Is It Hard For You To Cry?

[Jana Hope]

So my family would always react pretty strongly to me crying when I was a kid. My sister cried all the time but I tended to be tough about small things. But when I cried, it was my dad going to jail, or a violent occurence in the home. Later, my abusive ex said my tears were a game...something I used to get what I wanted. Continually discounted my feelings if I cried.

Now, as I am healing. In therapy and trying to process, I can barely shed a tear. They are there, the intense feeling, the tightness in my chest, the tension in my forehead. I know I need it but I can't. I just freeze before I can release.

Is this something others tend to experience? And, how do you get past this to get that release and allow yourself to feel things fully?

 

[GwenDR]

It's always been exceptionally hard for me to cry. There had been so many times needed to, but just couldn't. A medication change last year actually made it much easier for me to cry when I need to, though, but it's not one that's for everyone. Now I sometimes cry several times a week. Still have a lot of times where I feel simultaneously in extreme emotional pain, and emotionally numb, but it's not nearly as bad as it used to be.

 

[ladee]

I was shamed any time I cried as a child. Made fun of,humiliated.
So yes I find it very hard to cry. And when I do..I want to be alone.
I went thru a couple of really hard years and seemed to be crying all the time.
Wish I could tell you what unlocked that dam. But do not know.
There are times now I wish I could cry out my pain instead of storing it in my body.
I know this didn't help other than to let you know you are not alone.

 

[Muted]

Is this something others tend to experience? And, how do you get past this to get that release and allow yourself to feel things fully?

I experience this. Sometimes I will feel the intense emotion and start to cry and then it goes away like I feel kind of numb like the emotion is just gone.

I think to be able to get past that it has to feel safe enough to experience the emotion. I've most always resisted being comforted from my S/O when I'm fully experiencing this feeling it's kind of weird, it's like I want to be alone.

 

[gealach]

When I was circling the drain, before I crashed, I would cry all the time. It was a literal, uncontrollable, cry for help. Since I crashed, I can't cry at all unless I'm alone, and even then it's difficult and short.

I think to be able to get past that it has to feel safe enough to experience the emotion.

. I think this is likely quite true, and at the heart of the issue.

 

[Toriplays]

So my family would always react pretty strongly to me crying when I was a kid. My sister cried all th...

Oh my, I have such a hard time with feelings of vulnerability. Crying makes me feel exposed and weak. I know this is not true. It takes strength to cry. Yet, I'm blocked in that department. My eyes will water when I watch a sad movie but that's the extent of it. I think I've been conditioned to keep all my feelings tightly wrapped. Yet, oh wow..I feel everything. When I read your comment it was so comforting to know this is a common experience for our tribe.

 

[The Albatross]

Yup... hard for me to cry. I've had many tell me what a "release" it is... but in my mind, and experience of which I've had ample... it doesn't change anything so far as the situation goes and I'm rather rigid about it so only very rarely do I do it. Ever. I guess on a rather fundamental level I don't seek "release" of emotion... I seek CHANGE of circumstances, situations so my preferred motus operandi (spelling) is problem solving and rational/wise/adult mind.

I'm good with that.

I was severely abused for showing vulnerability and weakness to others, but the messaging was screwed up because if I did that to my abusers (father and 1st husband)... well you can imagine how that went over. I expect that it is not at this point something I'll be able to overcome, and this far in (nearly 57) I'm okay about it.

 

[Jana Hope]

I'm not going to lie, the fact that so many of you guys out there are experiencing the same roadblock is a kind of comfort in solidarity. I cry for only short times,if at all, and it's always alone. I start policing myself that I am being silly for crying or worry about someone walking in the room and shut it off. Then I feel bottled. I just want to be able to cry again. I remember being a teen and really embracing the release of a good cry. Now, I don't know how to let my guard down with even myself to allow it.

Thank you for your responses everyone.

 

[Freedomfighter]

Well, not sure how helpful crying is, have cried in the past, but other than two red eyes it really did not help with the trauma anyways. Secondly, there are bastards out there, being stalked by past coworkers, past security guards, and cops (yes, you see that right, by cops) that are trying to hurt me to the point of crying. Whatever, I concentrate on bettering myself.....

 

[Rumors]

It's always been too shameful for me to cry too much. I let it slip on occasion but usually I am alone OR I make myself alone! I don't cry in therapy though. I just feel like I don't want to add that to an already crappy scenario for my therapist.

 

[GwenDR]

Though there's no one right amount to cry, it's not helpful for everyone or not everytime.i There's no shame in crying, but there's also no shame in not crying.

 

[ladee]

As I have gotten older..I carry a lot of stress and anxiety in my body. Probably always did..but with arthritis..a good releasing cry seems to be so cleansing to my body.

Still have trouble letting go tho. I tend to cry more easily if I am feeling very vulnerable...but always alone. I have never let anyone hold me when I cry.
I fear I would implode from not knowing how that is supposed to feel.