EMDR Monday - Conflicted & Uncertain & Dealing With Transferance

[Snowflake]

On Monday I’m suppose to do EMDR on an uncomfortable, awful sexual abuse memory with my father. I did write about it so my therapist knows but now it’s time to process it. Ugh!
I do have the option to read what I wrote too. Unfortunately I don’t know what I should do. I want my therapist to be proud of me so succeeding is important to me. I just don’t think I will succeed. I hate always thinking about her and her feelings and thoughts about my therapy and my trauma. Transference/attachment sucks! This weekend I’ve felt like I should quit therapy. This weekend I have felt she’s putting up more walls/boundaries because she knows I’m attached. I think I’m losing her and it not only scares me but it angers me.

 

[Freida]

I want my therapist to be proud of me so succeeding is important to me.

Succeeding in emdr means showing up.
Yep. Just getting your butt into the chair.
That's all you have to accomplish for her to be proud of you
EMDR is hard, it's exhausting, its frustrating and terrifying
And it is absolutely worth it
Want her to be proud of you?
Commit to 24 hours of self care afterwards.
Because that's where people screw up -- usually out of stubbornness
follow her instructions to the letter -- don't fight her on them. And that's going to be easier said than done! :laugh:

Doing emdr requires her to keep a bit of distance from you ... it has nothing to do with how she feels about you. And no - she doesn't feel badly about you because of your trauma. She feels proud of you for being willing to do the work to recover. That's how you tell a good T from a crappy one. :hug:

 

[Wendell_R]

This weekend I have felt she’s putting up more walls/boundaries because she knows I’m attached. I think I’m losing her and it not only scares me but it angers me.

I think her boundaries are there to be sure the two of you can have a continuing, productive relationship. It's a way of acknowledging the attachment and making sure the attachment doesn't derail the therapy. So to me, her boundaries are not a sign that you are losing her.

What EMDR requires from me most on the day of the session is a commitment to work with my therapist to the best of my abilities. Your therapist knows how hard that can be, and she's proud of you going to hard places.

 

[Skywatcher]

On Monday I’m suppose to do EMDR on an uncomfortable, awful sexual abuse memory with my father. I did write about it so my therapist knows but now it’s time to process it. Ugh!
I do have the option to read what I wrote too. Unfortunately I don’t know what I should do. I want my therapist to be proud of me so succeeding is important to me. I just don’t think I will succeed. I hate always thinking about her and her feelings and thoughts about my therapy and my trauma. Transference/attachment sucks! This weekend I’ve felt like I should quit therapy. This weekend I have felt she’s putting up more walls/boundaries because she knows I’m attached. I think I’m losing her and it not only scares me but it angers me.

Omg, are you sure that you aren’t me? Everything in your post, I could have written , except you have to substitute “friend’s dad” for your own. How can we be living such a double experience right now? One thing my T did say a few weeks ago is that child abuse survivors tend to develop a need to please approach to life. Part of our survival skills.

 

[Snowflake]

Omg, are you sure that you aren’t me? Everything in your post, I could have written , except you have to substitute “friend’s dad” for your own. How can we be living such a double experience right now? One thing my T did say a few weeks ago is that child abuse survivors tend to develop a need to please approach to life. Part of our survival skills.

Mine has said that too. Glad we are similar

 

[Skywatcher]

@Snowflake
Mine stopped communicating with me between sessions. She says that she knows that it is hard, but it will help things in the future and she wouldn’t be a good therapist if we continued the way it was going. I hate it so much.

 

[Snowflake]

@Snowflake
Mine stopped communicating with me between sessions. She says that she knows that it is hard, but it will help things in the future and she wouldn’t be a good therapist if we continued the way it was going. I hate it so much.

Ugh! I’m sorry! Mine has discontinued the Tuesday check in call as of 2 weeks ago. It upsets me. I feel like I’m being pushed away even though my “adult me” understands. However now, I’m afraid she’s going to take away my 2nd session next. (Thursday’s)

 

[hithere]

Doesn't sound like she has created a safe space for you, especially fearing your next appointment will be taken away.

I had very similar things happen to me right when I was supposed to be doing the "processing" part of trauma--all the reasons you list, too, such as saying we would do a check in between sessions, but then conveniently not following through. I just quit. It's just not worth the suffering it stirs up. I decided i'm fine.

 

[Skywatcher]

@Snowflake its funny, I was going to ask mine tomorrow, if once my second session is gone, if I could have a check in call or email scheduled on Thursdays. (I will only go on Monday). We used to do random email throughout the week. Then she said that was causing me extra anxiety because it was unpredictable and my mind went really bad places if she didn’t respond. So now, I can write her, but she won’t respond until sessions. On normal weeks and vacations, I am adjusting and okay. I’m just really afraid of a bad emdr/trauma session. Usually I can handle it on my own, but will she be there if I have a bad one? Will she be safety net 3? Another thought I had, if she doesn’t want to check in, is a planned response if I write “important” in the subject line? I am really good about not abusing stuff like this. We have had 3.5 phone calls in the last 1.5 years. It would be an email/phone emergency option.
I’m just so upset about all of her stupid changes. I hope yours works out. It would be really funny if we somehow have the same T.

 

[Snowflake]

@Snowflake its funny, I was going to ask mine tomorrow, if once my second session is gone, if I could have a check in call or email scheduled on Thursdays. (I will only go on Monday). We used to do random email throughout the week. Then she said that was causing me extra anxiety because it was unpredictable and my mind went really bad places if she didn’t respond. So now, I can write her, but she won’t respond until sessions. On normal weeks and vacations, I am adjusting and okay. I’m just really afraid of a bad emdr/trauma session. Usually I can handle it on my own, but will she be there if I have a bad one? Will she be safety net 3? Another thought I had, if she doesn’t want to check in, is a planned response if I write “important” in the subject line? I am really good about not abusing stuff like this. We have had 3.5 phone calls in the last 1.5 years. It would be an email/phone emergency option.
I’m just so upset about all of her stupid changes. I hope yours works out. It would be really funny if we somehow have the same T.

That would be funny. Mine would never let me email though. I hate change. I may ask her today if she’s thinking taking my Thursdays away too. Ugh. I mean it would open a slot for another potential client.

 

[Skywatcher]

@Snowflake how did it go today? I learned a new containment tool called library today. Currently, today’s session is being stored in a horror book. I’ve been trying to store the panic and feelings in there through out my day, not sure if it is working, but it helps.

 

[Snowflake]

@Snowflake how did it go today? I learned a new containment tool called library today. Currently, today’s session is being stored in a horror book. I’ve been trying to store the panic and feelings in there through out my day, not sure if it is working, but it helps.

Interesting.

Actually I had a minor car accident and missed my appointment. She’s getting me in later today. I’ll let you know how it goes