Sex As A Coping Tool?

[Zecelal]

Ty @Ujik

I'm sry to hear about the attitudes that these men are showing. You should be able to get help without "that" kind of BS dwelling in the background. I hope that things go well for you in the future.
Be well.

 

[Enah]

I agree 100%, no, 1000% with Wudi.

A woman who wants sex will almost always be able to obtain sex. It doesn't mean she'll like or be attracted to her sex partner, but there will almost always be a man who will be willing to have sex with her.

This is absolutely NEVER the case for men, except perhaps the top .05% of men in attractiveness and personality.

None of this has one whit to do with consent. Consent is completely implied here. Although I am sure, considering everyone's issues on this forum, it would be easy to assume the opposite.

 

[Dekup]

It doesn't mean she'll like or be attracted to her sex partner, but there will almost always be a man who will be willing to have sex with her.

Then...why would she be having sex with that man?

I truly don't see how this is any different for men. A man could find a woman he didn't like or have attraction towards, and probably have sex with her...

Or we could all hire really good sex workers.

What is the purpose in bringing up this subject to begin with? @wudi - you sound angry with the OP - "misleading title is bullshit", and "women forget that men CAN-FVUCKING-NOT have sex.."

Why are you angry? Or, where is your anger meant to be directed, really? The OP? Other women? The world?

Honest question.

 

[Ufihe]

I agree 100%, no, 1000% with Wudi.

A woman who wants sex will almost always be able to obtain sex. It doesn't mean she'l...

Ty @Enah for you supportive words. I knew I wasn't the only one.

Be well.

 

[Vupuzo]

Not that I am aware of. But after processing through much of the trauma around sex, I have to feel respected in the exchange or I can't participate. Just ended a long-term romance because once the conquest was "won", my partner reverted to asexual and it wasn't working for me. I must own my sexuality or become a victim all over again.

 

[Higajek]

Then...why would she be having sex with that man?

I truly don't see how this is any different for men. A man could fin...

@Dekup

You may be surprised how many men do NOT want to be with a sex worker. I personally have no interest in sex with a total stranger. I desire intimacy, affection not just "Wham-bam ty ma'am"

Anger: I was angry at the topic and how it was being portrayed not at the OP, other posters or the world.

 

[Ize]

I desire intimacy, affection not just "Wham-bam ty ma'am"

That would be "Using intimacy as a coping mechanism", then. Not sex as a coping mechanism. Completely different thing.

 

[Wazi]

I personally have no interest in sex with a total stranger. I desire intimacy, affection not just "Wham-bam ty ma'am"

Ah, thank you - I agree with Ize (post above mine) - I as a woman do not get warmth, intimacy, or affection from a quick pick-up. I get the opposite. Sex. Which is usually what I'm after.

Oddly - and this may be a gendered thing - I get more warmth and intimacy from a sex worker. They are completely tuned into giving me the experience I'm looking for. Whereas, a guy I pick up for sex is generally also looking for...sex.

I wish I could get warmth and intimacy when I wanted it. I absolutely cannot, unless I pay for it.

I'm going to guess that is true for other women.

 

[Hipisa]

Wazi again, with a PS:

It's surprisingly hurtful to read that, according to a man, I can have sex (meaning warmth and intimacy) whenever I want. I've actually never been in that position. I'm not pretty, and my body isn't attractive. Also, now, I'm old. I'm just speaking objectively. I'm only going to get warmth and intimacy from a relationship, and those take time to develop...so, not a coping tool the same way sex is.

I dunno, is this communicating at all, men on this thread?

 

[Enah]

First, I'm very surprised at the number of women in this thread (two? Maybe more?) who have used sex workers. Where I live it is very illegal, but more than that - a man can probably kiss his hopes for a relationship goodbye if the woman he wants to have a relationship with finds out that he has ever used a sex worker. That's another double standard men have to worry about that women don't.

Second, I stand by what I said when I said that women could have *sex* whenever they wanted. I am not referring to a feeling of closeness or intimacy, since it wasn't clear that's what the person I was replying to meant. I can't imagine it's any more difficult for a woman to find a serious relationship than for a man.

 

[Jujuzu]

I'm probably getting posters mixed up.

So for the heterosexual men in the thread: is there some consensus that warmth and intimacy is hard for anyone, and penis in vagina without warmth or intimacy is achievable for either sex?

I think whether or not a woman has a problem w/a man going to a sex worker very much depends on the woman. It's not a gender-universal thing, to be anti-sex worker.

 

[Enah]

No, getting warmth and intimacy is difficult to achieve for either men or women, and getting sex is only difficult to achieve for men. Sex is easy to achieve for women if the woman doesn't care about whether she likes her sex partner or not.

In my own experience, women will reject a man who has used a sex worker, full stop. I have never had a relationship with a woman who wouldn't have broken up with me over it. Maybe it's a generational or a geographical thing, but I'm 100% sure that is the default standard for women in my age group and location.