Dom Violence I'm really struggling - lonely & sad without abusive ex. how long is the grieving going to take?

[Slushie]

I will :)

 

[Friday]

How long is the grieving supposed to take? It feels as if it's going on forever and I feel it's killing me. I don't know how to cope with this.

I avoid telling my therapist because I don't want her to worry about me or think I'm weak.

(I may have missed it, if you have, my apologies).

Have you talked with your therapist about this, yet? It’s exactly the kind of thing they can really help with!

 

[Slushie]

Thanks @Friday, I'm going to try a different therapist because the current one is not so good recently, she has been talking about her own life too much in sessions and I feel unable to ask her to stop doing that. She's good otherwise but hearing about her partner and kids is triggering for me, mostly because I am still very lonely.

I have good days and bad days now but I feel I've progressed a bit since I started this thread.

 

[Teasel]

Sounds like a good decision to change T's @Slushie :-)

Don't mind me if you've already done this but did you try local DV services to see if they have a drop in or group for those who've left abusive partners?
Best x

 

[Slushie]

Yeah my current therapist does specialise in DV but there are other places I can try. No group support though, absolutely zero, I am sad about this as I feel talking to people IRL who have been through this would be very helpful.

I have thought about asking my current therapist to stop the oversharing of her own life but because I have shown an interest from her first doing it, I feel it would be rude to suddenly ask her to stop it now.

At times it really feels like she needs therapy herself. I feel bad for even saying that.

 

[Teasel]

as I feel talking to people IRL who have been through this would be very helpful.

Sorry to hear, I wonder I'd there are online groups or forums?

I have thought about asking my current therapist to stop the oversharing of her own life but because I have shown an interest from her first doing it, I feel it would be rude to suddenly ask her to stop it now.

I can understand this being difficult - therapy's pretty difficult itself let alone needing to bring up something like this.

Do you like the T otherwise?

 

[Slushie]

Yeah I've tried women's aid forum but I didn't get many responses there, not sure if there are others. I'm finding a lot of the help out there is more how to get out of the abusive relationship as opposed to how to cope after that.

Yeah she is a good therapist otherwise, I just really need her to stop saying things that make me feel so much lonelier.

 

[Teasel]

I'm finding a lot of the help out there is more how to get out of the abusive relationship as opposed to how to cope after that.

Sod's law. All I could find when I was looking for help getting away from my partner was help for people who'd already left

Yeah she is a good therapist otherwise, I just really need her to stop saying things that make me feel so much lonelier.

Do you reckon you might be able to write down something about it? Maybe just explain it makes you feel lonely?

 

[Slushie]

Now that is ironic! :(

I think I might just try to tell her, I think I'm ashamed of myself for still feeling lonely and being alone most of the time. But realistically, this is one of the toughest things anyone can go through in life. I need to stop being hard on myself.

Unfortunately, because my therapist told me about her life, it's pretty obvious to me that she is very busy and I now have this added thing on my mind that she really doesn't have the time to even care how I'm getting on or not.

I'm also now feeling like family members are taking advantage of me. They make me feel like I am better off being alone most of the time anyway.

I feel vulnerable all over again.

 

[Teasel]

But realistically, this is one of the toughest things anyone can go through in life. I need to stop being hard on myself

For sure :hug:

Unfortunately, because my therapist told me about her life, it's pretty obvious to me that she is very busy and I now have this added thing on my mind that she really doesn't have the time to even care how I'm getting on or not

You know that could just be a negative interpretation right? Hope you do talk it out with her :hug:

I feel vulnerable all over again.

:hug:
It must be tough. I'm planning to leave my partner very soon and sometimes feel quite frightened st the prospect.
Best X

 

[Mach123]

I want to be abused consciously and unconsciously so its mind boggling to try and think about anyone else, I'd just go get another one and make them do the same things to me. I was thinking yesterday how I'm surrounded by my trauma since I have a lot of family around and they're all symptomatic to one degree or other. I've never been alone though and when I was, I don't even like thinking about it? I have to be in love whatever it looks like. I hope someone nice comes along. Nothing else ever really mattered to me.

 

[Slushie]

You know that could just be a negative interpretation right?

Yeah I think you're right, I will talk to her about it.

I really hope it will run smoothly for you when the time comes, have you planned out as much as you can? Does your partner know you you're going to leave? I wish you good luck xxx