LuckiLee
VIP Member
I feel the question you have to answer is "why you want to be with someone who pushes you away one month in?"
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Relationship Best guy i ever met-shut me out
- Post starter Serendipity424
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Mariposa Verde
New Here
@Serendipity424
Everybody is different so everybody experience is different. Based on my experience, I think that if those feelings he expressed are true he will most likely reach out again when he is ready. Please understand that it might take days, weeks, or months for him to be ready. There is not a timeline for that. The best thing you can do is to be patient and not overwhelm him with calls and texts. The less you reach out, the most likely he will come back (again, based on my experience). Maybe you can send him one quick text a week saying something like: Just wanted to say hi, I hope you're well. He might respond but he probably will not BUT he will read it and he will know you're there and will come back when he is ready.
I was shut out three times before. First time was 3 days. Second time was a a little over a week. Third time was 2 weeks. Currently, I am in the 4th shut out and it has lasted for 3 months. During the first two months he only replied to two of my texts and told me he will reach out when he is ready. I sent one text every week or every other week just to say hi and telling something fun I did. For example, I once told him I reached a new PR at the gym. I tried to keep the msg brief and fun. Then last week I sent him a msg and he sent me the longest reply he has ever sent. He said thank you for being there and for sending him the texts and told me he didn't mind one quick/brief text a day and will reach out for sure when he is ready. He also told me he is going on a retreat to help heal PTSD with an organization called The warrior connection. I googled it and it seems a wonderful organization so I hope it helps him.
Now, I am tealling you all of this because since he shut me out this time I have had a very hard time. So I kept researching and reading posts in this forum trying to find something to give me hope and answers to all my questions. All the research and reading has been very helpful but every situation is different so really nobody can tell you or me what will happen. You know your guy so you probably have a gut feeling of what will work with him:zero communication OR one text here and there. You can use your intuition and do your best and hopefully soon he will be in contact or he will contact you briefly and will let you know what works for him. Just be patient. If he is worth it, you know it deep inside you. I am not in a relationship with "my friend" but we were/are very invested in each other and deep inside me I know he is worth it. This might change in the future but for now I am just doing my best to be understanding and patient and very important: I have continued to live my life just like normal. Yes it affects me emotionally and some days I am sad about it but I try to shake it off and continue my life. He will come back faster knowing that you're okay without him. I promise this. Much love to you!
Everybody is different so everybody experience is different. Based on my experience, I think that if those feelings he expressed are true he will most likely reach out again when he is ready. Please understand that it might take days, weeks, or months for him to be ready. There is not a timeline for that. The best thing you can do is to be patient and not overwhelm him with calls and texts. The less you reach out, the most likely he will come back (again, based on my experience). Maybe you can send him one quick text a week saying something like: Just wanted to say hi, I hope you're well. He might respond but he probably will not BUT he will read it and he will know you're there and will come back when he is ready.
I was shut out three times before. First time was 3 days. Second time was a a little over a week. Third time was 2 weeks. Currently, I am in the 4th shut out and it has lasted for 3 months. During the first two months he only replied to two of my texts and told me he will reach out when he is ready. I sent one text every week or every other week just to say hi and telling something fun I did. For example, I once told him I reached a new PR at the gym. I tried to keep the msg brief and fun. Then last week I sent him a msg and he sent me the longest reply he has ever sent. He said thank you for being there and for sending him the texts and told me he didn't mind one quick/brief text a day and will reach out for sure when he is ready. He also told me he is going on a retreat to help heal PTSD with an organization called The warrior connection. I googled it and it seems a wonderful organization so I hope it helps him.
Now, I am tealling you all of this because since he shut me out this time I have had a very hard time. So I kept researching and reading posts in this forum trying to find something to give me hope and answers to all my questions. All the research and reading has been very helpful but every situation is different so really nobody can tell you or me what will happen. You know your guy so you probably have a gut feeling of what will work with him:zero communication OR one text here and there. You can use your intuition and do your best and hopefully soon he will be in contact or he will contact you briefly and will let you know what works for him. Just be patient. If he is worth it, you know it deep inside you. I am not in a relationship with "my friend" but we were/are very invested in each other and deep inside me I know he is worth it. This might change in the future but for now I am just doing my best to be understanding and patient and very important: I have continued to live my life just like normal. Yes it affects me emotionally and some days I am sad about it but I try to shake it off and continue my life. He will come back faster knowing that you're okay without him. I promise this. Much love to you!
- Post starter
- #15
Serendipity424
Bronze Member
Reading what you are go through made me feel a little better, I might have overwhelmed him with texts the first night not knowing anything about PTSD. I know now to step back and give it time. I just hope I didn't push him to far away letting him know how much I was worried about him. That is what I am worried about. He has been married before and said no one has made him feel so good about himself, not any relationship he has been in. The entire time was happy and no drama at all. I could tell that morning things didn't seem right but we still had a normal conversation until the evening when she didn't respond or answer my call so something happened in between that 4 hours. I just hope he comes back soon. He is so beautiful. Your support and advice means so much to me xo
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- Post starter
- #16
Serendipity424
Bronze Member
I hope the retreat your friend is looking into helps him. Can you keep me updated on how that works out for him? I would really like to know.
Mariposa Verde
New Here
@Serendipity424
Of course! I will let you know when I find out. He is going in the middle of June. In the meantime, if you like, you can look up warriorconnection org so you can see the wonderful work they do. They have a facebook page as well.
Don't worry about all the texts you sent. I also did that when I had no idea what was happening. But after I stepped back, gave him space and time he came back. This time right before he shut me out we were planning to go on a trip together. Just like you, a few days before I sensed something was not right but he kept trying to act normal. He was going through a lot of stress at work and with his family and of course the stress became too much for him to handle. He tried to make it to our trip but he couldn't. His anxiety and everything took over him. In his case, he has to feel secured and in control of his life in order to be back in contact with me. And Just like your guy, he also mentioned how much he hates drama because it is very difficult for him to deal with it.
So, I have learned the hard way that, being in a relationship, or in my case in a "non-relationship relationship," with someone with PTSD is totally different than any other relationship I have ever been before. It is a learning process for sure. Take care and keep us posted about your situation. Do not hesitate to reach out when you need to talk/vent.
Of course! I will let you know when I find out. He is going in the middle of June. In the meantime, if you like, you can look up warriorconnection org so you can see the wonderful work they do. They have a facebook page as well.
Don't worry about all the texts you sent. I also did that when I had no idea what was happening. But after I stepped back, gave him space and time he came back. This time right before he shut me out we were planning to go on a trip together. Just like you, a few days before I sensed something was not right but he kept trying to act normal. He was going through a lot of stress at work and with his family and of course the stress became too much for him to handle. He tried to make it to our trip but he couldn't. His anxiety and everything took over him. In his case, he has to feel secured and in control of his life in order to be back in contact with me. And Just like your guy, he also mentioned how much he hates drama because it is very difficult for him to deal with it.
So, I have learned the hard way that, being in a relationship, or in my case in a "non-relationship relationship," with someone with PTSD is totally different than any other relationship I have ever been before. It is a learning process for sure. Take care and keep us posted about your situation. Do not hesitate to reach out when you need to talk/vent.
Mariposa Verde
New Here
@Serendipity424
And by the way, I understand your almost instant connection. It basically happened the same between us back in 2015 :-)
And by the way, I understand your almost instant connection. It basically happened the same between us back in 2015 :-)
- Post starter
- #19
Serendipity424
Bronze Member
Why would I want to give up on home when he is all alone? If time is what he needs to clear his head then I will wait. When he is ready to talk again I will be here. At least he will know someone will be there and they will not give up on him. No matter how hard it is.
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LuckiLee
VIP Member
Ok. I'm going to be blunt here.
You ask for advice about your situation but instead of taking the advice from people in long term relationships and an actual combat veteran you accept the advice from someone in her fourth shut out who's in a "non relationship, relationship". This makes no sense to me.
He is alone because he wants to be alone. IMO
Good luck and I pray for you both.
You ask for advice about your situation but instead of taking the advice from people in long term relationships and an actual combat veteran you accept the advice from someone in her fourth shut out who's in a "non relationship, relationship". This makes no sense to me.
He is alone because he wants to be alone. IMO
Good luck and I pray for you both.
- Post starter
- #21
Serendipity424
Bronze Member
Does he really want to be alone or is that what he thinks is his only way out??
- Post starter
- #22
Serendipity424
Bronze Member
I never said I wasn't taking the advice of anyone else, I really want to hear everyone's advice, I have never been involved or knew anyone who has to go through this, I just don't want to give up on him. It seems that is the easy way out??
- Post starter
- #23
Serendipity424
Bronze Member
@leehalf I really do appreciate the invoice. I just didn't want walking away to be the answer. I really want to be there.
- Post starter
- #24
Serendipity424
Bronze Member
@leehalf messaging on my phone and swipe keeps changing my words. Honestly, I welcome all advice and I would love to hear any other advice you have to help me. Do you really believe just letting him go is the answer? What if he needed to know I was there, I know he is alone. He is alone and has no one, I do not even know if he is ok. Everyday I wake up hoping he called or sends a text to let me know he is ok. I know none of this is easy and nothing about it is fair but in my heart I feel he needs to know someone will be there when he doesn't want to be alone, does that make sense?
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