Why do people lie?

[EmmaOwl]

In the 12-step program one of the sayings is "We lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth."

So why lie?

It's just as easy to stop lying and start telling the truth.

This is one among a number of sayings that have puzzled me about 12-step programs.

 

[EmmaOwl]

Depends on the woman.
If I have a big interview tomorrow...

Right! And I really do want to know if my hair is sticking up! That is such a guy thing to evade questions like that.

 

[moshpitmunkey]

Different perspective. I grew up in a household where it was never okay to be yourself. Even now it is not okay to be yourself. I had to lie about my sexuality to avoid being beat. I had to lie about having friends to avoid being beat and to keep my friendships. I've had to lie about the core of my being, my desires, my wants and needs as a child and a young adult for my safety. For self preservation, for protection. It doesn't make it right, but when you're trying to survive your day to day life sometimes you have to make decisions like that. And I've dealt with the consequences, loss of family, trust, relationships and the like. Again, it doesn't make it right, just a different perspective.

 

[desiderata310]

Different perspective.

VERY different.
And honestly, when it comes to preserving life and safety I just don't count it as a lie.
That's me.

 

[EmmaOwl]

My ex husband is a classic example. He was even willing to lie in court after swearing on the Bi...

I have posted several things to this thread that make me sound cavalier about lying, but I don't do it when it could cause harm... nor would I lie under oath. Not when it really counts.

 

[EmmaOwl]

Really? I don't even speak every ten minutes. I can't imagine how much talking you'd have to do to lie...

This is an excellent question.

 

[anthony]

Its the intention behind the lie that matters.

Well said. And yer... the radical honesty spectrum, a super passive aggressive mechanism that one.

 

[Tinyflame]

but when you're trying to survive your day to day life sometimes you have to make decisions like that.

Totally relate to this @moshpitmunky ^^ .