Is my vet's ptsd to blame for my sons behavior?

[Izom]

I've read SO many posts here about how sufferers look down on "normal people" (you KWIM) and use condescending terms like "sheeple".

Right. Because no child with mentally healthy parents has ever regurgitated something rude or embarrassing one of their parents said when they thought junior wasn't in earshot.
Yup, a phenomenon totally unique to a child of a ptsd sufferer.
Sigh...

 

[Alut]

Right. Because no child with mentally healthy parents has ever regurgitated something rude or embarrassing one of their p...

I was sharing my experience Sighs. As an adult who has grown up around people like this. You can put down my experiences all you want but it doesn't make it any less real or true. I am sharing what I know. No need to disregard my thoughts on the subject simply because it doesn't meet with your world view.

 

[Izom]

I'm not Sighs. I wrote sigh... at the end of the post to portray sarcasm, not to out my member name in the anon section.

I should have used a different text format for that.

 

[Oradu]

I agree with others that you describe as strict just sounds like consistency. Kids need limits and boundaries.

They also need safe outlets. I love the idea of taking him climbing, properly. Probably a little tough for a preschooler -- and the mom of a preschooler - another, maybe easier, option is gymnastics.

 

[Ranon]

I assumed it was Sighs too lol.

Ditto to the recommendations for safe climbing. I've seen some pretty bad ass homemade climbing walls for kids on the wall next to their beds that could be a quick, cheap option for home.

 

[Iloha]

I'm not Sighs. I wrote sigh... at the end of the post to portray sarcasm, not to out my member name in the anon section....

Well IMHO sarcasm is a bit rude of a reaction. My suggestion requires deeper consideration of the situation at hand and not a knee-jerk reaction. Writing off behavior simply because kids of normal parents do the same thing is not in the best interest of the child. You can find bad behavior of EVERY kind in children of completely normal parents. I think you are "triggered" to some extent perhaps you have personal experience in being called a bad parent because of your PTSD (or perhaps that of your partner if a supporter). It's important to look at the larger picture and not just brush off this behavior because of your own personal baggage.

 

[Kofafo]

I think your preschool teacher is both a bitch and a complete idiot.

But that's coming from both a vet, and someone who worked with / taught ADHD kids for years.

Where there is no curbing wild behavior by being strict, if anything all that does is make things worse. Working within that disorder is quite backwards from neurotypical kids. As punishing and restricting? Just means that they come up with more ways to be punished and restricted. (Don't climb the clock tower! ... Just means they'll climb the car. Don't climb the car!... Just means they'll climb the bookshelves...you've have to create a thousand don'ts, and they'd still find 400 new nouns to climb. Or they'd quit "climbing" and start heaving, sliding, springing, dragging, as more and more verbs are restricted. Shrug. Giving them a "When is it okay to climb?" Checklist, on the other hand? Works a treat. Just like a "When it okay to yell?" Checklist -When there's danger, or you're far away.- "When is it okay to jump on furniture?" -When you've asked, first, AND they've said yes.- ). Instead of Don't be bad!, it's learning how to be good.

Shrug. It's very Montessori in many ways. But then Montessori education was originally special ed for difficult & unteachable children. It was only later found to be also brilliant with neurotypical kids. In most Montessori schools the examples you listed would be "So & so is learning how to be a good friend / is struggling with being a good friend, today." Or "Amazing Climber is learning when and where it's a good idea to climb." Or "We're getting a lot of opportunities to practice being respectful to others. That can be super challenging, huh? High five for how hard you were working at that today!"

Writing off behavior simply because kids of normal parents do the same thing is not in the best interest of the child

It can very well be.

If something is developmentally and age appropriate? That's a good thing to know.

It's tempting to brand kids with whatever is going on nearby them, even though the kid next door does the exact same stuff and doesn't get branded as anything else other than a representative of childhood... And that both puts undue pressure on them in some regards (to not be kids) whilst being overly permissive in other regards (excusing behavior that in no way needs an excuse, and needs correcting). Essentially doing the opposite of what that individual kid needs. Their normal stuff being branded as unacceptable, and their hard stuff not being helped though. Instead of their normal stuff laughed off as just kid stuff, and their hard stuff being given a hand with.

 

[Uta]

Jungle gyms? They exist because kids love to climb. Climbing is not an acting out activity. Nor is it a "risk taking" activity in 4-5 year old child. 4-5 year olds SHOULD be fearless in this regard. A child with an overly anxious parent may become fearful, but I doubt his dads risk taking is a problem for him or influencing this. Kids just don't fear like adults do, unless they are taught to be afraid in a non healthy manner.

He needs healthy outlets some great ones has been suggest, but how often does he get to go climb playground equipment?

Love love love the post above me for helping him learn when it is and isn't ok to climb.

 

[Ivo]

Thanks everybody. I did a poor job explaining myself. When I said "no climbing policy" I did not mean he was not allowed to climb at all. He is allowed to climb on the playground, but he is not allowed to climb the furniture. In the daycare center he is allowed to climb on the climbing frame outside but again he is not allowed to climb the furniture...
... or to shove and hustle the other boys, which he often does....
The have a "no toy weapons" policy in this daycare but he turns everything into a weapon. At home he has toy weapons. So I basically already did what you suggested. I told him it was okay to play "war" at home but not at the daycare. Though I really do not like that game and encourage other activities.

I am afraid that he will end up in trouble later in his life because he does no accept rules though he wants to be good and wants to get along with the daycare teacher. He seems to have a high potential for aggression and impulsivity.

My vet actually agrees with what many of you said, that he should be given an outlet to live the site of his character... but I do not know how to say this... I see so few chances for an highly aggressive and impulsive male to flourish in our society and am afraid that if we encourage it to much that he will end up a misfit.

Yes, it is true, he copies things his Dad says. "Sheeple" is a word my Vet uses.

 

[Nomihe]

Can't edit anon. posts OOPS. By the time I got done reading the replies I forgot I wanted to reply to this.
Fadeaway, outing myself just because I am going to be harsh.

At home he is not allowed to climb things, we have a very strict no climbing policy, because he has hurt himself in the past when he fell.
He is a kid who actually does not have much self esteem and he wants to be well behaved.

No no no *scream* You can't ban him from climbing things at home just because he got hurt. If he is climbing something dangerous sure.. but banning all climbing is madness and will tax both yours and his sanity. For goodness sakes, he is 4 years old.

If a four year old has self esteem issues there is something seriously wrong. As in the parents have too high of expectations, seriously wrong.

Kids fall, they get hurt. While never setting limits or ensuring a childs physical safety and allowing life or limb to be in danger is abuse, never allowing a child to be a child and not allowing them to get a few bumps and bruises along the way can also be abusive.

If life or limb is not endanger even if it results in some minor scrapes so be it. Obviously if he is climbing a dresser or entertainment center that could fall down on him, that is a definite no go, but climbing on a kitchen chair to get to a counter, or climbing a tree? Kids do that and it is a healthy part of childhood exploration.

 

[Usuro]

Sorry, you got me wrong. We got stools he can use when he reaches for something, of course he is allowed to climb them (if that even counts as climbing) but he is not allowed to climb things not ment for climbing.

 

[Nomihe]

I see so few chances for an highly aggressive and impulsive male to flourish in our society and am afraid that if we encourage it to much that he will end up a misfit.

It seems you posted at the same time I did. Ummm....he is four!

Look, I know being a parent is a hard job, but 4 year olds are impulsive because they don't have the brain development not to be. Aggressiveness at that age is not an indicator of aggressiveness at older ages. I am guessing this is your first child. There are some great resources out there about age and mental development.
I can't vouch for this book myself, but my husband swears by it as a teacher. Dead Link Removed