When PTSD symptoms were at their worst, I was in seclusion-in my locked bedroom that had all the amenities and I ate in bed. I never made the bed.
I decided I needed a life, so I started making the bed, and made a rule that unless I was sick, 8pm was the earliest I could retire for bed.
Then I looked in the mirror ever so briefly, and decided to get my toes painted.....the foot massage was wonderful. Not long after, I went to the hair dresser and she washed my hair....that felt nice too....I started looking for things that were fun or made me feel personally better to go out and do. I decided I needed more of a life than going to the hairdresser and nail place, so I picked one new thing I wanted to learn-how to draw people and looked locally for a teacher. I took a small class lesson for 4 weeks, and was always afraid of not doing well enough. This was stressful, so I took private lessons for 1 hr. every other week, and practiced in between sessions then the next group lesson of 5 people was productive and less stressful. Learning something new was fun, productive, and I got positively reinforced by the teacher which was nice.
Next, I wanted to improve my photography skills, so I started making plans to go out to parks, trails, hikes, and demonstrations where there was not a crowd-a few people but I did this alone. I would plan my own day, around what I wanted to photograph, but I eventually ended up meeting others with similar interests and joined the local nature club-which has a lot of people, and I don't attend regularly-yet but that is a goal. I also signed up for a photo workshop when I was on vacation.....glad I did and I got some great photos and learned a lot.
I was asked to teach a musical instrument to a neighbor-again, one new person and something fun. She's a real character and has ADHD, and this experience is teaching me tolerance, patience, and social skills: we now take a 20-30 min. walk before music to get out the wiggles (and some aerobic exercise, too). But as I have done each new thing, I am slowly increasing my social circle and deciding which people have other interests that are similar to mine......When I first moved to my new house, my local personal community was 5, and only 1 person was nearby, and after going no contact with my family, I was very lonely.
Now I go to shamanic journey in a group of 5-7, or take a workshop without worrying about how good I'll do, how others perceive me, or worry about safety. I worked to create safety in fun situations starting with low numbers of people.
Groups are only shaky now the first time I go, but now......I'm enjoying getting out and doing new things. I took my first vacation on a cruise with one good friend, flew on a plane for the first time in 25 years alone, drove across country and hiked the Rocky Mountain National Park, and the little experiences improved my experiences so I'm now more comfortable in new settings. So, my advice-start with fun things and low numbers of people, get to know them to increase your community, avoid making food/alcohol the center of your social interactions, -but start out with one or two people and test the waters if isolation has been your way of life as it was mine. Good luck!
