Sufferer Support needed, struggling with therapy

[Ellie May]

Hi everyone,

My name is Ellie and I'm new to the forums. I've been in therapy for a while for early life trauma, did group therapy for a spell for the same reason. I know they tell you that once you start working through things in therapy, your symptoms may become worse for a while before they get better. This makes sense as you process through things you weren't able to process as a child.

Anyway, I'm at the point where I'm just so frustrated with the entire "process," but it's too late to go back to how I was before I started (not great, but functioning at least), and I just don't know where to turn now.

Therapy helps but it's slow. And so many of my symptoms are somatic. In fact, most of them are. This is what makes it difficult to function. I've tried medications for the past three years (on and off several of them) but I react badly. I've recently started exercising and just at the very beginning of CBT. But I still have to hold down a full time job to support myself. I'm out of sick days until September. I can barely make it through the day sometimes. And I'm exhausted.

Anyone have a similar experience? Sorry this is a bit disorganized. Naturally feeling a bit anxious at the minute.

Thanks for reading,
Ellie

 

[PointlessExistence]

The stress of planning out and carrying out therapy can be a huge trigger. It can become an entire facet of the illness. In fact, just having the idea that you may need such intensive therapy can be a symptom of your illness. It's almost a catch-22.

We are expecting ourselves (who can't easily make decisions due to our illness) to make a huge decision. Depending on the intensity of your illness, as well as the particulars of it, it could feel impossible. I was stuck like that for a long time. I finally ruled out intensive therapy. I have a p-doc and am staying stable and just concentrate on what's in front of me.

But it took me a long time to get there. For years I was stuck in between - never taking the full-on, intensive therapy jump yet never getting it off of my mind.

 

[ladee]

You can take breaks when it's like this, unless you need the support of T each week...it is hard, and exhausting... but every conversation and tired day is one behind you... so there is progress whether it feels like it or not... and you talked about it being slow... you just have to picture it as a huge gaping wound, and it has to heal from the inside out... there is no hurrying it..... it just takes time.... we all go thru it and feel just like you do now... thank you for sharing, hope it lightened your load for you...

 

[Kaleidoscope]

Hi everyone,

My name is Ellie and I'm new to the forums. I've been in therapy for a while for early life trauma, di...

Hi Ellie... I am new to this site. I have completed counseling, feeling stronger with a deep understanding of what brought me to this in the first place. Therapy was very hard...I agree and can relate to much of what you have said. I used photography and had the distraction of 10 grandchildren off and on. It was worth it and it was hard, painful. Be kind to your self...

 

[AnonymousGirl99]

You all are so kind. Thank you so much for your replies. A lot of what many of you said has been said by my therapist, but for some reason, it always strikes me differently and perhaps more powerfully when it comes from other survivors.

Unfortunately, I do need to see my therapist every week. We're focusing right now on how to become more stable, without going into too much detail about the trauma. And while my support group was great, it was just too intense. Leaving it was a very good decision for me.

I hope to become more active on these forums. I'll certainly scan through and read some more. I'm really interested to know if anyone suffers from phobias or any fears of stress and their own bodies response to it.

Anyway, thank you all again for taking the time to respond.

 

[Joan]

Welcome to the forum and nice job reaching out. I could have written many of your words. I also have many somatic symptoms and when they rage and my brain rage is when i am at my worst. I am unable to work so do not have that to worry about. I do find exercise to help to a degree sometimes a hot bath or shower, rocking in a rocking chair, fresh air and sun, art. It is hard work, but it does get better. Best wishes.

 

[AnonymousGirl99]

Thanks, Joan! Sometimes it's the smallest things that can make the biggest difference. Taking a walk, reading outside, those things can sometimes put me right pretty quickly (if I let my guard down and let them). Thank you for validating my experience. These forums are amazing.

 

[KerriJ]

It looks like you are in the US. If you need to, some states have financial assistance for these kinds of things. (It's a struggle)
I dealt with this same thing (Frusteration with the process, therapy overwhelm, etc) so I took a break for a couple weeks and met with in real life friends instead. I made sure to have someone with me during the strong emotional times though.

Something you could try is a non-trauma support group, even a 12-step meeting for something you have/had struggled with. (I go to some that I only mildly deal with, and it still helps) Here in my town we have a club for those of us with mental illness to make friends. It's so helpful when we are sick of therapy/the therapy process or plain overwhelmed with our trauma.

I'm extremely somatic too. My therapist calls it body-responses. There's a book out there called THE BODY KEEPS SCORE about why it happens. I'm going to read it soon myself.

I'm new here too, if you want to message me we can talk more about somatic stuff!