I haven't slept in my bed

[Gs172003]

I about ten years. I bought myself a fold out futon couch last year and my husband started being able to sleep in it with me. But.....We don't share blankets.

I guess I better work on that.

 

[Friday]

I never share blankets. With anyone. Ever. Unless there’s acute risk of freezing to death.

Or, you know, sex. But for actual sleeping? Never met anyone who likes the heat as much as I do. Fine by me. I’m gonna be all warm and comfy right here, thanks, under this here blanket... polar expedition... and you can be all cool and comfy right there, under that there blanket.... Oliver Twist thin.

Wake up in the morning & 2 flicks settles each blanket and the bed is made, voila.

Know tons of married folk the exact same way. Never thought of it as an issue.

 

[Nessa7]

I don't think that there is anything wrong with a couple sleeping in separate beds. There are a lot of reasons that their sleep habits might not be compatible. I am a night owl that has to have a fan blowing on me and moves around a ton. It doesn't necessarily say anything about me or my relationship if someone doesn't want to try to sleep through all of that.

 

[Gs172003]

I've been married three times. This is the only time ive done this. It hurts my husbands feelings but it is a way for me to avoid anything happening beyond sleeping.

 

[Gs172003]

I'm sorry I even posted this.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I'm sorry I even posted this.

I don't think it's a silly topic to post at all. I'm in the same boat. I slept in the living room for months while trying to work on a trigger.

Often, I also just prefer to be alone at night.

I also have intimacy issues that are trauma related. I simply couldn't bring myself to lie down on my bed. My head told me all the correct answers, but I couldn't do it. Even if sex is off the table. It was just too threatening in so many ways.

I don't know if there are similar issues for you, but my reasons have nothing at all to do with sharing space or warmth.

 

[Gs172003]

I don't think it's a silly topic to post at all. I'm in the same boat. I slept in the living room for...

One evening my husband folded the couch into a bed way too early to sleep and I couldn't go near it. I retreated to the bathroom. I told him "right now to me that's a bed not a couch" and I couldn't do it. That's when I realized how messed up I am.

 

[deeplyloved]

Have you read the book “The Sexual Healing Journey?” I’m not suggesting it would fix or solve anything. I found it to be a helpful guide to exploring different kinds of intimacy with my partner and taking things really, really slow. There are still times when I get triggered, but I feel like much of the time my brain and body clearly recognize my partner is not my abusers.

 

[Gs172003]

Have you read the book “The Sexual Healing Journey?” I’m not suggesting it would fix or solve...

No I haven't but maybe I should at some point

I ordered the book @deeplyloved thanks

 

[blackemerald1]

My parents have been married for almost 100 years and they have always slept in separate beds. Separate double beds in the same room! They managed to have half a dozen kids along the way. So, anyway maybe it is the intimacy thing more than the actual bed? I mean sleeping arrangements aside, being loving towards each other in different ways. Hope you get what I mean?

 

[deeplyloved]

No I haven't but maybe I should at some point

I ordered the book @deeplyloved thanks...

Oh good. I hope it is helpful for you!

 

[Deleted member 34328]

That's when I realized how messed up I am.

I see that you've gotten some good feedback that hopefully will help. I haven't read that book. Maybe I should.

I just wanted to respond to your reference to yourself as "messed up". I don't believe that. I'm not messed up either. I experienced traumatic events which in turn has left me with a response requiring therapy and support to work through. That's not me messed up. It's me struggling to live with a disorder that has a very difficult journey to walk. As have you.

It doesn't make you any less of a person to need specific things a specific way.