Death Should i go to a funeral for the friend of many of my friends?

[Leisel]

Someone who I don't think I ever met but was very close to many of my good friends recently committed suicide. I don't know how to help. When I was younger and lost a friend to suicide, what helped most was the support of others who were grieving. I didn't know this person so I can't offer that level of support. I do remember however some family members of friends and things like that who weren't grieving, but were very helpful for support.
I don't know if I should go to the funeral, what to say, any of it.
Should I go to the funeral to support my friends who have lost someone they love? I will literally be in the same building 2 hours later for something else, so it almost seems ridiculous to not go, but I want to do whatever would be most helpful to those who are grieving, be it giving them extra space or being there in the moment. Any input?

 

[deeplyloved]

Personally, I think it’s always good to attend funerals if you can...but also remember that the hard work of grieving starts long after the service ends. You already know this. So, you can be a supportive, loving presence for the long haul....whatever you decide about the funeral.

 

[Freida]

I don't do funerals. Period. And I've had people upset with me for that. But I'm also the one they call at 2 am a month later when everyone has moved on. Because that's when they really need you. So it's a toss up

 

[EveHarrington]

If you can emotionally handle it.....then seriously consider going.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

We're all different re funerals/death, etc. in how we show our support. True. When I want to be supportive but do not know the deceased first-hand, I send cards, letters, flowers, food, etc.

Since you'll be in the building the same day of this funeral you may even want to drop off something above-listed for your grieving friends, and for this grieving family as well.

Perhaps you may choose to not attend the funeral since you did not personally know this precious soul and you could still pop in and give your emotional support and leave your gifts, then pop back out.

Due to the past funerals of very close friends that I've attended as a very young girl that were very nightmarish in nature (open-caskets and disfigurement)...I do not attend funerals anymore. Just me.

For I cannot handle the extreme emotional turmoil of funerals now due to my past exposure. So only if you can handle this type (suicide) of emotional upheaval/roller coaster then by all means do try and attend. Hope this helps.

Note: Since this setting would trigger unresolved deep-seated issues within me...I would want to think twice about attending this funeral and instead show my support by sending something through my friends or via mail .

 

[Friday]

If it's for them? Ask them.
If it's for you? Do whatever feels right.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I don’t do funerals if I can help it. Big trigger for me. I stay away at all cost. But if I have to, I go with someone that I feel really safe with.

 

[Leisel]

Do you think it's selfish if I cry? I've been having a really hard time because I don't want my friends to feel how they're feeling. And I know she was young and kind and loved and I know how she died. But I don't want anyone to think they need to comfort me there, when I didn't even know her, so is it selfish for me to go if I might be upset?

 

[Leisel]

Also, I don't know how I will handle it. Being around suicide is really hard for me and I've been really struggling this week. But I feel like since i didn't know her, and I'm not grieving for her, i should be the one who people can lean on, if that makes sense. But at the same time I'm not even over my other friends suicide and I feel like people just keep dying and idk. Idk. I don't think I'll handle it well but I also feel like it's on me to be there and be open for anyone who might need me

 

[Deleted member 37085]

It is unhealthy and deceitful to my self and to my friends when I am not my genuine and authentic self. Stand in your truth and of who you are this day...and be unabashed...unashamed. And cry if you feel like crying...and receive/reciprocate comfort if/when you feeling like receiving/giving comfort. Peace and Love.

 

[Freida]

I'm not even over my other friends suicide and I feel like people just keep dying and idk. Idk. I don't think I'll handle it well but I also feel like it's on me to be there and be open for anyone who might need me

Your heart is in the right place - But. If you are not strong for you then you can't be strong for them. I think so many of us out ourselves in this position. We are crumbling inside but we tack on a happy face because THEY need us and we feel guilty if we put ourselves first or if we don't show up to save the world. Yes things might go easier on them if you are there. But if you are not, others will be. Save your energy for the days when there really is no one to be there for them. Those are the days you make a difference

 

[The Albatross]

Were it me, I'd keep my focus on the fact that though my friends were close to the person, I was not... and unless asked to accompany one of my friends, not attend. Friends can be supported in other ways that the day of the memorial service.