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Relationship Do yall still keep in touch?

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RRT13

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Me and @Freida kind of talked about this on a post yesterday and it got me to thinking.
If you and your sufferer broke up do yall still keep in touch? Are yall still friends or do yall keep getting back together?
Weve broken up before, got back together.Now Ive decided to step back and not focus on us. My vet needs to focus more on himself first. We havent spoken in 2 days. We last talked on text Friday evening and it was kinda abrasive at times, kinda friendly too.
Last time we broke up we kept in constant contact even though it was always text. We havent officially said break up this time, but hes wanting to move far away so I take it as a breakup.
So what do you as supporters do if its been amicable?
 
I haven't heard a word from my ex-girlfriend since the last time I saw her one year ago, when she spoke to me as if I was a total stranger and was devoid of any emotion. No apology. No sign of remorse. Nothing.

I'm not as bitter as the above makes me sound. A lot of good has come from the breakup by way of personal development. I've become a stronger person and have reconnected with ambitions long ignored. It would just be nice to have some acknowledgment that we were once very, very important to each other and that I deserved better than what I got. Some accountability, you know?
 
Me and @Freida kind of talked about this on a post yesterday and it got me to thi...

You said "vet" so I'm gonna assume your ex has combat PTSD....my ex did as well. I was dating a combat vet and was broken up with and his PTSD had A LOT to do with it. the first time he pushed me away was an official break up....for about a month there was no contact, blocked from all social media, and blocked from his phone. Eventually, communication was more and more....we began to hang out again. Then we got closer and closer...then BOOM...he pushed me away again. And the cycle continued, it manifested itself differently, but each time the pattern was for sure there. The stories I have read, from other supporters who date a combat vet, are all very similar in nature. This past August, we really reconnected. Up until that point, we were fine, and would hang out maybe like once a month or so. But when August came around, things changed...we changed. We were really feelin it, I grew as a person as did he....the stars were lining up. Well, one night we had the "talk" about us and it was okay...nothing too surprising but the wind was for sure taken out of my sails...but I decided that even if nothing would happen with "us" right now, I was okay with that. I just wanted the guy in my life again, in some capacity. A few days goes by and I messed things up by talking to his older brother about me and him (nothing that I wouldn't have said to my ex) well my ex did NOT appreciate that conversation me and his brother had. He felt like I betrayed him and just like a typical PTSD vet, he looked for a way out and used it.

I've read that many PTSD combat vets won't leave the relationship, on their own accord, typically they will "look" for things they disagree with or find a "reason" as to why the relationship is a threat to them and they will terminate said threat. That concept really helped me....I always felt like some of the reasons or responses he gave me, during a breakup or push away, didn't make sense and seemed to be "all my fault" and I carried that fault/guilt everywhere. It was nice to hear of other people saying the same things and feeling confused in the same manner. I feel like many combat vets, in a good relationship, don't want the relationship to end but they feel "unworthy" of anything good in their life especially from another human. This factor alone, causes so many internal issues for them.
 
Yes my combat vet with untreated PTSD. Im very confused with him. We dont fight, or argue, we actually get a long really well. But since getting back together at Christmas up until SuperBowl life was awesome. Now he seems flat and some days hes friendly.He says hedoesnt feel normal around family from what I could get out of him was maybe their expectations were too high for him. Everyday at the same time I message him first and he responds. I think I'll keep doing what I did before and keep our convos funny and friendly and see where it goes.
 
To add I guess he does want to move off away from his family. Since he had moved back home when we broke up in Nov he never got his own place. He has stayed with a brother and other family.Now they get on his nerves and he wants privacy so he says moving should help and he wanted me to know. His plan is to move by end of April. I could see him ending it if we actually fought but we dont. I think its more self preservation thing.
 
To add I guess he does want to move off away from his family. Since he had moved back home when we b...


Sounds a lot of my guy too. We would never argue or fight...I think maybe one time did we ever really get into an argument. My ex was my absolute best friend before dating, it was something that a dumb sappy movie could be made from. But that's the thing with combat PTSD vets in good relationships, they want to be in the relationship, they want you in their life, they want you....but at the same time, they feel (believe) like they can't have any of those things because those things are "too good." They push us away because we are "too good for them" or they justify pushing us away to "protect us from them." Combat PTSD vets have the need to save others....they are trained to take lives but in the name of "saving others." So some vets see themselves as a monster or as someone who can hurt people they love the most....so what's the solution? Take out the target. They will neutralize themselves, from the relationship, and blame us for the reason as to why they needed to break up. It sounds abnormal to a person who hasn't dated a combat vet with PTSD, but for those of us who have, it sounds normal.

Stay strong, this process comes in waves.
 
So some vets see themselves as a monster or as someone who can hurt people they love the most....so what's the solution? Take out the target. They will neutralize themselves, from the relationship,

Yep

and blame us for the reason as to why they needed to break up.
Not my experience. But the first half? In the black. You don’t hurt the people you love. Full stop.
 
@headshrinker89 your post totally makes perfect sense.
We actually just talked a little bit on text. Even though it was just bs, its good to still talk. Maybe every few days I should just catch up with him and not everyday and just keep it friendly and funny.
 
My ex and I chat on an IM program daily, on and off throughout the day, sending each other items funny and light. I'm the first person he tells when the shit hits the fan. We go out to dinner about every other week or so. We do some shopping, like at IKEA or a local Asian grocery, together. A couple weeks ago, we went to a hockey game, and have another coming up. He had my mom and me to his place a few weeks ago, he's coming here for corned beef & cabbage for St. Paddy's Day.

We haven't discussed divorce yet...which is another story that goes with said hockey game a couple weeks ago. :wtf: In his convoluted, leave a plausible deniability out from the conversation, way, he brought up getting back together. I...just said we'd have to talk alot if that was on the table again.

Basically? We don't discuss heavy stuff, at least not involving "us" and not involving me. I tell him very little about my life or what I'm thinking. Emotionally, I hold him at arm's length, at least when it comes to my own emotions. I sometimes feel guilty about it, he probably thinks I'm devolving into a total airhead, if my lack of deep topics registers for him at all. But...I've always kept my inner-most workings from him, to an extent. He's proven that when I need the support, and need to be accepted, I can't rely on him.

So yeah. It's all very amicable. Not a deep relationship at all, at least not on my end, and I'm definitely not holding a torch for him. Right now, he's a sick friend who needs support. Meanwhile, I'm carrying on with my life. My work is fulfilling, I'm looking to move into my own place soon (I live with my mom, who moved here after my dad died - read my various posts for my story with my sufferer), and am starting to almost maybe kinda be interested in maybe kinda almost dating again. Or at least get out more and meet new people, for funsies at the very least.
 
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