General What are they thinking?

[somerandomguy]

*blinks* I didn't know that was a thing. I feel the humming too. Sometimes it sounds like surf, though, but at a constant rate, not going in or out.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@Freida, totally not a freak!

Humming Sound In Your Head

ETA: and @somerandomguy

 

[Freida]

@lostforgottensoul
Thank you so much for that link!!!! I knew it was related to my ptsd but had no idea it was an actual thing!!!!

 

[NaeNae75]

@Freida , I have a question if you're up to it.

 

[Freida]

Sure -- and good timing since I'm done with my isolating for the time being LOL :):)

 

[NaeNae75]

I posted on my diary, but I'll give you a synopsis. My SO of 8 years and I both have PTSD, but it manifests differently, so I don't always understand him. (Hes an isolater, I'm not) Things have been pretty good since his last isolation.
Anyway, he's been a SF NCO in the AF 24 years, 3 deployments now med retirement. Many years ago he was an EMT, and now is a Federal Officer. Like I said, things were good, but Thursday night his best friend from his EMT days was killed in a medical helicopter accident with his 2 crewmates. He reached out to me Friday when he found out, but by Saturday he started blaming me for all of his unhappiness and said he thinks he might need to leave me.
I knew Friday he was going to react poorly... but I guess I'm looking for insight. This isn't new to me, but this level of grief for him is new, so I'm super afraid of making it worse.
I have no control of if he's coming home or not, but I don't want to make it worse...
I'm heartbroken for these people, him, and myself

 

[Freida]

wow.... that is tough. Losing someone from your public safety family is a lot like losing someone in the military because its the "us against them" mentality. It hits everyone really hard - even those who didn't know them or were from a different area - fire, police, ems, dispatch. I get triggered every time a cop gets killed no matter what department they are from. Lately that's been a problem since their have been so many ( ahhh....note to self - investigate if that is part of my last isolation.???? hmmm)

I know I don't do grief well because I'm trained to stuff it down and move on - and I'm guessing that's his training also.
For me when something happens I won't react for 72 hours - then I blow a gasket. Hubby can set the calendar by it. My go to has always been to run and/or isolate. I have to get away from the feelings and for me that means physically relocating. If grief is the trigger I have to get away because I can't stand people - even hubby- seeing me like that. I'm getting better about it (3 years of counseling!) but it will probably always be my first instinct.

And yea--- I have lashed out at hubby at those times with the whole I don't like you and I'm miserable and it's your fault thing. I'm not sure why ....maybe because if I can convince myself it's his fault I can leave without guilt? Or fighting with him takes my attention off what's really bothering me? Sometimes the "whatever" is just the last straw and it might trigger me for a whole avalanche of things that have nothing to do with him.

I wish I could give you some ideas but as I look back over the times I've done that I have no idea what he did that got me to come home. Or even if he did anything..... It's all kind of blurry. The one thing he I know he does is not try to prevent me from going. All he asks is that I check in once a day. Well -- ok this year he made me take a baby sitter but that's my annual running away so it doesn't really count - we know that is coming. I'm usually only gone a few days until I can calm down and come home. I think I just wear myself out.....??

I'm so sorry you are both going thru this and wish I had better ideas for you.... Hopefully some of the other sufferers will chime in....

 

[NaeNae75]

wow.... that is tough. Losing someone from your public safety family is a lot like losing someone in th...

Thank you for your insight. He's very much an isolater, and a lot of what you say reminds me of him, that's why I thought to ask you. It's not fun being blamed all of the time... but when he's good, he's pretty damn amazing.
I'd talk more, but I'm completely exhausted. Thank you so much again!

 

[Deleted member 46500]

What is a ghost, besides a Swedish heavy metal band?
What's the difference between a sufferer and a supporter and what if a supporter is also a sufferer, or if a sufferer is also a supporter.

 

[Deleted member 46500]

And where in the world did you all get this terminology?

 

[Sweetpea76]

@wildwumon suffer and supporter are common terms used on this forum, especially in the supporter section, to clarify relationship roles.

 

[Deleted member 46500]

Clear as mud.