay since the Rehab??/

 

[Newtoptsd]

Sounds like he's had a really really rough ride!! The one thing that kept my vet alive was his son, he gets through everyday for him so I am thankful that he has him and he really is a brilliant Dad so I can only imagine the heartache your vet feels having had his kids taken away, he probably feels as though everyone would be better off if he were dead - this is definitely not the case. If he has been suicidal than he must know he needs help???

The thing is when they get triggered and the anger starts spurting the irrational takes over the rational ... he just needs that cooling off period. That behavior is something that will continue and continue to occur unless he seeks help to manage his symptoms, you need to decide if you can handle it?

Oh trust me I was the same as you for stalking to make sure he was alive, although I now understand that looking for things does not help me in the slightest - it actually drives me insane, especially if I look on dating apps (made that mistake before and it backfired on me). I don't think by the sounds of it your vet has the capacity to go out and date? Does he leave the house much?

I think you need to give it a couple of days for sure? Although if you are done with him then you won't really need to contact him again no? I always think a bit of space does the world of good sometimes, it gets my head straight and gives them time to miss you. Someone once said to me 'love you need to give me chance to miss you' .... I always think about this when I need to refrain from messaging or contacting when he breaks up with me. I haven't seen him since mid December, I think he's getting there he's been in therapy a lot so as long as he continues then it's a good thing. He also said he can't wait to go back to work which is another good sign. He's fairly private about his struggles and doesn't like to inflict his suffering on anyone else so I don't see it first hand too much. He mentioned seeing each other last night which was a nice surprise but I don't get too excited when he says that because more often than not plans fall through.

 

[Deleted member 38137]

Sounds like he's had a really really rough ride!! The one thing that kept my vet alive was his son, h...

Oh I'm sure he misses his girls, but it leaves me to question as to why he doesn't see them? I don't know nor will I ever probably. I think he may have had a major breakdown. I mean it kind of sounds like it with his manosphere bullshit and the fact that the kids are no longer in his life.

I agree the best thing to do is to not contact him. I mean his last two contacts have been about breaking up. Frankly, I don't want to hear it again. Maybe part of him thinks that I should beg him back and he's trying to open up that pathway but I feel like he needs to realize what he's done. And suffer the consequences.

I'm depressed as hell btw. Today has been worse than yesterday. Thankfully I'm busy at work a little bit so I haven't had time to think about it. But it's a natural part of the process and I know I will make it through it. All I have to do is think of the mean things he said to me and then I get pissed off and feel a little better. Lol.

I'm hoping that your Vet gets his act on straight. It's such a sad thing that you see these really great and intelligent guys that act like total train wrecks. Dealing with all of this is just so stressful that I can't imagine what they are going through. Makes me need a drink!!! Lol.

 

[Newtoptsd]

Oh I'm sure he misses his girls, but it leaves me to question as to why he doesn't see the...

There may be many reasons but one of them could be that his ex wife didn't deem him fit to be a parent if he was suicidal, she may have worried about the safety of their children. I guess you will never know unless he voluntary opens up!

The thing is my sufferer cannot and will not entertain the idea of being in a 'relationship' even though he's basically been in one. I don't mind not having the label, it is not something that bothers me. I have never asked him to be my boyfriend so to speak but he still 'breaks up' with me. On these occasions I take time out for a few days and then gradually re-introduce contact and it's as if he never broke up with me. These points when he calls it off with me are what he needs to do to manage his stress levels so I don't take it personally. I would never beg for him back because I don't feel that's what I need to do, I know he doesn't mean it and he never wants to fully cut contact with me.

If you're depressed as hell you need to be looking after no1 right now :) chin up, crack on with work and try your best not to think or worry so much. Maybe you should take up boxercise or boxing? That could be a good solution to getting all that anger out ha.

I know my vet is a lot more better off than a lot of sufferers I hear about, he's actively seeking help and knows when he needs to get a handle on his symptoms by checking himself into rehabilitation here and there. It really is a life long battle, I just hope he lets me be a part of his life long term!

 

[Deleted member 38137]

There may be many reasons but one of them could be that his ex wife didn't deem him fit to be a paren...

I think he was suicidal after she was long gone. But then again, I wasn't around to witness it.

I did text him last night and I told him that I was upset about the ex reference but I do think he's amazing and I don't want things to end. That I do really love him but I understand if he cannot handle my habits. I got no reply. Which is better than the "I wanna break up" one so we shall see.

 

[Newtoptsd]

I think he was suicidal after she was long gone. But then again, I wasn't around to witnes...

I might be barking up the entirely wrong tree here but you've essentially just given him the go ahead that his behavior towards you was acceptable and that you're the one that has 'habits'?? Can you elaborate what habits you have and what he can't handle?

I'm a bit confused! I know you said that you are co-dependent so I think you need to be really careful, you have spurts on these threads where you get very angry and it's all over and you want him to suffer the consequences and that he's verbally abusive towards you and then you're messaging him telling him you love him and thinks he's amazing?

Sorry I'm just trying to understand what you're thinking!

 

[Deleted member 38137]

I might be barking up the entirely wrong tree here but you've essentially just given him the go ahead...

My bad habits are that I'm messy. He's very anal and constantly wipes things down, organizes, etc. He ask uses cleaning to deal with anxiety I've noticed.

And don't be that alarmed. I did tell him that the ex comments were rude and that I am who I am and he learns to accept that. Much of what he says is to avoid becoming attached and subservient to me.

He's not like your vet. He will never admit there's anything wrong with him.

 

[Newtoptsd]

Ah right, well try not to apologize too much for yourself until he starts apologizing for his mishaps!

I'm not that alarmed just confused because you change your mind a fair bit as to what you want and feel. Looks like you need some time out just as much as he does to cool down and let off steam ... no judgement we all cope differently :)

 

[Deleted member 38137]

Ah right, well try not to apologize too much for yourself until he starts apologizing for his mishaps...

Probably because he's driving me nuts. Lol. Plus I am not a grudge holder. I hate conflict. But yes, I am quick to anger and quick to cool down. And I do want to be in a relationship with him when he's not acting like the Monster.

 

[Newtoptsd]

Probably because he's driving me nuts. Lol. Plus I am not a grudge holder. I hate conflict...

Haha well be prepared for him to drive you nuts for life!! The Monster is the PTSD and until he is willing to seek help it won't get any better ... if you want to stick by him until he does hopefully seek therapy then you are one heck of a woman!!

I'm glad you are better today though :)

 

[Deleted member 38137]

Haha well be prepared for him to drive you nuts for life!! The Monster is the PTSD and until he is wi...

We shall see what I'm going to do. I just have so many conflicting emotions. I love the funny and goofy guy. I hate the dick that goes psycho for no reason. But I don't want to lose him. I just want him to go to therapy and to deal with his problems.

And who knows what he's thinking right now??? I mean I did tell him that if you break up with me then you are opening yourself up to me dating other guys and he said that was fine. I hate not knowing what he's thinking. But I guess I should be used to it by now.