How did you decide to go on disability?

[LuckiLee]

My guy has been having a really bad time for about 2 months with depression. And since 9-11 it's gotten scary. He hates everything about himself right now and he's not "snapping" out of it. He would normally have a bad week here and there then start back on the upswing. This is different....... His job is doing a number on him. Let's face it, they're a shady company. He's very marketable. Could get a job easily. Yet he doesn't look for one. He's been with them 5 years now. Probably the longest position he's had since the military. Anyways. There's a lot more to it but I don't think he can work and keep his sh*t together anymore. He says all the time "this job is killing me ". He was on disability about 10-12 years ago for PTSD. He fought with the VA to be able to work again. He was able bodied and didn't want to milk the system. (Yeah, the one that is there to help people just like him). Go figure. He's 100% for PTSD alone. Not to mention all of his other injuries. He tried to get it again when he got back home 7 years ago but he never followed up on it and I have no idea what became of it. Last I heard it was on a desk in D.C. So. Basically. I have no idea what to do. Not a freakin clue. How bout you? XO

 

[Lionheart]

Just a guess here, but I would try to follow up on the paperwork that is on a desk in D.C. and see if he can re-evaluated for disability.

When I first started seeing a therapist, I was ill. A year into it and I could no longer stand on my own two feet at work, so my "t" suggested I apply for disability. Within 5 months I was declared disabled. I have been disabled since late 1998, but officially I wasn't declared disabled until the year 2000. That makes 19 years this January.

I hate to say it, but I am better off being disabled than when I was working because I had no medical insurance, and I was stuck in a dead end job. No benefits, no vacation time, no sick leave., etc.

Now, I have a doctor that actually comes to my house and works with me to better my health....I make almost the same amount of money that I did when I was working and I also have Medicare and Medicaid to pay for my mental and physical health care.

I think that if he needs it he should go for it...

I hope that I was somehow helpful,
I wish you both the best,
Lionheart

 

[LuckiLee]

Thanks Lion! I have to bring up the conversation but he's in such a bad place right now. It won't go over well. Ugh!

 

[Freida]

I'm confused --- Is he still 100%? Then he should still have it....???
Get a VSO -- he can find one thru the American legion, the DAV or the VA. They will figure out where he is in the process and help track down all the paperwork and get him back into the system. They are great for doing all the stressful stuff. I had a tough time with my initial interview but after that it was pretty easy.

Giving up my job and going on disability was one of the hardest, ugliest, most shame inducing thing I have almost ever done (and ya know I think I've done some shameful shit :) ) so I'm guessing its going to be tough on him too.
But. I was so bad off by that point I was barely functioning. Hubby wanted me to look for a less stressful job but I was barely making it thru the day. There were no brain cells left to give to a job hunt.

When I finally applied I couldn't believe I was going to be one of "them." Those people who just give up. And my disability was thru my employer so they got to know way more than I was comfortable with. Plus I was doing VA disability at the same time. It was pretty much a shit storm. And it just kept reminding me how much I pathetic I was because I just couldn't suck it up and keep going

But. It was the best decision I've made in a long time. A.long.time. If he is considering it at all try to get him to follow thru. Is he still going to therapy? Maybe he can talk it over with his therapist and she can help with the reasons quitting would be a good idea? My biggest challenges were getting ok with the idea of quitting and then accepting help.

If you can get him to discuss those two things? You've won half the battle

 

[LuckiLee]

So we had a conversation about it..... J: I fu**Ing hate this place (his job). #$%@ 0&?# @^£&( (&\a*!!!!!! Fu*k. Me: Maybe you should follow up on your disability? Work is really difficult right now. You deserve to take care of yourself. XYZ is sucking the life out of you. And they don't gaf. ( deep breath, fingers crossed). J: Wtf. What do you think I've been doing? Since I worked there (the VA). Everything's pending or some sh*t. I don't fu**ing know!! WTF!!!!!! LOL. Yeah. It went over like a lead balloon. I'll keep trying. Thanks guys. I wish I could follow up on it for him but we're not married so....

 

[Freida]

Everything's pending or some sh*t. I don't fu**ing know!! WTF!!!!!!

stubborn ass.. (oh yea - hes my twin :) ) I soooo get it. I'm pretty sure hubby was on your side of a couple of those conversations

Any chance of getting his T to suggest it? Or maybe the folks at the vet center? I think if you can get it thru his thick head that the VSO will do all the work for him and he won't have to deal with it you might get him going????

 

[LuckiLee]

Update. He quit his job today....they had been promising him the day shift position forever and just lying and BSing him for YEARS. Told him today they WON'T do it. He said fine. F. U.!! They're screwed. No one can do what he does which is why they want him on second shift. F*ckers!!! Sooo. I keep mentioning that he should talk with his T about this. He says T is up to date with what's going on. LuckiLee ;) he has an appt. on Monday. I know he's freakin out. I am too. But I told him I have all the faith in the world in him and things will be okay. He'll find a job and in the mean time I'm hoping to have him follow up with the VA. I mentioned the VSO briefly, I'll mention it again. I'm also gonna write a list of places and people to contact. I'll do the research for my Babylove. Thanks @Freida. I WISH I could have J call you. You'd be a perfect guru for him! You know how I know this? Cuz you're mine. :) xoxoxo

 

[LuckiLee]

@Freida, I found the vso. Which department should he go to? I believe he went through the VFW at the VA. But there's other organizations... American Legion? American veterans? Disabled American veterans? Or follow up with the VFW? They're all in the same building. I told him "I give you one day to be upset about this, you hated it there and the people are immoral and corrupt. Good riddance!" I'm hoping I can get him to talk about it with his T on Monday then go to the Federal building and at the very least check it out. Walk in. Walk out. Whatever. The thing is though. He wants to work. And I'm the one who thinks maybe he's not healthy enough. People will piss him off everywhere. LOL. But at least he'll be on the day shift. And get a better sleep cycle. Ahhhggghhh!!! (stay calm LuckiLee, don't freak him out) Breathe. ✌

 

[Freida]

If he's already listed with the vfw then it would be easiest if you stayed with them. Then he doesn't have to go back thru the paperwork giving them permission to work with you. That is ....as long as he had a positive experience with them. If it didn't go well it's ok to swap. They are all trained the same - I go thru the American legion and they have been good.

What you could do is offer to call them and ask if he is still in their active files. You might need his social to do that...I can't remember. Just let them know he is going to be looking for a vso and you were helping him check. It's not a big privacy question so they should be able to talk to you about that

you might also remind him that he can work on va disability --- it's there for a back up should he need it and to take the pressure off to find a higher paying job. And of course all the other benefits he can get...like healthcare...again making the job hunt easier. They will even help him find a job! If he's 100% that complicates things but we can talk about that once we get his stubborn butt in the door! :laugh:

You'd be a perfect guru for him! You know how I know this? Cuz you're mi

You are so sweet! I'm so happy I can help....cause I owe you!!!! :hug:

 

[Freida]

Sooooo -- -Hows my brother from another mother??? And you??

 

[Changing4Best]

My guy has been having a really bad time...How bout you? XO

I was homeless and in an abusive relationship. Disability solved the homelessness, but I had to get the courage to then leave the relationship. That took longer. (ie: getting Disability might not make him leave his job, he might still want to stay there or not have the courage to leave). He could cut his hours and still work there and receive Disability, see?

 

[LuckiLee]

Aww. Thanks for asking @Freida. I'm good. I guess. He had a couple of really bad days though. If I could keep him away from his brother C, that'd be great!! His depression was already there so quitting his job upped the self loathing. He really struggles with the things he's had to do (as everyone else here does too) but these were things he's done to others while most of the people here were on the receiving end of "things".... Today was a good day. He's feeling a bit better not having the stress of dealing with work. He still thinks he should keep working and is actively searching for employment. I do keep mentioning "benefits" and not disability. However, it's not clicking. ;) I'll keep you posted. Much love and hugs to you. XO