Weight/rape/ptsd/eating

[Deleted member 37474]

I was a normal healthy weight when I was raped long ago. Then I was hyper-sexual to some extent. Blocked stuff out. Always staying a certain weight in an attempt to please men and find a husband.

Then a long period of motherhood, thyroid issues, up and down weight. I eat from stress and starve during emotional chaos. I will always remember a visit with a new endocrinologist. After reading my intake answers she asked, "How long have you suffered from depression?" What? I didn't have depression. Anyway, Despite exercise, I managed to get my weight up 30 lbs higher than my "horrified weight" and maintained that for years.

Last year PTSD hits. I lose 15 lbs pretty quickly by doing nothing. (I guess that included not eating). Now I am 8 lbs down to reaching my "most horrified weight." I guess not eating is probably not the healthiest way to lose weight, but I see it as a silver lining. If my life is going to be turned upside down, I might as well achieve some weight loss goals.

What has been your experience with food and ptsd?

 

[Deleted member 541]

When I'm ok, my weight goes up. Right now I'm about 30lbs overweight according to the BMI scales. When I get severely triggered and become depressed, I'm anorexic big time and can drop 40lbs in about 5 weeks. My lowest weight ever 109 lbs and my highest was when I was pregnant 201 lbs.

So mood and food do go up and down for me too.

 

[FauxLiz]

I did great for years maintaining a healthy weight but at one point I filed for divorce, changed jobs and moved 800 miles away to a new community. I have always eaten as a protection and stress relief but I had my thyroid removed and I piled on the pounds. Things started going better and I lost all the weight and then ptsd hit and I wanted to be invisible to men. I had received quite a bit of unwanted attention at the lower weight and I have slowly piled the pounds back on. I know what I need to do but my life continues to be in a state of upheaval which leads to my overeating and avoiding exercise. My t and I have been working on this for about a year now and we are not getting anywhere fast.

 

[Raj]

Sorry to hear this, I'm male and stress eat a lot! Don't like being fluffy, yet have flash backs of the relative that taped me, because I "was skinny and weak!". Personally I feel if we all support each other here and have decent therapists we can become healthy.

I'm rooting for us all!

Raj

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

I was raised in a home that used food as a reward, a celebration, a punishment, a way to help others, and my family always prepared massive amounts. We were always made to clean our plates, too, whether we wanted to eat it all or not.

Most of the food choices were down home southern style cooking, full of meats, cheeses, fatback, lard, breads with every meal, sweet tea, etc., etc. There was an occasional veggie side dish, but it was usually swimming in butter or drowned in cheese, and most of the fruits were made into pastries or pies and such, or topped with processed sugars and whipped cream.

When they didn't have time to cook, we ate straight from cans and the freezer or a drive-thru window of some variety. If you didn't like what they had, you got nothing.

No one ever exercised at my house, either. Everyone was always rushing off to work or to help with a volunteer gig or some community happenings. Health and wellness was never discussed. Ever. Any illness related stuff was kept hush hush, most especially if it was anything other than physical health.

I never was considered to be skinny and was often brutally picked on in school and was called things like "thunder thighs", "fat ass", "beached whale", "big bertha", etc. Pys. Ed. class was my worst nightmare for so many reasons. Apparently the extra weight didn't do a damn thing to deter being molested and raped multiple times throughout my very early teen years and beyond. I was an easy target for folks who preyed on females with no self-worth, it seems.

I feel I likely used food to try to build bigger walls to keep me safe, or at least what I thought was comfortable and secure, and to meet the emotional needs that were left unattended. I spent a while being homeless, too, so I felt I had to stock up and binge when I could just in case there wasn't any food the next day. However, the only thing that particular method of coping managed to do was cause my body to finally break down in many painful ways, along with the rest of me.

As a result of an ER visit prompted by my gall bladder a little over 2 years ago, when I was weighing in at over 300 lbs. after desperately trying everydamnthing else I could get my hands and brain on through the years, I finally decided to give up meat, dairy, eggs, caffeine, alcohol, and all artificial sweeteners/colors/foods/flavors/scents, etc. I had previously already worked really hard at only eating local "humanely" slaughtered and obtained meats, dairy, eggs, etc., and had already given up gluten, but still suffered greatly in several areas. Best and most eye-opening move I've ever made in my life, albeit the most incredibly difficult.

Luckily I had some intense one on one help and guidance from someone who had already been down the same road and had healed her body from some serious shit by better managing her consumption habits, along with the additional help of multiple other alternative healers.

Unfortunately, the systems that provide the basic and higher levels of education, the food, and the health care tend to work against us in so many regards. It's anything but nurturing. It's really heartbreaking to see it all go down like it does. It hurts even more to know how much of it is done quite happily on purpose and for profit well after knowing the depth of the detriment and ongoing suffering it brings.

May we each find our own healthiest grooves from the inside out.

 

[Deleted member 8714]

I gained a whole lot of weight from two things: PTSD and dealing with my abuse and second, under-treated hypothyroidism.

Then it took me about three years to figure out what I was allergic to in the way of food. It turns out tons of different foods. So much that I've had to stop eating most fruits and vegetables and many nuts.

Before I started to remember I was the ideal weight. I had no problem exercising and eating good. Then the PTSD ratcheted up and wham everything went bust. I occasionally feasted on Oreos, but usually I didn't binge eat. Never was my problem.

During my food allergy hunt I discovered artificial chocolate flavor was a major problem. Guess what's in Oreos? So that's why I craved Oreos. While learning in depth about allergies I found that people crave what they're allergic to and it's literally like an addiction. The reaction releases endorphins and other powerful chemicals into the bloodstream, making one want those foods. Though for me they were also making me deathly ill.

I also had to remove all artificial colors and flavors from my foods. Even some so called natural flavors I had huge problems with including annato and turmeric, used for yellow/orange colors.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

What has been your experience with food and ptsd?

I appreciate your thread here @TexCat. Prior to ptsd diagnosis and in college I became ill with various medical issues. Like you I struggled with low thyroid and depression due to way out of range - high TSH and the undiagnosed ptsd; misdiagnosed and incorrect meds - both caused incredible weight gain for nearly 30yrs...and grave hopelessness coupled with S/I and multiple attempts.

Hard to believe that my weight formerly had shot all the way up to 304pds. Corrected ptsd dx in 2012 and then immediately taken off and/or weaned off all unnecessary psychotropic and anti-psychotic drugs. Currently am only on thyroxine and now weight has dropped considerably. Now I am attempting to cut out so much unhealthy food crap from food list. And I am dropping weight again and am exercising heartily twice a week at fitness center on treadmill, aerobics class, weights, recumbent bike, etc.

If f****** docs will stop misdiagnosing my a** I plan to be able to push through and continue to be pleased with much healthier eating habits progress and ongoing healthy weight loss results. My goal is to be able to drop an additional 30-40pds. which would then put me around 150-160 pds. and now with super healthier eating habits thanks to being off crap a** unnecessary medicines, I have a better shot at achieving my intended weight goal. I seem to be hellbent and determined to stop eating unhealthy s*** and am so appreciative of very helpful advanced (for me) healthy eating/living information being given to me from a super swell friend. I want to feel better and it's really not what I look like that motivates me now as in the past...it's again wanting to feel better about myself...internal vs. external.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

My projected weight loss goal will put me around 140-150 pds. (not 150-160pds.) Also @Tex Cat I forgot to share that last year I underwent major gastrointestinal surgery for a grapefruit-sized abscess (ball of infected foods) that was sitting in my large intestine which then (intestines) had subsequently dropped down into my vaginal cavity and gastro doc had to cut me open from belly button down to pubic area to remove the abscess.

And this has been the precipitating factor in my so needing and wanting (desiring) to achieve weight loss, along with the secondary reason of wanting to feel healthier thus hoping to look healthier as well.

 

[Deleted member 8714]

am exercising heartily twice a week at fitness center on treadmill, aerobics class, weights, recumbent bike, etc.

Was dropping weight until my trick knee got trickier. Had to stop cycling, my favorite form of exercise. Now it's free weights.

Wow @JadesJewel ! That sounds awful. Glad that's out of you.:hug:

 

[Joan]

You are not alone in this struggle. PTSD caused nausea for me which eventually led to not eating, not feeling like I deserved food, like it was the one thing I could control. I have gone from anorexia, to going to residential tx and gaining weight to now being in a fitness program and losing in a more fit way, but also really triggering those former behaviors and desires to just not eat. I hope that you are talking to a T about all of this. I did not for a long time and then alluded to, then hit more head on and now I am back to alluding and needing to be more direct. It is a struggle. Keep fighting.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

I beg forgiveness here for after reading my two above posts, I left out a crucial fact and that is I am solely and completely addicted to food; omg the denial is wacko! I am a foodie; a food junkie, a food addict and I am in recovery for same and daily struggle to not overeat (bulimia w/o vomiting) and food is on my mind pretty much 24/7 except while asleep. And I cannot bring just any food items into my place of residence or I'll sit down and eat same until it's all gone.

There are "safe" foods that I can stock here and there are very unsafe foods that if brought in I will eat until I am sick! Truth. And the truth shall set me free...

 

[Deleted member 8714]

When I was a kid my mother was obsessed with the rules she had made up. No one could get up from the table until everyone was finished. I used to eat slow, slower than everyone in my family. It was not a control thing for me. And not one speck of food could be left on the plate. My mother would hound me (nag, nag, nag) to hurry up every time we had dinner. Not so much at lunch and breakfast. She was a great cook and every dinner was probably too much food for me. There would always be a generous dinner salad, the main course with at least two vegetables sometimes more, and then dessert.

Lately I've noticed that I've been eating too fast. This has been going on for a long time. Possibly since my PTSD went from a manageable trickle to a monstrous freight train barreling down on my life. That would make it 1988/9. I'm making a concerted effort to eat slower. I always leave one or two small bites of food on my plate and have for at least six years.

food is on my mind pretty much 24/7 except while asleep

If I haven't eaten enough food during the day, I'll dream about eating food or my stomach will growl during sleep and sometimes during dreams. And I wake up feeling very hungry.

Ever since I got hypothyroidism, I've had a difficult time eating enough food. My endo one time said I need to cut back on my food consumption to lose weight. My husband laughed when I told him that. He said if I ate any less I'd be starving.