General Rant and complain thread open to all supporters

[LuckiLee]

^^^yep. We went to a party last night. A big crowd and outside. His anxiety and hypervigilance was really high. Got home and he had a meltdown. Word vomitted all over the place . It was late. I said 'I'm going to bed we can do this in the morning". Today. Back to "normal".?

 

[Friday]

Bit late to this party...

And threatening suicide.

2 birds 1 stone.

Every time he mentions suicide, take him 100% seriously and call 911 :sneaky:

He’s out of your hair for at least 3 days.
He MAY learn to stop manipulating J with death because it no longer gets him anything but a psych hold.
He’s in a place to get help IF he’s actually serious.

Okay, 3 birds 1 stone.

If J balks remind him that calling in air support or artillery ain’t pansy, and it ain’t doing nothing. Use the damn coms and stop trying to be Rambo.

ETA ^^^ This is wholly from the fact that turning someone in runs contrary t everything in me. The crowd I ran with, everyone got suicidal from time to time. Just the cost of doing business, and nothing to worry about, like all the rest of it. ((Snort. Note the wording above? That’s the betrayal piece, it’s turning them in, flushing their career, breaking trust to do that and no f*cking way full stop.)) You simply babysit their ass for a few days until they snap out of it, or beat the ever living shit out of them until they wake the f*ck up and start fighting back. It’s pretty damn hard to be thinking about tomorrow and tomorrow when you’re getting your ass kicked, instead of how much your ass hurts. <<< but that’s military rules, and military rules depend on everyone playing out of the same book. Civvies don’t. And not being IN the military anymore means that not only is the suicidal guy in front of you not fighting just as hard as you are, but you’re on your own. There’s no team to switch shifts with on babysitting duty, or to tag team in, or provide a counter, or be the place they snick back into place once their cracks stop showing. I HATE playing by civilian rules, and I usually won’t, first go. I’ll usually show up and sit on them, or attempt to smack some sense into them. But if that doesn’t work? Fine. Time to call in air support. Jane Wayne I am not.

 

[Freida]

Yes! This!!! 1000 times this ^^^^

 

[Never_falter2]

It’s not really a rant and complain... just something I noticed a while ago and it became clear for me today and that is that vet started talking to me a while ago about some things like “I feel like this character from that movie“ or “I have got stomach cramps“. Typically I do not know what to answer (because for example in this cases he doesn’t tell me why he feels like the character and he doesn’t accept my advice to tell a medical doctor). I am not sure what is the answer he is expecting. Maybe just “there, there“ and that I give him a hot water bag.

 

[blackemerald1]

I am not sure what is the answer he is expecting. Maybe just “there, there“ and that I give him a hot water bag.

^:hilarious: :) Why not respond with, ''yeah and today I feel like (insert beautiful movie star/singer) and I have a headache?"

Idk.. what the answer is either. Have you googled any of the people he says he feels like.. maybe they did something that he relates to aside from read a script and look handsome?

 

[Never_falter2]

No, that would be mean (cause I do not feel like a singer an do not have a head ache). It is a bit more complicated and maybe I should have explained better and not have expected everybody on here to know the whole backstory.

Vet used to be a guy who never used to talk about how he felt (if it was a negative feeling, he always talked about positive feelings). Never ever. He felt suicidal and only told me years later... I begged him to tell me if he should ever feel suicidal again.,. Next time he felt like this again he told me (and thought help for it). I praised him and praised him for talking about it... vet started feeling better and I think he had seen that talking about stuff might be helpful and maybe he realized I was trustworthy.
He started talking more after that. Sometimes he talked about things that made him feel bad or fears he had or that he had a nightmare but not very often.
But he tells me he has stomach cramps very often... and doesn‘t want to see a doctor... but Otis a bit complicated because he went to the doctor before because of gut issues (actually went to several doctors over the years) and last time he went the doctor told him to eat more healthful. Well, he is doing his best to change his diet... and he gets stomach cramps after having eaten healthful food... always like circa 30 minutes after eating something healthful that happens to him... and then he rants and complains a bit ? and I make sure he sees that it is okay. I tell him it is good he talks to me but that I justo not know what to do. I mean I really cannot come up with an answer smarter then “there, there, it’s gonna be okay“ and I sometimes give him a hot water bag which helps.

He actually doesn’t identify with random actors but often with people who portray Vets and actually he does not identify with the actor himself but with the Vet portrayed by him. For example he identified with Christopher Robin in Christopher Robin and with Holt Farrier in Dumbo, the live action movie or they are some sort of soldiers like Raleigh Becket in pacific rim.
We watch a lot of kids movies because of the kids. He says he feels like the vet in the movie and I have no idea how the vet feels... but I am so happy he talked to me and feel like I wanna tell him: please do not stop talking to me... and I am so sorry I often do not get him.

 

[blackemerald1]

he doesn’t accept my advice to tell a medical doctor).

^If he continues to feel pain after he eats it really should be investigated. But if he won't do this I don't know either... Why won't he go back to the doctor?

I recall another thread where your man was having diet issues. A dietrician, nutritionist or gastro doctor? You need help.

Maybe just “there, there“ and that I give him a hot water bag.

^Does he stop complaining after you say this? Is he looking for comfort? The emotional kind?

I was joking @Never_falter2 - I'd never expect you to be mean.
I do have an awfully bad sense of humour. :sorry:

 

[Never_falter2]

Yep, he stops complaining after I said this. He typically sighs or hugs me or gives me a pat on the shoulder or said hot water bag would be great. Or when I tell him it will get better with time he asks if I am sure. I say I am deadsure and he is happy with the answer.
Sometimes he asks me for reassurance that laxatives are not a good idea. We have such laxative suppositories (does this word exist in English?) which are supposed to work in 15 minutes. He never uses them (when he is not away on a job) but he likes to have them in the house.

Why won’t he see a doctor. I am not sure I think he hates doctors in general. I think he is a bit triggered by everything medical. He had a horrible time in a hospital which might have contributed to his ptsd.
He is very much afraid of germs which are one of his triggers and they scare the hell out of him. After a visit to the doctor he washes all of the things he wore with disinfectants and takes a long hot shower. He went t9 the doctor with our kids but that is very different, he is much braver when it comes to the kids then when it is only him.
He also says he has no time. He needs to work. To my mind that is a silly excuse because he doesn’t need to work 24/7. He is also afraid of being called a malinger. Also the doctor doesn’t have good Socialskills and didn‘t treat him nice last time he went there.

 

[Never_falter2]

Cannot edit anymore: I think his worst medical experience was when he was in a hospital they put him on Tilidin and he had a bad reaction to this. It gave him nightmares so vivid he did not know if he was awake or asleep and when even when he was awake for a while he still didn’t know what was real because he saw stuff that wasn’t there when half asleep. For example there was some stuff in his room and he saw the (dead?) body of his buddy lying there and told himself: no, that’s only some stuff under a chair... but always saw his buddy there.
The buddy is still alive and well.
While he was in the hospital he was always afraid that bad things are happening out there, out of the hospital. For example he had a dream that there was a nuclear war between Pakistan and India in the world out there and he was afraid that this would set whole the world on fire. I have no idea how he came up with the idea because that was long before the situation escalated over there. However he dreamed watching the news about that on TV and then wondered if it was real and asked on of the nurse-men (how is the correct English word?) if there were news from Pakistan or India. He said there wasn’t but my vet remained suspicious and wondered if they just did want to protect him from the news. Well, he realized that there wasn’t even a TV in his room... but he grew afraid they had removed the TVs from the rooms after that war broke out in order to protect the patients.
When I tried to find out about how Tilidin is called in the US I realized it was forbidden there. It made him afraid of medication.
He also visited loved ones in the hospital when they were sick or injured and hated it, hated the fact they were sick and he couldn’t help.
And this fear of hospitals spilled over to normal doctors I think. He is afraid of everything having to do with that now.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Sometimes people are just looking for an ear, not a solution to the problem. A lot of times all my vet needs is for me to sit quietly and listen so he can get things off his chest.

 

[Never_falter2]

I hope so because often I cannot say more that “there, there, that’s gonna be okay“.

Like for example Vet telling me he wished he could stop thinking about stuff like fears he has or or things that stress him or things that are disgusting to his mind. Does your Vet have that, too?

He often goes on how the thought about this or that is so yucky and disgusting, for example when you go shopping and everybody touches the handle of the shopping card with their dirty hands. He is mega disgusted by that. If you think about it it really IS disgusting but I never think about it. Vet however sometimes cannot stop thinking about it and it disgusts him to the point he feels physically sick and he is disgusted by that mostly when he is not shopping. When he is shopping he is not disgusted because he is afraid too much but later when he returns home he starts thinking how horrible and unclean it is and cannot get rid of the thoughts... and thinks of it days later.

Then I say “there, there“ and “that must be bad for you“. He always says he is sorry that he even thinks of this kind of things cause he knows that other people don’t. He knows that very well.

He has some problems - I really don’t know what to say about those problems because they are really odd.

Vet says his problem is he really cannot stop thinking. 99 percent of the stuff he is thinking stays inside his head but I am happy he sometimes talks about this.

 

[Sweetpea76]

My vet has quirks about certain things... but they’re usually tied to something traumatic for him. Is there something about germs or filth that is like that for your husband?