Pivot Points - Central Themes In Managing Your PTSD

[Tinyflame]

Yes @IceQueencop , absolutely.

And not just a safe relationship having the meaning- but the horribleness of the opposite seemingly-perception (ugh- do not have words for it).

I still have to say too it's visceral, to me, it's not about cognition entirely, about being safe. I do unsafe things to avoid the 'feeling' or reaction to, other 'unsafe' environments, I think it's what's behind 'bolting'. Without tuning it down I simply can't get to another level. It's like someone has set my body on fire, or being faced with a tsunami. At a low level if there's a word it's like a bleeding feeling of horror approaching (though I know that sounds stupid, that's just the 'feeling', and like 'I know this, I've been ~here before'. Maybe fear + overwhelm?)

Like I have a previously abused 80 lb dog, I think she was trapped outside in bad weather, she still in storms/ wind tries to run out of the house in to it, or crawl down the floor vent. :(

Oops, missed edit. :(

Come to think of it, what works best there is trying to stay/ 'feel' calm, because I am scared of storms but dogs go by your feelings, even down/ through a leash, and holding her laying on the floor with '6 hours of music for puppies with separation anxiety' classical/ with strange but pleasant 'zinger' etc sounds added playing in the background. We usually both fall asleep! :wideeyed:

 

[IceQueencop]

@Friday- the feeling of impending doom! OMG! Yes! And then it’s almost a relief when something bad happens, cuz you feel less crazy? Like feeling that way was completely justified, and then you can say, “I knew it!”

 

[Tinyflame]

@IceQueencop I just thought of this- hadn't realized @Friday said impending doom- I almost wrote the same words. From what I learned recently, maybe it is an irregular heartbeat setting it off? It can be transitory; someone said ages ago a feeling of impending doom can be related to heart. But it also interferes with oxygen uptake/ there can be difficulty breathing. Maybe that is what starts the whole thing going?

Similarly, I now think I might have figured out the reason for night sweats, because doctors couldn't even 25+ years ago- maybe bad distal circulation, especially if you sweat in the upper body/ torso only, not just after drinking, and can recall nightmares.

Just a thought, anyway! Brain involvement but body overload taking the reins? :confused:

 

[IceQueencop]

@Junebug, it’s possible that a physical issue is setting it off. For me, it was more about learning to read other people’s body language, and fearing their next move based on how they held themselves. It’s hard to know sometimes what the triggers are, though. Maybe even time of year, or weather.

 

[Tinyflame]

it was more about learning to read other people’s body language

Oh @IceQueencop , yes for me as well. That is, (other than trying to sleep- even then it could be the thoughts), it's situational: language, expressions, feedback. So who knows what perceptions or sensory data, or triggers, participate in leading to the reactions, thoughts, and then conclusions? But it's definitely situational, so I think it causes the physical more than is precipitated by it (for me), I think. Otherwise, I would think it should be random and everywhere or at any/ most times, or affected by physical stress output, etc. (I run around and work all day or night generally without it, if I can keep a psychological inward distance from others or triggers). So my guard is down, when it hits me. That is maybe the scariest part?

s. It’s hard to know sometimes what the triggers are, though. Maybe even time of year, or weather

Yes, so if we can't necessarily identify at the time, or at all, the triggers, if we can at some point know our 'themes', we can see maybe what either set it off, or know what logically will follow, if nothing else. Then, maybe, we can use our positive themes, or flip the connotation to either over-ride it, or just not react so much to it, Maybe if nothing else tell ourselves I will decide in 24 hours, or 48, or one week. Because at that point we could have at least the conversation with our brain, to turn down the alarm. Or remind ourself this is quite 'normal' for ptsd. But, doesn't necessarily make it accurate, or acceptable. It might be, but the only one thing that makes me feel like it is not is: then why would we be surprised by it? If we had evidence the worst would happen, why would we be there? Or more so, why would we be taken aback? I think it's more than just mistrust; maybe the amygdala primes us for expecting the worst, and we are looking for that? Idk. But at some point you have to trust, either in others, or yourself, and some environments. And be able to say, I do know, by specific past experience, not just the worst past experiences, and trust or not.

 

[Friday]

If your trauma was not from someone close to you, in a relationship with you, a safe relationship may not mean as much to you.

it doesn’t mean anything to me. Because it’s not real. There’s no such thing as a safe relationship.

If I needed a person or a relationship to be “safe”? I wouldn’t have any people in my life, nor relationships.

I sometimes don’t, anyway, but for different reasons.

@Friday, can you think of your subconscious as a part of you that only wants to 1)seek pleasure and 2) avoid pain? If you can see ‘safe’ as avoiding pain, does that help you to connect?

Nope.

It’s a fundamental disbelief in the idea that “safe” is real.

Much like the tooth fairy.

Feelings, on the other hand, are a totally different thing.

I can feel safe... but that doesn’t mean that a bomb won’t go off, a car won’t broadside me, the person next to me won’t be shot, etc. It doesn’t matter how safe I feel, that doesn’t make the reality safe. Shit happens.

It also doesn’t matter if I know there’s danger. I can feel safe as houses in the middle of a firefight, because I trust the man at my hip. Doesn’t mean there aren’t rounds in the air. Ditto, I can sleep next to a man who has tried to kill me. Feeling perfectly safe. But certainly not because I trust him.

Conversely, feeling unsafe? Doesn’t mean there is a lick of danger for miles, much less that it’s going to happen. 2 different things, that, access & probability.

And then there are the halfsies. Where the same durn thing hits both the safe & unsafe buttons at the same time. Like brick buildings. Great to take cover behind if someone is shooting at you, but I’ve crawled through too much rubble pulling bodies out to ever feel safe inside of one. They’re one earthquake away -or concussive blast- from being nothing more than a pile of broken rock. So both feelings hit at the same time. Unless situationally something is making one more likely than the other.

Feeling safe is nice and all, but to me that’s all it is. A feeling that has little to no basis in reality.

And since there’s no reality? I’m not really bothered by it. And it’s not something I seek out or avoid. Just like I’m not really bothered by the tooth fairy not being real. And don’t seek out the tooth fairy, or try and avoid the tooth fairy.

I appreciate the effort, truly... but like I said, it’s just not a thing for me.

***
ETA... Just to be super clear, I’m not knocking anyone else needing or wanting “safe” in their lives. People need different things, have different histories, different belief systems. That it’s not real for me doesn’t mean it’s not real for someone else. Like religion. It doesn’t have to be real for me, to be very real -and necessary- for someone else.

 

[Tinyflame]

Feeling safe is nice and all, but to me that’s all it is. A feeling that has little to no basis in reality.

And since there’s no reality? I’m not really bothered by it. And it’s not something I seek out or avoid. Just like I’m not really bothered by the tooth fairy not being real. And don’t seek out the tooth fairy, or try and avoid the tooth fairy.

I love this ^^, and I get this! Because I know that too, so there's a dichotomy when seeking out what can never be assured, or found. And as you said, it's just a 'feeling', which makes me think of that saying: "Reality is 99% perception". But it isn't, at all. Reality is reality, and managing negative feelings is just that- managing feelings. Feelings aren't facts.

Thank you Friday :)

 

[EveHarrington]

Where most people are in the middle of emotional spectrums, people with PTSD are on the very negative end of the spectrum.

I wouldn’t say that we are in the “negative” end of the emotional spectrum as emotions/feelings aren’t good/bad/positive/negative, rather I’d say that we are on the disregulated end of the spectrum. “Negative” makes it appear that we are wrong/bad, when that’s not the case. We just have a more difficult time regulating our emotions. I have plenty of disregulated so-called “positive” emotions, which is part of why regulating is so hard for me. People are attracted to that fun/off the wall/unpredictable side of me and I don’t want to lose that!

 

[Friday]

@Friday- the feeling of impending doom! OMG! Yes! And then it’s almost a relief when something bad happens, cuz you feel less crazy? Like feeling that way was completely justified, and then you can say, “I knew it!”

LMAO... I’ve said it before but I don’t think I said it in this thread?

It’s one of the most difficult aspects to explain to people with both combat & DV/abuse. The waiting. OMFG. And the longer it goes, the better things are? <Shudder> The worse it’s going to be. Especially those crystal clear moments of pure unadulterated beauty. It’s like there’s a 6th sense that lives in the future, sees everything go to hell, and tries to capture the last moment of beauty right before shit kicks off. Tragedy? Always seems to strike out of clear blue skies.

Boredom & things going right? HUGE stressors.

Things are about to go verr verr badly.

Which ties right back into themes <cough> The lengths that I have gone to, to avoid boredom or to sabotage things “just a leeeeetle bit” :bag: It’s an illusion of control, but still one of the ways I exercise it.

 

[ILoveLife]

Boredom & things going right? HUGE stressors.

Rightyo!

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes that's certainly the 100% truth.

I guess what gets me is, for me personally I've always had to rely on feelings, and usually my feelings were right. Or I wouldn't be here. And I regretted when I didn't rely on them. Maybe I haven't paid attention to when they were wrong though, Idk.

 

[piratelady]

This is an interesting post. Lately I’ve had almost a craving to feel cared for and protected. Like I need to desperately.