General What are they thinking?

[Bananamango]

@EveHarrington
Not sure that worked either....but it is #109 on page 10.

 

[Bananamango]

@Freida

So I've just spent several hours reading this entire 30 page thread and just wanted to add my name to the list of people who are grateful to you (and others) for your honesty and vulnerability here.

You are incredible, funny, insightful, brave, wonderfully self-reflective and very eloquent. Seeing your vivid descriptions of your thought process has helped so immensely. A lot of your behaviors describe things I've seen in my friend, but having an insight into your thought process behind it allows me to see how it all kind of makes perfect sense. And then I can continue to have compassion, take things less personally and not feel resentment.

It has been fascinating for me to see how sufferers and supporters seem to be from slightly different planets, and we're all making assumptions about the other that often turn out to be wrong! It's been neat to see the learning process for everyone. (Sidenote: Was also disturbed to read how many sufferers have had people tell them to 'just get over it.' That's unbelievable to me. Ignorant a--holes.)

I thought your post about us supporters being whack-jobs for sticking around was interesting too. Maybe we are--I've wondered myself sometimes why I stick around with my friend who sometimes almost ignores/avoids me if I run into him, but then is fine the next. He's not my SO and just a friend, so I could just ditch him and run.

So why do we stick around? In my case, I think it's because I've seen the 'good' in him--there is a wonderful, fun central person there, even if he can't always be as nice as I know he wants to be. And none of whatever happened to him was his fault. (I still don't know exactly what he's experienced and don't need to, but in a quick rant, he blurted at least one awful thing he witnessed in Afghanistan that I can't imagine not having some sort of long-lasting impact.) And I definitely care about him and how he's doing. And everyone deserves compassion and love. I would hope that if I was in a similar situation, struggling to keep my head afloat, that people wouldn't just bail on me or judge me.

We like you and recognize wonderful things about you, and you enrich our lives in ways you probably don't even realize. That probably has something to do with why we stick around.

Again, thanks for helping enlighten me. This thread should be one of the first people read if they are new to PTSD, particularly for us confused supporters! I feel a little more prepared and hope I can continue to be an even better friend.

Good luck navigating your way--you are working hard at it and I wish you the best.

 

[EveHarrington]

...but it is #109 on page 10.

Hi, I don’t know how I’m supposed to believe this is “normal” while I can’t be employed by anyone, relationships are incredibly difficult, and basic functionality is incredibly precarious.....it makes me feel incredibly defective. PTSD must have nothing to do with my problems, I guess? If this is normal, it can’t be a disorder (by definition), so all who think this crap is “normal”, please renounce your PTSD diagnosis, stop all trauma therapy, and stop taking medication for symptoms that are “normal”. Having it both ways? The semantics game? Have your cake and eat it too?

 

[Bananamango]

Hi, I don’t know how I’m supposed to believe this is “normal” while I can’...

I think I understand what you're saying. I agree that normal is probably not the right term. (But defining what 'normal' is is also difficult. Who/what is normal?) I was just trying to explain where people who used it might have been coming from.
I'm sorry you are experiencing difficulties. :(

 

[Freida]

I thought your post about us supporters being whack-jobs for sticking around was interesting too

oh wow -- I had totally forgotten about that! Must have been when I was in a mood!

I'm happy it helped! I started that thread on a whim and couldn't be happier with how it turned out. I think you are correct when you say we are from different planets -- and it was so helpful to get some translation going back and forth. I learned so much about what I put my own supporters through that I had never even thought about. It's a lot of "right thing/wrong reason".... It was also good for me to see that other sufferers felt like I did -- something else I had no idea about prior to starting it. That took a lot of pressure off me!

 

[Sighs]

Can we all take a deep breath around the use of the word ‘normal’?

My view is that it is ‘normal’ to develop PTSD in response to a category A trauma. In other words, it is not because of any weakness or fault of the sufferer. That does not mean that PTSD does not severely impair a person’s ability to function ‘normally’.

 

[Freida]

Lol I figure as long as the "normal" scale includes all my whack-jobiness it fits for me! I am normal among those who are like me ...all messed up.....and that works for me . :hug::hug:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

If this is normal, it can’t be a disorder (by definition), so all who think this crap is “normal”, please renounce your PTSD diagnosis, stop all trauma therapy, and stop taking medication for symptoms that are “normal”. Having it both ways? The semantics game? Have your cake and eat it too?

I gathered from @Lindsey J's reply, they were saying that their response to trauma is normal. And that made them feel a bit less abnormal.

I dislike talk about normal people and abnormal people. Trauma isn't normal. A father having sex with his daughter (or a step father with his step daughter) isn't normal. Being raised in a cult isn't normal. [Insert a trauma here] isn't normal. Our response to said trauma, however, is normal. Just like one says that isolation is a normal PTSD response. Or recreating said trauma is a normal reaponse to trauma. Or regression is a normal response to childhood CSA. These responses to trauma are normal. Or you may want to use the words typical or common. But a synonym for both typical and common is normal. Sematics. They mean the exact same thing.

So, that being said. Being that the responses to trauma are normal that makes @Lindsey J feel more normal as a person. And I think we are normal. I don't think symptoms make us abnormal since it's simply a normal response to trauma. The trauma itself is what's abnormal. Not us. Saying we aren't normal is comparing yourself to those that have never had trauma. And well, that's not fair for yourself.

Though, all of that said, there are more days where I feel abnormal but understanding what @Lindsey J is saying is rather comforting for me.

My 2 cents. Take it or leave it.

 

[Freida]

PTSD - A normal response to an abnormal situation.

One (controversial) thing that I was once told was that the people who develop ptsd are the people who had to keep moving forward after experiencing something that was so traumatic it changed their view of the world. And they almost always had to do it on their own. That means that only people who are strong enough to survive are strong enough to develop ptsd

Not everyone likes that definition -- but I find it interesting....

 

[Freida]

Haven't updated here in a bit since my symptoms are more or less under control right now....or at least for this 5 minutes. But a couple days ago the humming started. That's not a good sign. I feel ok...But there is this low level humming...like an electrical charge...running at the bottom of my mind.

It's not really a problem right now....But I think it means things are about to go south because it is uncomfortable. It hasn't stopped..it hasn't gotten worse..it's just....making me ancy and I can't sleep.
Why is it here? What does it mean? Beats the hell out of me.

But it feels familiar ---- and not in a good way. And if I'm being honest I have been chipping at hubby and yelling at SD and hiding in my computer a bit more than usual.....

Hmmmm

 

[lostforgottensoul]

But there is this low level humming...like an electrical charge...running at the bottom of my mind.

I felt that the day I went to work after I hid in the dark being disoccoated (per my therapist) for a day, having flashbacks back to back. That whole day after at work there was a buzzing in my head and the only way to describe it is if you haver ever heard a buzzing of an electrical line. That"s what it felt like. It was horrible. I was on edge the whole day and felt like I was one word from snapping and had such a hard time doing my job. My voice cracked. I was trembling inside and out. Hitting my desk. It was so horrible!

It eased over a few days getting less and less buzzing/humming until it was finally gone. But i couldn distract from it, ease it with self care, imagry, medaphors, 2 count and deep breathing...nothing worked or helped it and I was on edge the entire time. It was horrible!

 

[Freida]

@lostforgottensoul I hate to say it but I'm so happy it's not just me!!!! Sometimes it is so hard to explain what is going on in my messed up little brain. Knowing others struggle with same thing makes me feel so much less like a freak