Recent triggers have me afraid of starving.. feeling unsafe and afraid.

[littleoc]

I wasn't sure where this belongs, but this seems good enough.

I'm working on many things at a time right now, including trying to make boundaries with my mom (failing a bit because I'm not sure what boundaries between adult children and moms look like), cleaning up my dad's hoarding mess while also trying to convince myself I don't need food stashes (my dad is no longer starving me or neglecting me, because I am a legal adult), and trying in general to be calm.

But major trigger have come up -- as they do.

This time, my mom's work (which is constantly bullying her) is causing her massive stress. She told me while driving me to my services dog's checkup appointment that her company has told her as of December, to go to a new company by April 1 -- but she has heard nothing and thinks (probably rightfully?) that if the new company doesn't give her an offer, then she won't have a job anymore.

I taught her about LinkedIn and suggested getting free legal advice for disability or maybe even for ADA help -- I'm really inexperienced and honestly can't handle this info, though all my siblings probably could.

This was triggering enough. My mom has been spending on fast food and eat out so much and has made no savings, meanwhile I'm still relying on her like a dead leach. I'm scared we'll run out of money and out of food, and have to go back to donations which is never enough and is hard to get.

She had also promised me braces, but I guess that's not something I'll ever want to bring up again, despite being the only thing I've ever wanted since I was a child.

Then something worse happened. My mom's work has screwed up her pay out of nowhere. They ignored her vacation days that were supposed to be paid, and gave her less than half of the paycheck she earned somehow. Their system somehow thought she was being paid less than $12 an hour? Yet she's practically working two jobs (a new company and an old company) and was supposed to be paid much more than this.

So, now I'm terrified of going hungry and of starving again.

As a child I would often go to the store with my mom only for there to be a quiet ride home because my dad stole all her money for drugs, alcohol, illegal pets, online shopping...

And we'd just go hungry. I feel completely unsafe. I have to live in my dad's mess of this house, I have to go hungry again.

So in answer to my triggers I'm suddenly only wanting to eat and drink water once a day. I'm convinced I need to save the food and spread it out -- and look for hidden food in events, from gas stations, and in thrown away places.

Then I'm both wanting to overeat and under eat...

and I'm angry at myself for thinking I didn't need to hoard food and have a food stash.

Can anyone help me?

 

[Ronin]

Can you look at this from the angle of what things do with your body?

As in you may be saving it as money... but you're paying by your health.
Which isn't saving money, long term, & may not be salvageable BY money either, after.

So what's your other options of saving money and/or getting food?
And, drink. Really, really don't drop hydration -and- food together. If something, food. Not drinking.

 

[Gs172003]

I wasn't sure where this belongs, but this seems good enough.

I'm working on many things at a time r...

Oh sweetie I'm sorry

 

[Sweetleaf]

And, drink. Really, really don't drop hydration -and- food together.

This. It really exacerbates things when you're not drinking enough water while also not eating.

@littleoc in the past when I have been in similar situations, where there was looming starving, I'd often try to distract myself as best I could, though I know it's hard. It's really rough having to deal with things like that. I hope it passes soon for you.

Maybe this is something you already try to do - I would often try to build up a decent quantity of really cheap and basic food, like rice, beans, etc. I've gone really long times eating nothing but rice, which really is shitty when it starts getting to be a long time with it, but it's better than having nothing. If you're able to get money, even a little bit can go a long way if you get the right things.

 

[littleoc]

Well, here's some good news:

My mom's work fixed the situation and wired her the rest of her paycheck, though she was charged seven bucks for that for some reason.

Still haven't figured out the job situation thing for her.

But I'm looking at jobs for the summer -- my plan is to save up for a car, which (though it won't be a good car) should help me be able to get the kinds of jobs I really want in the city nearby.

So, there's that :)

Thank you for replied and advice. It helps <3

 

[TruthSeeker]

I wasn't sure where this belongs, but this seems good enough.

I'm working on many things at a time r...

-I grew up with parents who went through the depression and they always stockpiled food. I also have this thing about food, but my issues came as a result of having no money and having to put food on the table form myself and daughter. Being without makes us feel we need to prepare for the worst.
So, I have this urge to cook.....but after having gastric bypass....I don't eat much in one sitting....LOL....and honestly, I'm not all that hungry these days.
As a result of anemia, I compromised with myself...I buy on sale and keep the makings for pizza dough...and loads of crockpot made pizza sauce in freezer. Pizza toppings are chopped and frozen. Pizza is good for any meal of the day. Also, making your own dough is great for anxiety days! I also cook....freeze, and eat four or five favorite home cooked meals. Because I use a crockpot, I can get 8-10 meals frozen, save money, and keep my freezer pretty stocked while eating better than I did. I'm ready for whatever catastrophic event occurs and my kitchen stays way cleaner! I feel safe.

 

[littleoc]

-I grew up with parents who went through the depression and they always stockpiled food. I also have th...

Good ideas... thank you :)

 

[Nessa7]

I can relate a lot to how you're reacting to these triggers. For me, planning can help. I would plan out where I can go for food, count up how much nonperishables I have, plan my meals, and round up all of my money. I'm not sure if that is the healthiest way of going about things, but it's my best coping method right now.

 

[blackemerald1]

@littleoc - I'm sorry you are feeling this way right now. You are not a leach on anyone. I am glad you know that these are triggers and since you started this thread your mother's pay situation was sorted.

This feeling of saving money by not eating or drinking is difficult to navigate. I too have issue's with food but for different reasons.

You mentioned your mother was buying take-away food and had not saved much money. It is true that take-away food costs a lot more than making food at home, is less nutritious and more fattening. There are a load of health issues relating to fast-food.

You also mentioned you would like to get your teeth fixed. Can you still proceed with this with possibly a university who does public dental procedures? Or a dental school? Alternatively a payment plan with the dentist who can do this?

Who does the shopping in the house? If it is your mother mostly maybe you could suggest that you both work out and make a meal plan for the week after she receives her wage. Make a list & check out the cheapest store's to buy from. Then go with your mother on the shopping trips. Try to limit it to once a week and get it all in one trip. It takes planning but it is doable.

I only go shopping for food once a fortnight and I have a list. I loathe shopping so that is my biggest motivator to get it done and not have to go back till I absolutely must. I don't eat any take-away bc that would mean me having to go out again, it's too expensive and generally I am out of the habit of eating take-away food. Long road trips are about the only time I have to give in. I don't drink anything but water so that is too easy for me. I do drink a lot of water regardless of whether I am in a non-eating mood state or not. It has become a (good) habit I suppose.

But I understand that people have their favourite drinks...tea, coffee etc. So that has to go on to the shopping list.

It is always a good idea to stock up on essential items if they are at lower price than usual and they are not going to go stale. Things like toothpaste, soap, detergent...things you use every week whatever the season. Try and find where they are being discounted. You can save a heap of money doing this. But assess how much you realistically need at the same time.

The meal plan does not have to be huge it can be for 7 days or from each pay/wage period to the next. And as previously mentioned by @Bkinder if you make a sauce for say pasta one night some of that sauce can be either frozen or used in another dish the next night. Pin the meal plan on the fridge or in a prominent spot so you and your mother can both see it. Add to it as something is used up. For instance if you run out of cooking oil or butter remember to add it to the list.

Freezing food is not hoarding. It is a sensible way of buying things that are being sold on discount and keeping them. Eg beef, sausages, bread. Knowing how to freeze most things is really simple and you can search online for advice on how to freeze and how long it will last.

Also canned food is a great way of storing food. Again, within reason it is not hoarding food. Man has been storing food in one way or another for thousands of years to ward off lean times.

Try to buy in season produce. Eg. If it's tomato season and they are discounted. Buy lots and make yourself tomato soup, sauce and preserve it via freezing or bottling. That is not hoarding. If more ppl did this there would be less waste, better meals and less stress about where the next meal is coming from. Oh and probably more money for saving for things that they would like to do.

Planning your meals and making a shopping list does two things..at least. It means you know what meals are going to be made for each day and maybe even who is going to be making them. You, your mother or both doing it together. It can be a good time to chat and talk about things that need talking about or even have fun.

I am sure you and your mother both have your favourite meals you like eating. That is a really good place to start your list of meals. Remember if you can double it up and it is freezable then do that. Once you have both started doing this together you may find the 'trigger's' will not be so bad. Making snacks for yourselves must be added to the list too and a couple of hours making muffins or cookies will save a ton of money during the week.

What I am suggesting is that maybe this is one way to a) save money 2) the evidence that you have food on hand will help at least a little to counter that desperate feeling that you should not eat, or will starve.

I hope this helps a little.

:hug:
b1

 

[TruthSeeker]

@littleoc - I'm sorry you are feeling this way right now. You are not a leach o...

I have felt this desperate feeling of "will there be enough food?" Food is an essential, a primary reinforcement, so not having a stock of canned food, and not having premade food in the freezer actually stresses me out. On a day something goes wrong, I can find something to heat up that I will A) Know is healthy, and B) Actually eat! Therefore, there is no waste. I know I'm healthier as a result and I eat feel good stuff-it makes me feel better about the day-it is comfortable.

I found crockpots to be the easiest way to cook.....less mess, and if I forget, nothing is burned and nothing is wasted! Some have timers that will cut off that you can set. They can always be picked up cheap at yard sales....I get loads of cheap but good stuff at yardsales... crockpots only one of many things. The last hour of a yardsale...especially!

If talking with Mom doesn't feel like it will work now, make and freeze ahead a couple of meals you know she enjoys. Then offer to have dinner ready one night....if she likes the premade meal idea and enjoys your meal, maybe it that can be a window for discussing future meals the two of you would like to prepare ahead and eat.....shifting to planning for meals...just a thought. My mother would never let me in the kitchen, and my daughter hates to cook, so I'm no expert on dealing with other's with meal planning. I just do it to make my life less stressed and healthier. Good luck!

 

[Daph]

It is good idea with keeping non perishables and frozen meals like people suggested. What is a favorite meal or comfort food? Maybe some here might have some recipes on yours or their favorites.
It could even be some homemade broth to sip on if easier during that mode Plus you get more bang for your buck boiling the leftovers of a chicken.

Although, i get starving yourself mindset and still struggle, but now trying to be better due to some NEW health issues related to not eating/balance. A concern I noted above someone brought up already.

However, I hated when my doctor gets on my case of eating fish, chicken and more vegetables/ and judges by telling me to stop eating just whatever like take out. Eating whatever to me is living off my stock of dried lentils for 3+ weeks and trying to cuts meds up due to money.
Want a lentil can pumpkin soup recipe :whistling:?

 

[TruthSeeker]

Goulash or Chili Anyone?

I just made goulash in my crockpot..... and because I don't like to cook all the time, I double this recipe and make in a 7 quart crockpot! Sometimes half makes a good chili and the other half a tasty goulash! Two meals from one! I usually make all goulash except in the fall.

(pre-salt beef a bit to flavor meat)1 lb ground beef & 1-2 medium onion sautéed in a skillet (I prefer ground chuck) but I get what is cheapest, pour meat w juices in crockpot,
Pepper optional...to taste...I don't add much. Add extra salt midway through cooking process...but taste first!
Put in crockpot- 1 really large can light kidney beans, 1 regular small can, juice and all.......
1 large can crushed tomatoes, 1 large can of tomato paste (2 small....1 could do on a budget), 1 small can of diced tomatoes with juices....(with or without basal, oregano, or other flavors). Cook on high 2 hr in crockpot....when beans are soft, add macaroni.
Macaroni will require liquid. If the concoction is kinda thick when you are ready to add macaroni, add some tomato juice/V-8 or another can of diced tomatoes, or maybe just a little water-not much or it will deaden your flavor...you may need to increase seasonings, and toss in macaroni to cook...desired amount based on how much room you have in the crockpot (consider 1/3 of a cup of macaroni dry = 1 cup cooked), how much do you want, I sometimes add a lot...sometimes what I have....just.consider it will grow in the crockpot. No need for surprise messes hrs later.

This freezes great! Always label and date. If you are going for portion control, buy aluminum mini loaf pans or small individual tart pans w/out tops (they will rewash in dishwasher), and cover with foil and label w date. Make sure not to eat in them if you plan to reuse because a fork will puncture. They go from freezer to oven(but not microwave) or you can buy freezer ware at yard sales cheap. I wash right away and even put them in the dishwasher to reuse. When preheating cook between 350-375 degrees, mostly w aluminum on.

Half Chili and Half Goulash
Chili-take half and add chili powder, simmer 15 min on stove, and freeze as chili,
Keep other half in the crockpot and add desired amount of macaroni...and anything else that grabs you...corn, broccoli, cut up carrots, etc. which will strengthen it or not if you want it more meaty. This is packed with protein. Top with cheese for more when you reheat.

Beware: Dark Red Kidney beans WILL BURN more easily in the crockpot than light ones. Stir to the bottom several times during the cooking process, and avoid dark red kidney beans where possible. Using a variety of beans is also a good idea or soaking beans over night can be cheaper.