Relationship What Do Sufferers Do When They Shut Us Out?

[stormysea00]

I've had an on and off thing with a sufferer who keeps getting triggered and shutting me out for months at a time. Anyone know what sufferers do when they're triggered and hiding out? Is it possible he's going about his business as normal with everyone but me because I'm the one that triggered him?

 

[Sweetpea76]

You don't trigger him. He is triggered. It is all happening in his head and he has to own it. You can't be responsible for his triggers.

Some sufferers can carry on, some isolate from everybody and everything. It's pretty individual.

 

[stormysea00]

Hmmm...thanks for the response. He didn't blame me for it (as far as I know). But he only leaves after I get upset with him. He said we should give each other space but wouldn't say for how long or respond to any of my messages after that. It's torture. :( I wish I were strong enough to help him through this and be for him when he comes out of it, but the truth is, as crazy as I am about him, I'm probably the worst possible person for this situation. I've got my own issues, and I believe abandonment is one of them! :O_o::(:wtf:

 

[Fadeaway]

For myself personally, I need the space to figure out if my thinking is correct and sort out my thoughts. I need the space to regulate my emotions. I need the time to figure out if it is the relationship that is making me feel like this or is it the PTSD. So deep thinking and basically psychoanalyzing my self.

Because that requires frequent breaks so I don't drive myself mad, I alternate that with avoidece and escapism activities. That might look like reading or playing video games. Or it might be hanging out with someone that I am not as emotionally invested with.

 

[boodle]

For myself personally, I need the space to figure out if my thinking is correct and sort out my though...

This is very much what my sufferer says she does on a shut-out. Thank-you for posting @Fadeaway and putting it so clearly.

I've got my own issues, and I believe abandonment is one of them!

I suffer from abandonment issues too @stormysea00 and a shut-out makes it hard for me too. Especially when you see your sufferer appearing to carry on as normal with their friends on Facebook. @Fadeaway put it perfectly saying they hung out with friends that they didn't have the same emotional investment in. You could take that as a positive, knowing your sufferer is emotionally closer to you that's why they have to distance to deal with things.

The hardest thing to learn is to not take it personally, however that is the most important thing to understand.

What I do at these times is work on my own issues that come up. Its a perfect opportunity to do this even though it does feel rather forced upon us. When its over I can then go back to the relationship with a shiny new perspective on things. :)

 

[stormysea00]

This is very much what my sufferer says she does on a shut-out. Thank-you for posting @Fadea...

For myself personally, I need the space to figure out if my thinking is correct and sort out my though...

For myself personally, I need the space to figure out if my thinking is correct and sort out my though...

Thank you for this insight. That makes a lot of sense and from things that he's said to me in the past, I think that's exactly what he does.

For myself personally, I need the space to figure out if my thinking is correct and sort out my though...

Thank you for the insight. This is exactly what I think he does, from things that he's told me. Although I don't think I have PTSD, I can relate. I'm highly sensitive and had a traumatic upbringing. When I get triggered I also do what you described, but I don't remember shutting anyone out for more than a day.

 

[stormysea00]

This is very much what my sufferer says she does on a shut-out. Thank-you for posting @Fadea...

Thanks Boodle. I agree that I need to not take it personally and that it is so hard not to!!!:p Do you and your sufferer see a therapist? And have you come up with any ground rules for when these things happen?

 

[boodle]

Thanks Boodle. I agree that I need to not take it personally and that it is so...

@stormysea00 I see a therapist, currently my partner does not. There's a few interesting posts about me attempting to broach the subject of therapy with my partner and some good advice on how to do it. They are towards the end of this thread, : Criticism
I hope they help. As for ground rules, it looks like we will be discussing them next week after our current shut-out!

 

[stormysea00]

@stormysea00 I see a therapist, currently my partner does not. There's a few interest...

Great threads! I found them very helpful. It's encouraging to hear from someone who has had longterm relationship success (10 years) in spite of their PTSD! I look forward to hearing about how the ground rules talk goes.

 

[boodle]

Great threads! I found them very helpful. It's encouraging to hear from someone who has had longt...

There's some great stuff on here, very encouraging, informative and supportive. I will keep you informed on how it goes.

 

[tiffsja]

This is very much what my sufferer says she does on a shut-out. Thank-you for posting @Fadea...

This is the hardest part for me he says he can't be with me because his head is so messed up but then he's all over Facebook having a great time with friends.

I've had an on and off thing with a sufferer who keeps getting triggered and shutting me out for mo...

I am with you 100% He leaves me because his mind is messed up but carries on with everyone like nothing is wrong. ALL OVER SOCIAL MEDIA. It's so painful.

 

[Sunshineturtle]

I've had an on and off thing with a sufferer who keeps getting triggered and shutting me out for mo...

Stormysea.. it depends on the "survivor, sufferer" in terms of what they do.. Some, put on that fake smile, go to work, and through the motions, then get home andvbreak down and stay in bed until it's time for the next day. Some use the time to get exta support from therapists, support groups of other survivors, etc, while some just lay in bed depressed... if you are in a serious or very close relationship with this lerson, and they are in a good spot, or when they are, ask them. Just ask them.More importantly, ask them if there is anything that you can do to help them through those times; if you can ve their support in any way. If you truly believe you are a trigger (i really doubt it-unless you have noticed something you do and then a pattern of the person not contacting you etc, then STOP IT..) and again, ask and apologize if you had continued to do it even though you had noticed the pattern. FYI, it is unlikely that you are the trigger.
The best thing to do is to have a conversation if you are ready to be there for the person. If yoy are not, because it is not an easy task to undertake, then have that conversation and be honest. They have survived before, andvthey deserve honesty.