Relationship Why does he keep trying to contact me?

[Confused123]

I recently ended things with my combat PTSD sufferer as it all just became way too much for me and was bordering on abuse. I haven't spoken to him in almost a month, but he keeps trying to contact me. The other day he left a voicemail saying he understands why I left him and isn't trying to get back together, he just misses our friendship and wants to talk, but I'm side-eyeing his motivation. I think he misses having me as his emotional crutch and doesn't know what to do with himself now. I truly believe if he actually missed our "friendship" he would've cherished it just a tad more rather than actively rip it to shreds. I also believe if he truly missed me, he would be doing a whole lot more than casually sending texts and leaving voicemails, especially after the way he treated me in the end. Not sure what the right course of action is here. So far I've just been continuing to ignore. The worst part? I didn't stop loving him, I just can't handle being in a relationship with him for the sake of my sanity and dignity.

 

[Friday]

just can't handle being in a relationship with him for the sake of my sanity and dignity.

This.

A friendship is still a relationship.

I’m one of those people who would be friends -actual live together, work together, play together, stand up at each other’s weddings & funerals friends- with most of my exes. But once it progressed to the point of “I love you & I cannot be in a relationship with you”? A friendship was still a relationship. Which made it a no go.

 

[Confused123]

Long story short, we ended up talking last night after about a month of no contact. We both explained our sides a little more. I felt a little weird afterwards, like maybe I should've just kept on ignoring him, and why am I reopening those wounds, but it also felt good to clear the air little too. I stayed strong and said that I don't want to be his friend if that's how he treats the people he cares about. He said he understood. (Kinda wished he would've said he'd change and stuff, but you know...this is life, not a movie). So even tho we're not what I would call friends, we're at least on civil terms.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Well done. You recognized your needs in a relationship, and knew well enough to stand your ground. You can love somebody to bits, but if they’re no good for you, staying with them isn’t doing anybody any favors.

 

[Confused123]

Welp, that was short-lived. We went from having what I thought was a productive conversation and somewhat acting like civilized humans to the very next day him asking if I wanted to get back together. When I said no and explained why and what he would have to do in order for me to even consider it, things quickly went downhill from there. We both said things. And now I regret ever having returned his call. Why couldn't he just leave well enough alone? I was finally starting to make some progress towards healing.

 

[EveHarrington]

Why couldn't he just leave well enough alone? I was finally starting to make some progress towards healing.

I think it’s good to remember that you don’t have to answer his call. You don’t have to respond to his texts. It’s important to put yourself first. Honestly, I’ve found it easier to move on from burned bridge relationships because I’m like “fff that shit!” and don’t feel the need to make nice and pretend to be friends with an ex (a concept I wholly do not believe in if you truly are looking forward and not back, but I digress). Remember your own needs, and stick to your guns. Yes, it’s hard to get through, but you can do this. You have stated your position, and it sounds like he’s not budging, so it really may be best to move forward without him.

 

[Confused123]

Should I apologize for what I said or just let it be...I'm feeling bad especially with it almost being Veteran's Day.

 

[FauxLiz]

unless you want to end up in a cycle of contact, no contact, contact and confuse the situation I would just let it go. This is just my opinion but contacting him to apologize can just muddy the water.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I’d leave it be.

Even though he is a veteran, and he has PTSD... even if it is Veterans Day, he’s still responsible for his behavior. If he does not treat you well, he is not going to magically change.

 

[Justmehere]

Should I apologize for what I said or just let it be...

I agree with letting it be. If you continue to feel a need to apologize, there is another option that might be a lot more productive than contact with him. There is a type of apology called a "living amends" where one doesn't contact the person for things said, but just makes a commitment to learn from it and not go down that path again. It would probably help to not go down that path again to not contact him again, and that might be the best kind of apology.

 

[TruthSeeker]

Should I apologize for what I said or just let it be...I'm feeling bad especially with it almost being Veteran's Day.

Veterans Day has nothing to do with your situation. That's misplaced thinking....what do you REALLY want? To cut off the relationship?...Write down your goal, and take steps to make it happen.....otherwise, if you want drama....increase your stress....and be back where you were, invite him back.

 

[SweetPainfulLoving]

I agree. No contact. Don’t open that door again and expose yourself or reopen those wounds. History is likely to repeat itself.

You are doing great! Stay strong.