Parents not validating your diagnosis or past traumas

[InsertCoinsHere]

I've recently returned home to my family to focus on stabilising, I've been here for 2 months now and on my first week I explained to my Mother about my CPTSD diagnosis and how I need support right now so I can focus on getting well and moving my life in the direction of healing and moving on with my life which may be a very gradual process.

I explained where my traumas came from and how they effected me and the psychology behind this so they can get a clearer understanding. Both parents say they understand although don't quite understand mental health as they have not experienced it.

My difficulty is that my parents will trigger me by a) making out I'm the black sheep b) Comparing their Life story to mine and explaining how they just had to get on with life c) not validating my diagnosis, they will accept depression but not CPTSD.. To me this is invalidating and hurtful as it makes me feel like they don't understand or even accept the pain and struggles I've been through to even make it here

Overall all these actions make me not feel accepted, shamed and unloved.. They are asking what's wrong with me and why..Just move on sort of tone.. They aren't asking their son what happened, how did it make you feel, how it makes them feel and what can we do together to get through this...

My family are traditional and quite dysfunctional. I'm finding it very difficult especially when all I want to do is stabilise so everything can begin to settle down and I can truly catch a breath and heal.

I could possibly move up my girlfriends however I'm waiting to begin therapy here.. I'm in debt so I'm unable to move out currently and I cannot handle the additional stress of a full time job in order to earn money. I'm looking to be on government support and gain a part time job to earn some sort of income. Overall I'm finding this world situation very frustrating, stressful and sad as I'm beginning to see how truly dysfunctional my family has been and how I may have to move away to heal.

Have any of you had similar experiences? How did you deal with it? Do you have any recommendations? Thanks.

 

[ladee]

The last place I ever expected support was with my family. They would have to come out of denial and accept they contributed to my crazy life.
You may not have to move , but would certainly see if there were any local support groups you could attend. Sending good energy for a great relationship with your new therapist. Hopefully they know of resources that you can get more outside support.
And of course we are here for you also... just let us know how we can help...

 

[EveHarrington]

Are you sure you’re not reading too much into their tone? I mean they are asking you what’s wrong and why. To me it seems like you are nit picking because they aren’t asking you the exact right questions. To me this says that you aren’t far enough along in healing to realize that nobody is ever going to say exactly what you want them to say, especially people with no mental illness experience. You have to be willing to meet them half way and stop expecting perfection. They are letting you live with them, right? They are asking questions, albeit in an imperfect manner, right?

 

[Justmehere]

Was the trauma childhood abuse? Was your family part of the abuse or didn't prevent the abuse?

 

[ILoveLife]

Have any of you had similar experiences? How did you deal with it? Do you have any recommendations?

Yes, I'm currently in this same situation. Although I do work part time but can't get on disability.
Honestly, its hard. One step forward one step backwards hard. But its doable. It's possible to manage. Takes a whole lot of strength, boundaries and spending time alone.
I recommend literature and light comedies on the spare time.
You'll go bonkers if you put expectations of them stopping being dysfunctional, seriously. I keep getting into and out of denial on that front. Best if you just accept this as a temporary situation.
Good luck. You'll be alright.

 

[Ronin]

they will accept depression

Welcome :)

Well, if they have at least that one *something* they would accept, I would try to lead the discussions in that line of understanding, a.k.a. the symptoms that are either depression or are explainable in ways depression would be, and may overlap.

And go deeper with that: Mom, depression is not just being sad. Dad, just because I do not cry does not mean I am all that here, and it is an illness, I am not just being lazy and spacy bum. And move on, cannot so quick, broken brains are harder darn thing than broken legs, but thanks for caring. .. sort of thing.

 

[InsertCoinsHere]

Thanks all for the support. Yes it was childhood abuse within the family and then parental neglect whereby I was abandoned. (Which is why I get so frustrated and then anger if I don't catch the trigger in time). As many people here that tends to be one trauma of many Ts and further little Ts.

I may be expecting perfection, this is most likely accurate I am a perfectionist something which I'm trying to work on by taking Pete Walkers advice of 'good enough'.. Which applies to myself and others. I am a compassionate being therefore I do understand their struggle and difficulty.. Asking parents that had to toughen up emotionally in order to survive their own traumas to become emotional themselves is an extreme ask. I don't expect this though my inner child wants not to feel abandoned and would love family healing. I do struggle with their denial of the past, and I become frustrated, seeing this as a temporary phase is helpful thanks.

I'm a sensitive person by nature therefore I'm very in touch with my emotions and possibly find it difficult relating to people that aren't so much. Any suggestions on how I could meet my parents half way?

I was thinking of sending them a few lecture videos explaining Developmental trauma and Complex PTSD so they can understand my emotional deregulation, exhaustion and response to stress and why sometimes I have to say no thank you as my stress bucket is full. My mother appeared ok with this suggestion, it's just I don't want to upset her as currently she feels overwhelmed and perceives the whole family weight on her.. It's fair to say currently there's a family crisis due to several events not just my own trauma.

Thank you all for the honest support it's appreciated.