Symptom? child-like behavior

[blueangel371115]

I'm not sure where to put this. I feel like apologizing but I'm also questioning if that's a normal feeling or response but...anyhow...

I find myself still interested in playing with toys a 9-10 year old girl would want to own. I mean not just collect to reminisce but actually full on play with. Now, I don't think I'm a child and I realize it's 2017, not 1993 ( when I was 10). Is this normal? I think it's weird, so much so I'm actually afraid to mention it to my T. But I can't seem to stop. I'm 33 years old and I know that. Most of the time I feel like an adult and have 'adult' interests, but I feel a compulsion sometimes to buy and play with those kind of toys. Coincidently, this is when my PTSD began. An incident as a ten year old. Is that normal? Would it be helpful to mention it to her?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I feel young A LOT! I sleep with a teddy bear and also suck my thumb many times to help me feel safe enough to go to sleep.

I think regression is common. At least my therapist says it is. You try to connect with that child you lost and is still in you. I have an "inner child" part of me (and I do not have DID) that wants to do child- like play and child-like things.. When I allow it to happen is when I get those feelings that my brain tends to keep from me. The young emotions that feel young. Not sure why that happens, I just know it does.

So, allow the play and expression and see what happens. I would mention it to your therapist as they are the ones that will help you out with expressing those emotions, thoughts, memories, etc and processing them.

 

[Friday]

Coincidently, this is when my PTSD began. An incident as a ten year old. Is that normal? Would it be helpful to mention it to her?

- Helpful to mention? Absolutely.

For a couple different reasons. Not the least of which is good practice in bringing questions, thoughts, concerns to you T. Whether it's completely healthy & fun, or shameful & terrifying, and everything in between... they're your ally. Someone you can bring anything to. So even if you think it's silly, nonsense, not worth mentioning? Mention it anyway. As good practice. <grin> And you might just be surprised. In a good way. Because the more they know? Usually the better they can help you. IME? A lot of the things I thought were meaningless, or no big deal, have turned out to be huge. Pivotal in some cases, just damn useful in others. But even the no big deal stuff? Was good practice.

- Normal? Yes. Squared. Cubed.

Meaning it's both 1. normal for trauma stuff; AND 2. a lot of adults just like kids toys and games; AND 3. it can be a combo of both.

(Meaning just because something may be trauma related? Doesn't mean you have to give it up, or that it's inherently wrong or unhealthy. If anything? My experience is that I get to have even more fun. Like washing the toxic yuck off of something. If you think about it? If something is sooooo awesome that it's even cool with toxic yuck all over it, imagine how amazing it would be washed clean? Pretty exciting, right?)

***

My mom (great person) half jokes that's why she had kids; as an excuse to see Disney in the theatre & play with kids toys ;) . Not that she really needs an excuse. One of my family's themes is "grow old, not up". Meant in the best way. We play a lot. All different kinds of play. Which can hardly be my family alone as not only did my very extended circle of friends (adults) get together for a monthly game night (different themes), and our weekly potlucks often involved various games (young-ish ones with kids before bedtime, more challenging after bedtime)... But it's a multibillion dollar industry. Even dis-including video games & professional sports! So I know it's not "just" me & the people I hung out with, which would still be fine, purely based off of the ginormous market. Adding in sports & gaming? <low whistle> People play. Lots, if not most, people play.

I don't know if your abuse was familial or not... But one of the things I've noticed in both my former inlaws (super-abusive), other abusive families I've known personally, & from around here on the forums? Abusive families don't usually play together. Whether it's sports, boardgames / cards, imaginative play, artistic play, educational play, electronic play, what have you. Marrying into my exHusband's family was this crazy lesson in BLEAK. They had a million excuses (from sneering & mocking: that's BABY stuff, what are you a f*cking baby? Grow the f*ck up! -to elementary aged kids! :mad: even worse with each other ... To "We're too POOR to do FUN things!" Bullshit. First off we were way poorer, second off they wouldn't know fun if it bit them in the ass, too busy being damn martyrs and making themselves and everyone else around them miserable. :wtf: The only "fun" they had was hurting other people).

Play on. :D

 

[blueangel371115]

Thanks. The first abuse was familial, the assault was my employer and then my ex. I do like to play video games. It became my outlet. But my family is really judgemental and doesn't necessarily find it appropriate at my age. So that's why I'm embarrassed. I guess I expect others to be too. But yes, we all stopped 'playing' or really doing anything together when the drinking and abuse started. Most of our family trips seemed kind of hollow and even then there were fights. I do think it's trying to 'wash the yuck off' like I want to cut and paste memories in my life. I've never thought of it like that until now.

 

[Keen]

I'm not sure where to put this. I feel like apologizing but I'm also questioning if that's a no...

I didn't have time to read other people's posts so sorry if this is a repeat. It is totally OKAY to play with toys! The recommended age-range for each toy is set by the manufacturer, not God or the universe. The idea that adults shouldn't play with toys is a cultural norm, not an absolute truth. And its not even a standard shared by everyone. You should check out the book "Play" by Stuart Brown, he believes its a misunderstanding or faulty belief to think adults playing is immature or weird. In fact, its extremely healthy for us as individuals!
That being said, if your play causes you distress, totally talk to your therapist about it and see if he/she can help with it.

 

[Eagle3]

This is a big subject for me, because I didn't play much when I was young. I was always expected to be a grown-up, function on my brilliant father's level, or my uber-religious mother's interests, in order to have any interaction. Today, in my mid-30's, I have a small collection of metal airplanes with connectable runway pieces that I want to play with, but don't know how. I have a friend who was also extremely cloistered as a kid, and never got to play either, so we have a plan to play with my planes as soon as I can get out of my parents' house again, and he can drive!

As much as I find myself WANTING to play, I still have some kind of strong internal prohibition against it, like I get physically uncomfortable at the thought of playing any kind of pretend-games. I know its because I was beat for "lying" when playing any kind of fantasy or role-playing games as a kid, but even now that I know the difference, I still can't bring myself to be comfortable playing. I'll color, read, play board or card games with my bestie's family, but I still can't get passed the "ministerial behavioral expectations" of my parents. Something I need to address with my T I suppose, although I have brought it up, and he's all for me buying plastic animals and toy airplanes and playing with them.

 

[blueangel371115]

Sounds pretty similar. I feel like my life got sidetracked and I wasn't really a kid. I guess now I'm getting help and figuring things out, my psyche really wants to be.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I'm not sure where to put this. I feel like apologizing but I'm also questioning if that's a no...

Its not that unusual, I know someone who has been childlike to this day, cartoons, toys the whole bit, and she has a abuse history from her childhood, I am not sure but it may have something to do with feeling safe or a comfort zone. Don't make the mistake of attaching shame to this because your an adult, it's ok to do what ever you need to do to meet your emotional needs even it its childlike. So long as others are not harmed or adversely affected by it there is nothing wrong about it.

I myself wish I had such a comfort zone. There are times I would not mind becoming an adult child and just remaining that way.

 

[blueangel371115]

Yeah, I couldn't stop myself. Now I'm searching for a toy I never got a chance to get back then. Unfortunately, it's crazy rare. Fingers crossed.