Feeling Safe: Learning It

[Little_Big]

A huge part of my complex PTSD is around not feeling safe. Not feeling safe in my body, not yet knowing how to fully BE in my body, how to know that there is something secure and solid for me from which I can deal with the rest of life. That lack of foundation and even the visceral knowledge of what feeling safe inside feels like... Have others here got there, had experience of this thing, that looks like it feels so natural for other people?

 

[One step at a time]

Yes. It is possible, even if it is hard.

For me, other things had to come first. I had to (1) recognize that I was in a lot of pain (2) remember why I was feeling so much pain (3) learn to recognize flashbacks as they were happening, and become capable of reminding myself that while they are real, they are not now - they have already happened, and this is a memory.

It was only then that I became capable of trying things like grounding exercises and meditation. Grounding in my body and in the present moment helps me feel safe because it makes me aware of the difference between the danger in the past and my life in the present.

Side note: For me, the first two steps were also the start of another path, where I had to (3) learn that neither the pain nor the experiences that caused it define me (4) recover my sense of self (5)recover my ability to feel things.

 

[The Albatross]

Yes it's possible and can be managed mostly (not 100% but much improved). Not familiar with your personal situation at the moment Little_Big, but your present circumstances have a good amount to do with it. Grounding techniques help, breath work helps, mindfulness helps, orienting and reorienting help, learning to recognize and developing skill sets or tools to manage that work for you reasonably reliably help. Fundamental for me to make progress was setting into place ways to be "willing" to be what I call "uncomfortable for a finite time" and then stretching by self evaluation and measuring my distress/stress level by goal/challenge to get enough moxie to be able to set about or endure difficult and uncomfortable people/places/situations.

Good topic, looking forward to others shares here.

 

[Tinyflame]

One small contributing factor might be warmth.

 

[J'qel]

How do you convince yourself it's (the trauma) not going to happen again?

 

[The Albatross]

I don't need to, frankly. I am not the same person and I don't make the same choices and I have a different filter for experiences. I'm no longer drawn to the familiar so much as I am my own person. Is there an assurance? Nope. Is it a risk? Yup. Does that matter? Nope not unless it happens and then I expect I'll be playin' it where it landed/lays.

Defensive living is one hell of a small box to live in and I got one life and I'm gonna take the risk. You're choice though is up to you.

P.S. In recovery... some of my traumas did happen again and ya know what? I responded better, rebounded more quickly and got my bearings a whole hell of a lot faster. But that is my own experience and maybe not everyone elses.

 

[Sophie's Daddy]

Yes, I very much have issues around my own safety. Before training my service dog to function as a combination grounding point for me to maintain my anxieties-or do my best to work through them and recover- I was lost much of the time.

Though super safe and sweet to me, her unquestionable love helps during my impromptu recoveries. As a breed often used for police and military work, she's a natural visual deterrent. As an amputee, I greatly appreciate her covering my back, literally.

I realize I refer a lot to my dog, but after a years-long separation then divorce in July, I've drawn on her so many times for strength and her ability to help me feel grounded I've long since lost count.

The best part about it is in her ability to make me smile on the infrequent occasions when I'm among others, always strangers since we travel so much. Though I can carry on a conversation with someone (sometimes!), the person has no idea I have issues with safety. It helps me blend in with others-read "hide from" - who really do seem to interact so freely with others.

Makes me wonder how many people out there are feeling the same way, and acting their way through it, too. ☺

 

[Sophie's Daddy]

I don't need to, frankly. I am not the same person and I don't make the same choices and I have a...

Good for you-an inspiration for me to work toward!

 

[The Albatross]

It can happen but it takes patience, persistence, practice, and perseverance (optional "prayer" would be my 5th "P" but I got a good number more now... it is the start.

 

[Friday]

Have others here got there, had experience of this thing, that looks like it feels so natural for other people?

Have I felt safe? Sure. But for me that's all it is. A feeling. Not a reality. Which means it comes and goes. Life isn't safe. No one gets out alive.

 

[One step at a time]

After reading Friday's response, I am thinking about what I mean when I say "feeling safe," especially in my earlier post.
My response was about unlearning the constant, subconscious belief that I am in danger from a particular past situation, which is actually over. This is different from trying to learn the belief that I am safe from all danger - I don't think that would be healthy or realistic.

 

[J'qel]

It must be very nice. My congratulations to you in that you can feel safe. It doesn't give me an answer, but grats to you.