SeekingAfrica
Diamond Member
I feel this has happened before to me, but may be it's the first time I see the pattern?
Anyway, the thing is I currently work from home and my parents are there. I yell with my mom daily, she is quite negative and toxic right now, which makes it really draining. It's gotten to the point where I start doing less and less of other things, other than the "musts"(i.e. work) because I simply don't have the energy and my mom is kind of stomping on my barely regained self-confidence, so I feel...off...
So I feel like I've gotten into some preservation mode. I have 2 planned going-out-s -tomorrow and Friday. Friday is a must, I am meeting a friend(haven't in 10days or so) and going to bank, and I can't move that. But what I do Thursday, I don't want to skip because it would help, but I am also constantly rethinking today.
I have very miniscule energy with everything going on, and while being outside is great, my route to the center is an hour-hour and a half in each direction, with also switching buses and walking. Which means any going out is waay too long, 4 hours being if I am lucky and efficient. And I feel if I'm out Thursday and get home half-freezing (old buses) and exhausted, may be Friday will be really hard or I won't have any energy for work or anything else needed to be done.
This has happened to me before, this hugely overwhelming fatigue, where the simplest things take too much energy, and even showering or cooking or writing an email feels draining. So when it happens sometimes I start getting panic attacks about going out. May be it's my brain's way to self-regulate when I'm exhausted?
I don't even know if I should be fighting this feeling or rather rearranging my schedule to have only Friday as an outing. Like today, I'm not going anywhere, just working from home and cooking. Working out if I have the energy. But I barely got out of bed and I feel like when you're sick, weak and useless, except I'm not sick. So I'm already feeling anxious about going out tomorrow, and still have work to do. It's like a bomb can fall and I still have no energy to move. I'll have to push through Friday, but even that seems like it will take a lot of will and calming myself. Ugh, this probably sounds crazy. I'm not sure this happens to anyone else, I just...needed to see...
Anyway, the thing is I currently work from home and my parents are there. I yell with my mom daily, she is quite negative and toxic right now, which makes it really draining. It's gotten to the point where I start doing less and less of other things, other than the "musts"(i.e. work) because I simply don't have the energy and my mom is kind of stomping on my barely regained self-confidence, so I feel...off...
So I feel like I've gotten into some preservation mode. I have 2 planned going-out-s -tomorrow and Friday. Friday is a must, I am meeting a friend(haven't in 10days or so) and going to bank, and I can't move that. But what I do Thursday, I don't want to skip because it would help, but I am also constantly rethinking today.
I have very miniscule energy with everything going on, and while being outside is great, my route to the center is an hour-hour and a half in each direction, with also switching buses and walking. Which means any going out is waay too long, 4 hours being if I am lucky and efficient. And I feel if I'm out Thursday and get home half-freezing (old buses) and exhausted, may be Friday will be really hard or I won't have any energy for work or anything else needed to be done.
This has happened to me before, this hugely overwhelming fatigue, where the simplest things take too much energy, and even showering or cooking or writing an email feels draining. So when it happens sometimes I start getting panic attacks about going out. May be it's my brain's way to self-regulate when I'm exhausted?
I don't even know if I should be fighting this feeling or rather rearranging my schedule to have only Friday as an outing. Like today, I'm not going anywhere, just working from home and cooking. Working out if I have the energy. But I barely got out of bed and I feel like when you're sick, weak and useless, except I'm not sick. So I'm already feeling anxious about going out tomorrow, and still have work to do. It's like a bomb can fall and I still have no energy to move. I'll have to push through Friday, but even that seems like it will take a lot of will and calming myself. Ugh, this probably sounds crazy. I'm not sure this happens to anyone else, I just...needed to see...
