Anyone had to do a genogram?

[ILoveLife]

Hi guys, good morning, night, evening, day, afternoon.

So my new T wants to do a genogram.
It's a genealogical tree with stories of behaviors between family members to understand behavioural patterns and the family dynamic. It should be fun and perhaps triggering, but at this point I'm like what the hell, bring it on.

Problem is I hardly know stories from my family either side. I know as far as grandpa on father's side, not even names of great grandpa or anything. Mom's side I know a bit more, and I think I can ask around.
Father's side there's no way to ask, I cut contact with all of them.

T said it's enough that I understand the dynamics, but I hardly get it, just know how it affects me.

Wondering if anyone has done it, or if anyone has advice.

Thank you!

 

[ben1982]

Not for my own therapy. But i visited my father's therapist once. Together with my sister we did a family session. His therapist had made a genealogical tree. It was very easy to see how some problems were caused in the past. And how the consequences played a role in multiple generations. Personally i think its a great idea. It helped my father's therapist to get a better understanding of the family dynamics. And she really helped my father a great deal. So positive experience.

 

[ILoveLife]

Great! Thanks @ben1982

 

[Friday]

Yep. Done it for myself / my fam... and then in school on other people’s families... in part to show perception bias (subjective attitudes we hold, stereotyping, etc.) and how incomplete data sets can drastically skew perception.

As an example of both... if you hold a strong opinion about the importance of family?

Mother withholds her child from grandparents, doesn’t allow any contact, visitation, or relationship.

- One view of that is that mom is controlling, isolating, & this is a red flag for abuse.
- Complete the data set - WHY is mom restricting access? - Grandparents are pedophiles.
- All of a sudden this isn’t a crazy mom denying her poor child the strength and community of family and relationships; but a good mom, who is protecting her child against very real & lasting harm.

Whether it was doing our own family, or someone else’s our professor was incredibly good at the back and forth thing, getting us to see how our own perceptions and biases were colouring our interpretations of things from start to finish... because it shaped what questions we asked, or failed to ask, and how we interpreted other people’s answers. Especially when people used neutral language / didn’t colour their answers with any kind of emotion, is when our emotions tended to fill in blanks that simply weren’t there, instead of following through with asking rather than assuming.

It was also interesting to see which questions people answered first. When describing someone, was it career, personality type, greatest assets, greatest flaws, their degree of importance to us, relationships to others, social standing, etc.... there tend to be a few “core” questions that most people want answered about someone... that really tells you more about you (and what you value) than them.

The whole process was a crazy useful tool to look inside our own noggins.

 

[ben1982]

Your welcome.
Good luck.

 

[ILoveLife]

Thanks @Friday!

perception bias

Yea, T explained this.
Relating to close family I'm pretty biased towards my well being lol, extended family I'm mostly neutral for lack of better word, perhaps indifferent.

T thinks that stems from getting my toes wet in the dysfunction in very young years. That now it's a big mess inside my head and it will be good to understand why things are the way they are currently, my own reactions.

But thank you. Understood it much better now.

 

[Stephernovas]

Did you figure out how to do this? It’s actually super easy

 

[ILoveLife]

Did you figure out how to do this?

I suppose. Read a bit online about it.
T might want to do things her way, so I'm waiting for upcoming sessions.

 

[Stephernovas]

Do you have a picture of it, or need to ask questions? I learned how to do these in school. Providing your therapist didn’t ask for something extra, feel free to ask me

 

[ILoveLife]

Do you have a picture of it, or need to ask questions?

No and right now not really. I was looking into understanding a bit more about it, @Friday 's explanation was good.
Thank you anyway @Stephernovas

Thank you anyway

 

[Fadeaway]

Wow I am in pressed you know so much about your family. Even if it is just your mother's side. Knowing your grandfather's name on your dad's side is impressive in and of itself.

Your family actually allows you to ask questions? Or do you fear making them mad for asking?

 

[ILoveLife]

Thanks. We were all pretty close before.

Your family actually allows you to ask questions? Or do you fear making them mad for asking?

Depends on the family member. Right now it might not be the best time but I've got no chicken in that fight so the worst that can happen is people refusing to answer, right? :)