Infant parts and how to care for them?

[Deleted member 47099]

So, often when I get tired/ exhausted after a long day (like today), I'll suddenly/ instantly be in a brain state where "normal life" feels like such a foreign concept.

I used to think it was me at about age 2, but I'm starting to think it's even lots younger than that.

I think it's more like an infant part?

This part/ brain state feels like pure "being" and zero "doing".
It's like this part doesn't even understand concepts like "morning, midday, afternoon, evening, night".
Or things like making a plan and acting on it.
Or interacting with human beings.
It feels completely passive.
Like an infant just observing the world - looking at the pretty colours and the things that move and make sounds.
Not understanding any cause and effect stuff.
Not understanding the purpose or intent of anything.
Not caring whether A, B or C happens, because whatever happens, happens and is there even a difference other than different pretty colours and different sounds and different things moving?
It's like the world is a pretty kaleidoscope and I'm just silently, distantly watching the colour and shapes in an "oh yeah pretty" kinda way.

It's kind of a peaceful state, really.
Except that my life/ most situations don't really cater to that.
So usually there is a conflict between "situation demands/ requires something" and the passive infant-like "just existing"...
And that conflict between what is and what should be can feel quite distressing.

I'm wondering whether others get these infant parts/ brain states too and if so, how do you "care" for them, i.e. how do you do self-care that's appropriate to that developmental level?

Usually, when I'm in that state, concepts like self-care don't even begin to make sense in my head, obviously. Try explaining "self-care" to an infant :confused::rolleyes:

It happens quite often tho (it happened this evening) and I'd like to find some good self-care options that work for this part/ state.

All I've thought of just now is letting this infant part watch kaleidoscope videos on youtube
The Splendor of Color Kaleidoscope Video v1.4 (This is v1.3 through a Photoshop Oil Paint Filter)
and that is actually really soothing.

Sometimes I love watching fractal zoom videos, but I just tried it and my infant part finds that really disconcerting, but thinks the kaleidoscope ones are pretty and safe and soothing.

Any other ideas for infant parts?

Thanks! :)

Edit: Just remembered that years ago, I would have a lava lamp for this soothing effect. Maybe I'll buy one. I love watching the bubbles form, float, break, re-join, form anew...

Maybe I'll get one of those lamps for babies that "turns" where pretty lights are slowly projected on the ceiling in an swirly, turning thing, too?

 

[Anana]

Oh, @Sophy, you have just described it do accurately. Today I had a completely empty day because of this " infant being". And you are right it is so so young that I can't even say that I am a child then. Because a child at least wants smth. Today the whole day I was forcing myself to feel at least smth. I did a lot of good things that usually inspire me but that -the hell- (I call it "substacnce") just observed my misery. You asked how to care about it? All that help is a sleep ( and it is not connected with my lack of sleep because I had it enough and wasn't sleepy) but it is the only thing that satisfies that substance of me. Because I literally tried a lot of various activities and nothing helps. Only after some sleep (it can last even 10 min) it somehow "resets" and I wake up and feel just depressed but at least either older or an adult.

 

[shimmerz]

Any other ideas for infant parts?

Yes, I have an infant part or 5. One of the reasons I have never self harmed or tried suicide is because my most damaged part is an infant. Who has no freaking idea she has a body.

I have gotten great results using Feldenkrais (just on Youtube) and watching how babies embody themselves.

 

[Deleted member 47099]

Oh, @Sophy, you have just described it do accurately. Today I had a completely empty d...

Yes, Anana, I agree that sleep is a huge soothing factor in this. I guess given how much infants sleep, it must just be something important and soothing for them :)

I can also vaguely feel a yearning to have a big benevolent presence taking care of things... I guess like a parent takes care of everything for an infant... The feeling that "someone else" is doing everything that needs to be done.

Also, it would be nice to have a big benevolent presence slowly, calmly explaining the world... Pointing to things and saying soothingly "That's a bookshelf. You put books inside it. Books are full of people's ideas and full of stories they thought of..." Things like that...

 

[shimmerz]

it would be nice to have a big benevolent presence slowly, calmly explaining the world...

Have you tried incorporating this presence while you find yourself in infant state? Like, literally attempt to converse with it so that you can get the 'part' past its present developmental milestone?

 

[Deleted member 47099]

Yes, I have an infant part or 5. One of the reasons I have never self harmed or tried suicide is beca...

Thanks Shimmerz, it's good to know others have infant parts too :)

Have you tried incorporating this presence while you find yourself in infant state? Like, literally attempt to converse with it so that you can get the 'part' past its present developmental milestone?

That's a lovely idea, thank you.
I've done this spontaneously a few times, just from instinct.
I don't think I'm very good at remembering to do it tho, so that's a good thing to practise. :)