Relationship No intimacy, denies we are in relationship. Need advice!

[Butterfly64]

Well, there's your answer. Just like how people fall in love, they can fall out of love too.

This has not changed, correct? He still isn't getting help?
If you've been reading the site as you say you have been, you will have seen many of us saying this same thing over and over. It won't change until he starts getting help.

Good idea.


Agreed.

Seems he agrees with this as well. It's not fair to shove him into a relationship you both know is going to be unhealthy and dysfunctional. Take your own advice, let him go.


Sigh... Yeah we're all incapable of civilised behaviour... :rolleyes:

Thanks for answering He is still in love with me...which makes it so hard to leave...he really is a good guy. And no...he has no energy for getting help...and I cannot force him into a relationship. By the way...do you know if it is possible to delete a post in here?

 

[Neverthesame]

Questions regarding forum matters are done using the Contact Staff link.

 

[Nessa7]

Fear of intimacy might be one part of it, but another explanation could be that he craves the chaos. He may be craving the stress and anxiety from his old work environment and be finding it in his romantic relationships.

 

[Butterfly64]

He loves intimacy, but fears acting upon it...that if he opens up to it, he loses self control and plunges into official relationship. He is surviving on a day to day basis and has no energy for “relationship problems” especially expectations. He feels guilty towards me all the time....not being able to deliver on relationship. He feels guilty for not spending enough time with his family and friends. Keep in mind that his back injury gives him severe pain on daily basis, so he spends a lot of time lying down.
He actually hates drama...he never raises his voice.
I have pushed him too far too many times...I realize that now, having read posts from PTSD sufferes...had I known that before, I would never have pushed him. To be honest with you...each time he opened up to intimacy,...took two steps forward, I would want more like NOW...so I pushed him...and he would take three steps back.

 

[Butterfly64]

Questions regarding forum matters are done using the Contact Staff link.

Thanks...but that does not work

 

[Butterfly64]

Thanks...but that does not work

It actually worked...thanks

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

I always struggle with these posts. I feel like, often on these forums, I see posts about people wanting other people to date them, and blaming PTSD when that person states they do not want to be in a relationship with the poster.

I'm projecting a bit, because I've been the one with PTSD saying that I want to be single, and having the other party tell me that I don't really want that, because I'm just mentally ill. Turns out, I really just did want to be single. It had nothing to do with PTSD and everything to do with my own personal place in life, with my priorities, with my freedom. It isn't always about PTSD.

He wants to be single, no intimacy, few and short meetings,

He says this. I would accept it at face value. He wants to be single. Plain and simple. That means not in a relationship with you - PTSD or not. It is possible, and it sounds rather probably, that he just wants to be single, and there is nothing you can do except accept his choice.

and that some of you can offer me some advice....run or stay....?

We are offering you advice. It seems the consensus is to run.

 

[LuckiLee]

I have a question. Is he in therapy?

 

[Butterfly64]

I always struggle with these posts. I feel like, often on these forums, I see posts about people wanting other people to date them, and blaming PTSD when that person states they do not want to be in a relationship with the poster.

I'm projecting a bit, because I've been the one with PTSD saying that I want to be single, and having the other party tell me that I don't really want that, because I'm just mentally ill. Turns out, I really just did want to be single. It had nothing to do with PTSD and everything to do with my own personal place in life, with my priorities, with my freedom. It isn't always about PTSD.



He says this. I would accept it at face value. He wants to be single. Plain and simple. That means not in a relationship with you - PTSD or not. It is possible, and it sounds rather probably, that he just wants to be single, and there is nothing you can do except accept his choice.



We are offering you advice. It seems the consensus is to run.

He wants to be in a relationship with me...he tells me so, but he can’t cause he has nothing to offer. He also says that was it not from PTSD draining him we would be in a relationship. I have told him, that relationship is just a label...all I need is intimacy...which he can offer a little of, because if he gives in to loads of intimacy he wil enjoy it too much...and will feel like it is official relationship...with loads of expectations to follow.
We are on a break in June...after that I will tele him that if he wants to be with me, we have to work on it....have conversations about it....just as friends to begin with. Thanks for your advice....if he will not have these conversations I will cut him loose. I know it will be more painfull for him that it will be for me....he struggles daily with PTSD and pain.

 

[Butterfly64]

I have a question. Is he in therapy?

No he is not. The past two years have been full of hurdles...getting his early retirement....struggle for over 6 years to get that, then waiting for the settlement he was promised, then buying a house...no energy for therapy...unfortunately!

 

[Ronin]

no energy for therapy...unfortunately!

You believe that?

So many of us on the forums here with way more daily stresses than that manage to go to therapy, or alternative services of alike value, just fine.

 

[Butterfly64]

You believe that?

So many of us on the forums here with way more daily stresses than that manage to go to therapy, or alternative services of alike value, just fine.

Why would he lie about that...seriously? No...dont answer that please ! It is in his interest to get better...that has nothing to do with me. People are different...and you have no way of knowing what he is dealing with. Sorry...but you seem very negative.