I'm quite low so often, i'm on my own and crisis lines are no help

[SeekingAfrica]

It's starting to feel like I'll drag this deep depression with me for months and months and it will just get worse and worse and worse. Some days I still manage to do everything, some days I do less. I look for work, but I think my current state is affecting my confidence and my ability to get more work. I still do have some projects, but they won't pay for everything whatsoever.

Every time I get paid, it's gone in 2sec flat, because I pay off few bills and the pay is over. I get few smaller payments, weekly or bi-weekly. I'm looking for more work and I am unhappy where I am now, but too depressed to be the me I have to be to be perfect candidate. Paying bills is a struggle, work is a struggle, getting out of bed is hard. Some days I wonder how to keep going(or rather for what), but I still...keep going.

I tried crisis line, but they seem so polite and scripted, that it didn't feel like they did anything. I don't know....It feels like this will never pass. Now one pay I sent is another day late and it feels like it hurts my stomach. I just want to scrap everything and somehow wake up in March, I just need something to be easier, anything.

And honestly today in particular, I really feel like cutting. Because there is only so much pain I can take. I haven't done anything yet, and I'm trying not to.
I really need to find distractions, because anything real feels like a pit of hopelessness tonight, I don't have perspective at all right now.

 

[Mytime]

I’m sorry your having a hard time. I understand that lonely feeling. Your doing a great job, with still going to work. It can be so hard at time. I get the feeling you may be in carpentry or Reno work. Which I know can be very lonely or just working by yourself is lonely. It might sound silly but have you tried music to get you through those hard days?

 

[Deleted member 541]

Have you had your vitamin D levels checked by your Dr lately??????

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Have you had your vitamin D levels checked by your Dr lately??????

Never actually. But I've been depressed before, and it's been a tough year with a lot of problems, so feeling like I feel doesn't feel like a surprise, if that makes sense...should I?

 

[Deleted member 541]

If you are low on vitamin D, depression is one of the symptoms. Yes, I suggest that you see your Dr and have it checked....

 

[KwanYingirl]

@SeekingAfrica i don’t recognize the flag on your avatar. Is it summer or winter where you live? I’m in northeast auSA and it is so cold, every day I just want to cut because I’m so depressed in the winter. So far so good I haven’t cut. No matter what I try to get outside and move. Working is a good distraction. Sounds like your stress cup is overflowing . Any hobbies to attend to? Are you eating? In AS we have an acronym HALT. It stands for hungry, angry, lonely, tired. When you feel compelled to drink, cut, rage, etc take a minute and check in with yourself. Are you hungry angry lonely or tired? Those are the main feelings that distress us. Of course, they should add ‘poor’ to that. That’s my biggest struggle right now. I hope you feel better soon. Namaste