Why do people lie?

[Deleted member 8714]

I've got a real problem with people who lie a lot. The occasional lie here and there I can handle. However someone who lies often bothers me greatly. I see right through them and their lies. It doesn't matter if I'm in person or on the phone or even an email. I can tell when someone's lied to me. It's been this way since I was young.

I noticed too that liars hate to be confronted about their lies. So I'm supposed to accept their lies and behavior? And no one should ever confront them?

I recently had to cut off a relationship because of the woman's nearly constant lies.

I'm an introvert. I rarely lie. Besides who would I be lying to the most? Me. I'd say I tell the truth about 99% of the time. And most of those times are omitting something to not hurt someone.

I've read that this is actually not the norm. Sixty percent of people lie often, at least once every ten minutes. That shocked me.

In the 12-step program one of the sayings is "We lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth."

So why lie?

It's just as easy to stop lying and start telling the truth.

Coverup?
To look good?
So people will like us?

 

[DharmaGirl]

Good question! I have often wondered that myself. My ex-husband lies to make himself look like a hero in other's eyes, or look like a victim, or simply because he wants to. I've never understood it. He lies to get out of any kind of work, or to be right. He is now posting lies on facebook about how I turned our son against him, when in actuality, I went out of my way to facilitate their relationship. He is $21,000 in arrears in child support, but he is making up lies about that too. When I left him, he told so many people in our small town that I tried to get him to pay child support but wouldn't allow him to see his son. In reality, I offered him joint custody, but he said no, since he would have had to pay child care. In the divorce papers, he asked me to ask the judge if he could pay the least amount of child support, so I did, and the judge charged him the most for his income bracket. When I graduated from nursing school, I worked weekends so I would get the 15 dollar an hour bonus, and he agreed because he wouldn't have to pay child care. Then he complained that he couldn't go out. I told him to get a babysitter like everyone else. He didn't. I got a hysterical call from my son in the middle of the night at work, saying his dad wasn't home. I left work to pick him up and told him if that ever happens again to call 911. We were married for 10 years, and he lost more than 10 jobs. He told me he was "laid off". That was a lie too.

I could go on and on but you get the point. If you have to lie to make yourself look like an upstanding member of society, then you are just a liar. Of course there are always more lies if you are caught. `

 

[EveHarrington]

I'm like you. I almost never lie. I'm known for being a straight shooter and the most important thing to me is honesty. I don't understand why people lie. It seems pointless to me. :-/

 

[Deleted member 541]

OMG! If I could "like" your post 1000 times I would........ people that lie, is a huge trigger for me. My own daughter lies and even when I've caught her in a lie her response is, "It's just easier to lie than to tell the truth!" We are estranged now, and I no longer have to deal with her or her shit.

I destest liars, I can't/won't tolerate being lied to. Just tell the f*cking truth and be done with it!!!!

 

[intothelight]

People lie for many reasons, but the problem with lying is it destroys trust and for me, when trust is gone, the relationship is forever changed. Depending on the severity of the lie and how the person responds when confronted, the relationship can be totally over and destroyed.

For myself, I will not lies for I have seen the damage that lies can cause, especially in the perpetuation of abuse.

 

[shimmerz]

So why lie?

Because it is easier than living life with morals and values. All you have to do is make up what other people want to hear about how brave/strong/hard done by/abused you are. It's like living in fairytale land and you get to be the main character all of the time.

I honestly have no idea how people who lie keep up with them. I mean, who remembers what they told who about what? I can't do it.

 

[Deleted member 8714]

This woman that I broke off the relationship with lied about many things.

One of them led her to commit white collar crimes, the same ones, again and again. Twice she actually committed the crime with me on the cellphone talking to her. She lied her way through returning an item she bought six months before, used everyday, and then claimed it was defective. It's something the average person would purchase at least two of, though four would be more realistic. In fact, the item wasn't defective (she told me later) rather it was well used after six months straight of everyday use and twenty-six washings. What I first figured after this was the event took place every six months. What I didn't figure is that it took place every six months for the past thirty plus years of her life.

The last time she lied to the sales person at the high end department store, the sales person charged her a fee and then gave my friend a new item as usual. My friend gloated about receiving the new item for essentially free and based on a lie. I was shocked at her behavior. Knowing my friend, she most likely originally purchased the most expensive brand of these that she could find. So she exchanged her worn out item for a new $200 plus item. Multiply that by two for twice a year and then by thirty and that's $12,000 plus that's she's stolen from that store.

I confronted her about the stealing and she condoned it by lying to me again. Wow! After I confronted her about another product she purchased from a different store and returned and lied about, she never had me on the phone with her again.

She did this with other items as well, purchasing the highest end brands she could buy, and then returning them after thoroughly using them and expecting all of her money back only because she couldn't get a new item. She returned them any where between six months and a year later.

Over time these acts of stealing coupled with her snooty attitude toward me and others during those returns undermined our relationship.

 

[Gamera3000]

I can give you a somewhat technical explanation. This kind of thing is in the realm of what I used to research. I gave up research a few months ago.

All people use words (including specific phrasing), gestures, vocal modulation, and facial expression to communicate. People have varying degrees of ability to recognize and mimic these forms of communication. If a person is naturally talented at understanding and mimicking the communication, they can lie well and easily identify liars. They may not choose to lie, and they may choose to use their ability in a manipulative way that many of us might call positive- they become teachers, salespeople, ministers, political figures, etc.

Some people are not good at interpreting communication. Autistic people would fall into this range, but also awkward people, and I think maybe also people who were transplanted into a different, opposite culture. Say a Westerner into an Eastern culture. Okay, so a person without communication gifts can still learn the skill. Just like I can memorize things to pass a test, a person who is not good at communication can learn that people who do certain things with their eyes and hands are likely to be lying.

I'd also like to add that I have noticed (and was researching) that people who are naturally gifted at communicated seem prone to victimizing people who have natural deficits in communication. They notice that the bad communicators are easy "marks" and may seek them out as co-workers or partners in order to gain an advantage with them.

So MY answer to your question is that people who lie do so because they can. A fish swims because it can, and that's what fish do. A person who is good at lying will use their natural talent. It is hard for them not to do it.

I am naturally very good at lying. I have chosen not to lie for seven years now. I do it in the same way an alcoholic doesn't drink. I think it is my duty not to use a power that other people cannot defend themselves against. Plus it just makes me feel bad. :)

 

[DharmaGirl]

@Gamera3000, I'm finding it hard to think of it as an innate gift. Maybe I'm missing something, which wouldn't be unusual, but why would it be good for a teacher or minister to lie? I don't think salespeople lie as a rule. I don't understand. I won't go into politics because we already see the lies there. I don't understand the desire to manipulate either. Oh well, one of life's mysteries.

 

[EveHarrington]

If lying is an innate gift, my extreme honesty is an innate gift! I just don't have it in me to lie. Plus I give a darn about people and don't want to be dishonest as it would ultimately hurt them. The truth always comes out! I guess what I mean to say is that liars may have an innate gift, but it's also coupled with the not caring about other people and not caring if you hurt them.

 

[I need to heal]

I've got a real problem with people who lie a lot. The occasional lie here and there I can handle. H...

A persons body language & facial expressions usually show all.
I have been made sick to my stomach that the people I was working with have told so many lies in their attempt to cover up the fraud & deception that has taken place.
How they were getting rid of 'troublesome' staff, how they implemented 'fake' surveys to catch people out, how they deliberately brought in a psychopathic employee to add further trauma to a domestic violence victim, how they created fake profiles to get this person talking only then to use her writing & write their academic papers, sell her writing to scriptwriters/movie makers, how they even lied about obtaining her computer passwords so that they could meddle in her life.
They have denied everything & are now trying to make her look bad - they even played her off against her perpetrator by allowing his sister to infiltrate her workplace.
Sick, evil, twisted ..... toxic nasty people.
Manipulation/tyrannical rule/hidden agendas all lead to those who deceive & lie. Those in positions of power that abuse their station to take advantage of others. Was it all in the name of science? Either way what was done is cruel.

 

[I need to heal]

If lying is an innate gift, my extreme honesty is an innate gift! I just don't have it in me to l...

My ex husband is a classic example. He was even willing to lie in court after swearing on the Bible - it blew me away that even with all the evidence he still seemed to think he wouldn't get found out.
He continues to lie today, the saddest part is the children see through him now - yesterday he sent a nasty email to our eldest because again he was refusing to pay for an educational expense (the only thing he does pay for) - he tried to say that it was my responsibility as he had paid for a diving trip last year. My daughter shook her head in disgust, because she took my cash card to pay for the trip. She was shocked that he could so blatantly lie. When I told her what the people I have worked with & also some of the things that came out in all the court cases of what he said - how many lies have taken place - we both felt sad. Disappointed yet again that people - especially those in what should be positions of trust can behave so bad.