@mumstheword Don't be too hard on yourself, for one thing, have you any idea how many grown adults really act like the intangible ideal we call "grown up"?
Very, very few.
I have seen a grown ass man in a nice expensive suit throw a literal foot stomping, screaming, whiney tantrum over a line of muddy water down the side of his BMW. Pretty childish huh? This guy was a neurologist. Major commitment and responsibility, turned into 180lbs of screaming manchild, over a toy.
Adult or child?
I'd say both, like most people are.
Worked with a woman who liked to make animal noises, play with toys, wear silly costumes and even worked a side job as a clown. Honest to God, red nose, floppy shoes, the whole nine yards. Pretty childish huh?
When I knew her, she was in a committed relationship, finishing her post-secondary degree, worried about paying her bills on time while deciding whether or not to buy a house in the future.
Adult or child?
Again, I'd say both.
I don't think people grow up in some tangible specific way that you can sit there with a list ticking off boxes of "adulthood". You look at kids who have been through horrible shit, they don't act like kids, but they're not adults. Works the other way round too. I think people grow in their own way, given what they have to deal with in their lives. There's going to be things each of us struggle with that are easy to others.
I think being an adult really boils down to a number on your ID.
Behaving like an adult, I think is buckling down and doing things for your own good, even when you don't want too. Just as being a parent comes down to doing things for your child's benefit when you (and probably they) don't want too.
Now as for being "retarded". Meh, it's a word, it means slow. I don't care about PC bullshit either. Lot's of retarded people out there are living their lives to the best of their abilities, some need extra help, some don't. Doesn't mean they aren't adults, or can't have responsibilities in life. Retarded, disabled, special, differently abled, whatever word you want to use doesn't matter, they're all still human beings, all capable of being adults.
Hell, if you look around your own community, I'll bet you can find people with severe disabilities living their own lives the best they can with what they've been given, struggling with the things they haven't been given. Just like every other adult does.
From what you've written on the forum Mum's, you sound like an adult to me.
Maybe instead of looking at it as you not being able to relate to the people you're supposed to just be the same as, forever blocked because of a retardation. Think about how it would be like if you were suddenly dropped off on some Micronesian island full of people wearing grass skirts and living in huts made of mud and palm leaves.
You wouldn't automatically relate to them either, but that wouldn't be unusual or bad, you would just have to get to know them and their culture. It would take time, practice and effort. Most likely their idea of a proper adult, while similar, is going to be different to Australia. The people being so recognizably alien, would just make it feel less weird, but it's essentially the same thing, is it not?
Being on the spectrum no doubt makes it harder, but I don't think it's impossible. I don't think you do either, or you wouldn't even try right? Again, that's some of that "adulting" right there. Doing something you feel is good for you, even when it's difficult or unpleasant.
I hope I'm not being overly presumptuous, I just want to give you some encouragement.
