I've gotten to the point that I don't even want to write in this forum because I feel nothing I can say means anything. It began a month ago when my therapist told me she doesn't have the time to read all my emails(I have this thing about using the phone...I can't so emails were my way to vent). I was crushed and haven't sent anything to her since. So yesterdays session I brought in some bullet points to go over for the first time. For some reason I began on the bottom of the list and told her about how I felt invalidated when she couldn't read my emails. She began saying something about boundaries and I lost my shit and yelled at her. For the next 30 minutes I dissociated. She snapped me out of it and continued saying the boundary was that I couldn't email her when I was suicidal. I snapped at her again about why she would make a boundary that I felt was common sense and we had already covered my contingency plan if I felt suicidal. Now I have 20 minutes left and I tell her I feel It usually takes the first 30 minutes to open up and I'm left with 20 minutes a week. She said we shouldn't waste that 20 minutes than. I told her 20 minutes IS a waste of time and I need more. So she reminded me only suicidal clients can see her twice a week. This is were I gave up. I'm homeless and have been suicidal for three weeks now and she can't see I'm f*cking screaming for help. I just don't know what the f*ck to do anymore!?
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Need Help Staying In Therapy!
- Post starter Jordash
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Lionheart
Not Active
Oh Noooo! If you are suicidal please seek help from the crisis hotlines or check yourself into the hospital for a "mini-vacation".
I had to do this several times and spent a couple weeks on suicide watch. I am happy that I am still alive but it was very difficult at first, doing therapy and all.............and I am afraid it gets worse before it gets better. But it does get better. Maybe you'd be better off with a new therapist.
If you need to chat you can private message me or simply reply to my profile page, or I will meet you in the chatroom.....whichever way works best for you, just please do not harm yourself.
There are people who care and want you to feel the joy of healing.
Don't give up, you can do this!!!
Best wishes,
Lionheart
I had to do this several times and spent a couple weeks on suicide watch. I am happy that I am still alive but it was very difficult at first, doing therapy and all.............and I am afraid it gets worse before it gets better. But it does get better. Maybe you'd be better off with a new therapist.
If you need to chat you can private message me or simply reply to my profile page, or I will meet you in the chatroom.....whichever way works best for you, just please do not harm yourself.
There are people who care and want you to feel the joy of healing.
Don't give up, you can do this!!!
Best wishes,
Lionheart
Have you considered admitting yourself? If you feel like you need something more in depth, you can't get more in depth than 24/7. Having the support structure there if you need it can be a release and it will allow you to have more than your twenty minutes, and if you are still having suicidal episodes it may be best.
I have never admitted myself or been admitted, so I can't say much about it. I know that there are those who hate it, but for the few I have known who were admitted it's hard to say if it was their illness that hated it or the fact that they were ill that they hated.
I'd suggest trying it, on the auspice your regulations concerning self admittance are the same as where I live: if you self admit you can walk away whenever you like, so long as you're not harmful to anyone else.
I wish I could offer better advice.
I have never admitted myself or been admitted, so I can't say much about it. I know that there are those who hate it, but for the few I have known who were admitted it's hard to say if it was their illness that hated it or the fact that they were ill that they hated.
I'd suggest trying it, on the auspice your regulations concerning self admittance are the same as where I live: if you self admit you can walk away whenever you like, so long as you're not harmful to anyone else.
I wish I could offer better advice.
- Post starter
- #5
I can't use the phone.
I'm against any synthetic medication so I won't let myself go 5150. Three weeks ago I dissociated and came to in the ER getting my blood taken. No one explained why I was there until I spoke to the crisis worker after 6 hours. After they took blood a nurse walked up to me and yelled at me for not giving a urine sample and threatened to put in a catheter. I spent the next three hours looking for weapons to plot and kill him.
This is always in the back of my mind, but I feel I'm too attached to her.
digger
Sponsor
Are there any online crisis chat services you can access?
It sounds like your T is going to be quite firm on that boundary. I understand it isn't what you want to hear from her, but is absolutely her right to put those boundaries in place if she feels they are necessary.
Can you share with us what the contingency plan is that you have agreed with her for what you will do if you do feel suicidal?
- Post starter
- #7
I'm sorry, but your saying made me laugh, what a perfect way to describe how it feels.
Friday
Sponsor
Pretty much every therapist I've ever had has switched me to 120minute -or longer- sessions very early on. Including for things like marriage & family therapy, & ADHD & substance abuse, much less hard stuff like trauma. It's just the way my mind works, or maybe a better way to say it, how to best work with my mind.
That this therapist only does hour sessions, period, and only sees clients twice a week who are suicidal? Has nothing to do with you. That's how she wants to organize her work. The schedule that works best for her, doesn't mean that it's what works best for you, or me, or a whole host of others.
<chuckling> Might give you a bit of a laugh, I had a therapist who was working with me on just being able to "start" at "go" instead of the slow to warm up stuff we'd been doing / the best I was capable of at the time. It did work. Took a few months. At which point? Instead of being able to decrease sessions from 120-60? We doubled, again. Shifted from 2 hour to 4 hours. :hilarious: She was utterly fantastic. We laughed over that a whole helluva lot. Because the intent was to shorten sessions, but what we got? "Well NOW we're cooking with gas!"
It's OKAY to need & want something different than what you have. Really. Maybe consider this person something of a stop gap while you look for someone you can really work with?
That this therapist only does hour sessions, period, and only sees clients twice a week who are suicidal? Has nothing to do with you. That's how she wants to organize her work. The schedule that works best for her, doesn't mean that it's what works best for you, or me, or a whole host of others.
<chuckling> Might give you a bit of a laugh, I had a therapist who was working with me on just being able to "start" at "go" instead of the slow to warm up stuff we'd been doing / the best I was capable of at the time. It did work. Took a few months. At which point? Instead of being able to decrease sessions from 120-60? We doubled, again. Shifted from 2 hour to 4 hours. :hilarious: She was utterly fantastic. We laughed over that a whole helluva lot. Because the intent was to shorten sessions, but what we got? "Well NOW we're cooking with gas!"
It's OKAY to need & want something different than what you have. Really. Maybe consider this person something of a stop gap while you look for someone you can really work with?
I agree with @Friday . Hour sessions I cant allow myself to really open up during. I also start closing myself off if there's going to be days between our sessions. It's like trying to leave the hospital in the middle of surgery with an open wound and go back and try and work your job or be a parent or get groceries etc... people just don't understand, because our wounds are INVISIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!
- Admin
- #11
anthony
Founder
If you're suicidal, your therapist is not the person you should be calling... either a suicide hotline or emergency department for psychological intervention.
I understand both sides of the equation, you have needs, a therapist has needs. Both must be met and therapeutic boundaries exist for such reasons. Trust me when I say, many clients of a therapist want to integrate themselves more into the therapists life. This is dangerous on so many levels, for all concerned. A therapist must separate their clients from their life and family, and boundaries are how this is done.
I agree that an hour therapy for trauma clients is useless. 90 to 120 minutes should be the standard, once a week, for traumatised clients. I mean traumatised, as in what is being explained here, and not those who feel they're traumatised by the neighbours actions, their partner cheating, or other lesser meaning people apply and use traumatised nowadays.
Maybe the easier way is... 90 - 120 minute standard sessions for anyone who has experienced catastrophic traumatic events.
I understand both sides of the equation, you have needs, a therapist has needs. Both must be met and therapeutic boundaries exist for such reasons. Trust me when I say, many clients of a therapist want to integrate themselves more into the therapists life. This is dangerous on so many levels, for all concerned. A therapist must separate their clients from their life and family, and boundaries are how this is done.
I agree that an hour therapy for trauma clients is useless. 90 to 120 minutes should be the standard, once a week, for traumatised clients. I mean traumatised, as in what is being explained here, and not those who feel they're traumatised by the neighbours actions, their partner cheating, or other lesser meaning people apply and use traumatised nowadays.
Maybe the easier way is... 90 - 120 minute standard sessions for anyone who has experienced catastrophic traumatic events.
- Post starter
- #12
Update
At the end of my session she tells me to email her how I want next session be. So I sat down for four hours today and typed away. I sent it and later on I noticed I had an email. My email was blocked and I'm not sure what to think at this point. This is why I don't get close to people. Every time with out fail. I'm so devastated I feel numb.
At the end of my session she tells me to email her how I want next session be. So I sat down for four hours today and typed away. I sent it and later on I noticed I had an email. My email was blocked and I'm not sure what to think at this point. This is why I don't get close to people. Every time with out fail. I'm so devastated I feel numb.
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