Does anyone else dissociate this way?

[the-lovely-poetess]

So I'm new here and haven't read through much of this forum yet, though I plan to. I have a story to tell you and I was wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar or if what I experienced was strange or weird. So several months ago I was experiencing bad PTSD, lots of flashbacks, and moments where I didn't feel as though I could speak. I was at my job and I totally felt as though I couldn't speak. I was lost in fear and anxiety and only responded to my coworkers by sometimes looking at them if they said my name. I felt as though I was looking at myself from up above, almost like my soul was flying outside my body observing everything from a third person perspective. My coworkers laughed at me and didn't know how to respond to me being nearly immobile and unable to process the words they were saying. I added up tickets and went through the motions of being at work, but nearly all of the tickets I added were incorrect. It was like I didn't understand why I was adding or what numbers were. I lost track of time and stayed 20 minutes past my time to get off, I was just completely unaware of my surroundings. I felt like I was going crazy and something like that hasn't happened since. Please let me know if anyone has had an experience like this.

 

[shimmerz]

Yes, all stuff I suffer with. The difference for me is that I don't dissociate outside of my body (can't see myself from above or somewhere outside of myself). Instead, it feels, to me as if I am going deep, deep, deep inside. I don't see anything. I just know that I am not 'in' or in control of my body.

The mute thing is all me too. I go into these states when I have lost my body. I literally want to speak (and oddly enough, I can write what I want to say) but I simply can't, no matter how hard I try to.

Have you a good therapist? If not, I would suggest that you find one as soon as possible. Someone who is well versed in trauma type behaviour.

 

[Grace]

Yes, all stuff I suffer with. The difference for me is that I don't dissociate outside of my body (ca...

Thanks for responding! Wow it's so relieving to know it's not just me. I wish neither of us had to go through it but it is what it is. I do have a good therapist, we've really been working on mindfulness and being aware of what's going on inside and around me to try to not only get through the ptsd but also to prevent dissociation.

 

[the-lovely-poetess]

Didn't realize i wasn't logged in -.-

 

[ILoveLife]

My experience is similar to @shimmerz I go inside, not outside. That also happens right after some intense emotions are triggered.
Also, I tend to disconnect from reality... I thought it was my psychosis but my docs says it's dissociation. I can't hear what people say and have a hard time communicating. Is that similar to your situation?

 

[torturedsoul4]

So I'm new here and haven't read through much of this forum yet, though I plan to. I have a...

I can very much relate to what you've just described. And It happens to me all the time. Lately I'ts been while I'm at home with my wife and children. I can't even force myself to focus on what my 7 & 10 year old are saying to me. I feel like such a horrible parent. But I feel slightly less horrible after reading your post and knowing that I'm not alone. So I say thank you very much for your post.

 

[LoveTea]

Yeah sometimes I do get that outer body feeling, most of the time I don't remember anything (like I've just woken up and that chunk is gone). Other times I just drift away, and I'm just not in my body anymore. Over the past year or so a friend of mine and a supervisor at work has started noticing it more. At first, they thought I was just spacing out, but obviously it's a little more than that. They are still learning (well I am too) how to handle it. A lot of times they will try to get a response out of me, but I can't always focus enough to do that. Sometimes it's hard though because I've frequently had people who don't know me well think that I'm just ignoring them or I'm disinterested and will say so (a couple friends have mentioned it to me after the fact). I've slowly been finding ways to try and come back. I've seen a lot of people mentioning various cold objects (like oranges) which does work for me, but I am frequently in places where that isn't readily excessible (I'm a college student). My personal favorite is rapping on my sternum to get that echoy feeling, it doesn't require as much focus as some of the other grounding excersizes.

 

[Deleted member 8714]

The first time I dissociated that way I was three years old. I witnessed two murders and couldn't remain in my body to feel what I was going through.

I don't have that any more though. I had it all the way through to integrating all of my alters. I used to have DID.

 

[Keen]

Yes, this sounds like it could be an entry from my journal. Don't worry, you're not crazy! Dissociation can get better as you go through therapy. Yoga helps me a lot, it helps me get back into my body.

 

[shatter eyes]

My counselor calls this getting hijacked.

I get this randomly and the harder i try to put a word or mental sentence together tge more i feel like i will explode and smash everything around me and pancake faces too.
Afterwards i am confused or i can feel guilty for acting out.

Counselor says the hijackers redirect blood flow fuel to the primitive lower brain and the higher executive brain goes offline. Its a learning process to find triggers. Stress loads affect me greatly too. I get hijack too often. Its tiring indeed.

I had one person mock me at my loss of ability to speak. I have to try so hard to walk away and feel belittled.

 

[Cody]

So I'm new here and haven't read through much of this forum yet, though I plan to. I have a...

I have experienced exactly what your talking about although my was triggered by my ex wife bringing home another and serving me with divorce papers, for about 3 days I remember watching myself from behind myself making a sandwich in my old kitchen from what I could find back then was I maybe slipped into a psychosis. But anymore I couldn't be sure just my two cents.

 

[jesse]

I experience the floating from above and looking down on myself usually in therapy when I am trying to process something traumatic. I have come to accept it as apart of myself and try not to judge myself for it. I most commonly go blank, don't remember anything for several seconds or a minute. I have learned this usually happens when something is triggering. It helps me to try and understand what triggered it but not beat myself up about it.