Relationship Best guy i ever met-shut me out

[lostforgottensoul]

Love has never conquered all, outside of fairytales. Life is not a fairytale*.

Couldn't had said that better myself! I was like "wait, love doesn't conquer all!" Actually, love doesn't mean much in even my family.

 

[grimalkin]

The one thing I've learned in my journey loving someone with PTSD is that love is not enough.

 

[Serendipity424]

Couldn't had said that better myself! I was like "wait, love doesn't conquer all!" Actually...

I am sorry, I wish I knew what to say to make it better, I always wish I knew the right things to say. I miss him. I am doing me, but I still miss him. I piece of my heart is missing.......

 

[DharmaGirl]

I just thought of something. I've been thinking of you quite a bit @Serendipity424, because I had a guy that did that to me when I was 21-24 years of age. I lived my life dreaming of how it would be when he came back, and that if I truly were a good person, he would come back. I met him and eventually told him something that I hated myself for, and he didn't hate me, and I thought that it was love. I was madly in love. He was, and is, a charmer, but I basically lost those years waiting for him, living in a dream world. He would come back, then leave with no notice, on and on. I finally broke it off, and he was astounded. The point is, if he didn't have PTSD, would you wait for him, or just assume he was an ass and ditched you. I am speaking from my point of view from the experience that had I more self worth, and not just out of a trauma, I wouldn't have thought he was that wonderful, and would have just figured he ditched me and was too afraid to be upfront about it.

Many abusive people are very charming, and tell you wonderful things and tell you they are in love long before it should come up. I have been working on myself quite a bit for the past 6 years, and now I see what kind of guy he really was. I would assume no matter what people say, that if they leave and don't give a reason, don't return calls, or texts, or email, that they don't want to talk to me and work on moving on to someone who is more honest and caring about me. It's not what a person says, it's how they act.

I'm so sorry you are going through this, and I want to spare you the pain I went through, which is probably the motivation behind most of these posts. I know you have to find it out for yourself, but hopefully you will meet someone who is willing to communicate.

 

[Serendipity424]

Phil Collins-You'll Be In My Heart-I heard this song playing in my daughters room a few moments ago, she is 16, how ironic- I said what song is that and who is singing it and she says I don't know mom. She looked on her phone and said who it was......well I listened and this song is someone telling someone else they love them and always will, but, they know that they can't always be there, even though they want to be. Somewhere along the road they can't be there and this person has to keep going and fighting and keep this love in their memory to help them on. Kinda fit the moment.......

 

[Sighs]

Sigh! Shout out to my girls @Friday and @Sweetpea76 - if only love was enough! Love ya both!

I know I said I was out of this one but I have just one more hard question to ask - do you have ANY scrap of evidence from a source other than this man that he:
a) is in fact a veteran; and
b) has been diagnosed by a professional with PTSD?

When a "relationship" is so arms length its just too easy for people to pretend to be something they are not.

 

[Abigail7]

I don't think you can love someone in such a short amount of time. Love isn't this....this is lust, infatuation, whatever you want to call it. Love is so much deeper. Love only comes over time, it builds up and grows with a relationship. I really wish that more people understood love.... Cause heck, I can go out and find this kind of infatuation in a heartbeat. (I've had it so many times I don't even remember all those guys, seriously.) But love? That's a lot harder to find, and it's not all rainbows and butterflies.

 

[Serendipity424]

Sigh! Shout out to my girls @Friday and @Sweetpea76 - if only love...

@Sighs YES, there is proof. He is a disabled Vet and there is proof for sure.

 

[Serendipity424]

I don't think you can love someone in such a short amount of time. Love isn't this....this is lust, infatuation, what...

I never said I love this man, I do care very very much and things were very deep... I feel I could have eventually fell for him in every way.

 

[Serendipity424]

I never said I love this man, I do care very very much and things were very deep... I feel I cou...

I really felt strongly for him, this was not infatuation. This was a little deeper than that. I cannot explain it just was. I agree love takes time, but when you feel something special that doesn't come along everyday. This was special. If he doesn't come back, I will be ok, I just didn't understand why he is being silent. A totally different person. I understand now and if he returns that would make me happy and if he doesn't the missing piece of my heart will eventually heal and I will always wonder how he is. I know this is not perfect, I know a lot of people here talk about infatuation. If only I could post the deep and amazing talks we had maybe it would be viewed differently. I will always cherish our talks forever.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I never said I love this man,

No, but you said everything but. He is perfect for me. I will never leave him. What not what not. No one is "perfect for you" in my opinion. There is always somethings that will bother you and probably drive you nuts. That is how real world relationships work. Not what you are painting here. In my opinion, you are buying into a fairytail and if I saw someone doing this, it would be the reason that I would leave, permantly. Life isn't a fairytale. There are usually problems in all relationships. Many times serious problems. Especially when you are talking about PTSD and trauma. It takes work and communication, on both side. It isn't what you are painting here at all and what you are refusing to see. This would slap a big red flag in my head. If he thinks I am perfect for him, what will he think when he sees my trauma and my issues? It doesn't work this way!

A totally different person

No. He isn't a totally different person! This is him just like before was him. It's all him. That's the issue with this sort of thinking!

I know a lot of people here talk about infatuation. If only I could post the deep and amazing talks we had maybe it would be viewed differently. I will always cherish our talks forever.

Also called infatuation, which can feel very deep!

 

[Serendipity424]

No, but you said everything but. He is perfect for me. I will never leave him. What not wh...

I never said he was perfect, I said he was perfect for me....he led all of the conversations. No one is perfect we all know this. There is someone that is perfect for you and yes it takes work doesn't mean they are not perfect for you. I didnt scare him off, something else did, however how I reacted with worry is why he stopped talking to me but without ever knowing anything. About PTSD I had no clue my worry would make him distance himself. There is no fairytale expectations here! I just want to understand and be there when others are not. Is that so bad?